


Things Fall Apart

by Origin_Of_Symmetry



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Origin Story, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 79,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26795410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Origin_Of_Symmetry/pseuds/Origin_Of_Symmetry
Summary: Erwin stared into the face of death and saw that it was small and young. Barely a man, more of a boy, really. His eyes were narrowed, features petite and delicate, making his age almost impossible to assess. Despite himself, Erwin shivered. Not out of fear, but out of excitement. It was a feeling very few people could elicit from him. Every fiber of his being was alight with intrigue, with the desire to control and to direct. Erwin had no doubt that this boy was here to kill him. He wanted him to try, to see what he could do. Erwin believed with great certainty that his ability would be immense.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 87
Kudos: 248





	1. Part One: Turning

**Author's Note:**

> See end for notes

Turning and turning in the widening gyre 

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere 

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst 

Are full of passionate intensity.

**Part One: Turning**

The scene was almost divine in appearance—the shimmering sun gleaming down, casting bright beams of light upon the land stripped bare of all signs of life, returning the Earth to its pre-creation state of watery chaos. The water was blood, and any signs of existence before genesis could only be found in the pale and lifeless faces of soldiers ripped limb from limb, their wings of freedom tattered in shreds, glued upon their backs by the crimson substance of life. That was only for the ones lucky enough to remain largely whole. 

Only a miracle could have parted the clouds that day. That was what Erwin believed. The rain had poured torrentially only minutes prior, its sheets coming down thicker and thicker with each passing second, extinguishing any visibility save for the few leagues in front of a soldier and his mount. The thundering rain had been slashing and icy, cutting through even the thickest of fabrics with a piercing coldness that had chilled to the bone. All around, the roar of mindless beasts had called, skittering the horses and frazzling the nerves of even the most battle-hardened soldier. But as if by heavenly will, the clouds had departed suddenly and rapidly, leaving a landscape of carnage in their wake. 

Erwin took in the scene before him with an almost serene detachment. The ground was colored in a blushing red, intense in its vibrancy and vividness. Its gleaming color snuffed out all others—even the bright green hues of the luscious summer grass succumbed to its acrid will. 

Erwin couldn’t even say there were soldiers left in front of him. There were pieces. Chunks of flesh strewn about haphazardly with little care or order. Bits that had once been human, alight with the warmth and brightness of life, now cold and translucent. Erwin felt empty—the revelation was not startling. Sadness did not grip him; he was devoid of any usual trickle of fear that would have to be suppressed and controlled with meticulous precision. He was light and hollow, almost like a bird prepared to take off at any second, meant only to fly away and never return to the same spot again. The thought was a peaceful, almost serene one for Erwin. 

Before him stood a magnificent creature, seething with a sort of rage known more to beast than man. Erwin had to suppress a shiver. The being’s fury had been wrought down upon the earth with a ferocious accuracy that stood testament to the will of the hunter. He had screamed and growled and cried until there was nothing left of the titan that had decimated an entire squad of soldiers, captain and all. He was the sole survivor, and he felt the weight of that gripping fact, that much was clear to Erwin. 

He snarled at Erwin when he lunged—a desperate animal prepared to give up everything in a battle for life, a battle for the right to existence. It was a battle Erwin was not willing to lose. His hand had caught the blade easily, its sharpness piercing and cutting its way deeper and deeper into his skin until Erwin’s blood flowed down to join that of his fallen comrades. He didn’t flinch. Steely eyes of winter—cold, deep, and merciless—stared up at him in thundering fury. Erwin stared back calmly. 

He reached out languidly, undaunted by the murderous creature in front of him screaming to take his life, to drive his blade deep in Erwin’s heart until he himself was a member of the dead. His hand touched the soft, raven strands of the boy's head, brushing them away with all the delicacy of adoration. Erwin felt the boy stiffen with indecision. Confusion, pain, and anguish passed his delicate features all at once. Erwin’s heart ached watching the fleeting glimpse of torment. The burning fury was slowly fizzling from the boy’s eyes, replaced by something far quieter and far younger.

“Come with me, Levi. We’re finishing the mission,” Despite his desire to comfort, to reach out and touch and feel in admiration and affection, Erwin called out sternly. His voice was devoid of all emotion. Feeling could come later. For now, they had a job to do. 

\---

**One Month Earlier:**

Erwin stood before the long and narrow staircase descending down into a plunging darkness. The contrast was startling with the bright afternoon sun hanging lazily overhead, casting beams of light that seemed to be completely swallowed by the cavernous space just below. The sound of carriages riding by, shop owners calling out prices, and mothers coaxing their children along in the stiff heat filled the air with a noisy din, but Erwin tuned all extraneous sound out. He focused only on the stretching silence that fell before him. His heart fluttered subtly in his chest. He had never been in a place so desolate, so completely devoid of warmth and joy than the one that now stretched below him. The thought was grim, but he pushed it aside for more important matters. 

Erwin glanced over to see Thomas shift slightly in apprehension. His shoulders were tense, body stiff and face pale. His youthful appearance did nothing to hide the weight of uncertainty that rested in his brow. Erwin had handpicked the boy to be a member of his personal squad only four months prior, and already his appearance displayed the weight of working in the Survey Corps vividly. His dark hair had lost much of its youthful shine, his skin was taut, and his eyes darkened by sleepless nights. It was a fate that befell many Survey soldiers. The burden of the job only grew heavier with each passing day of survival, each time a soldier would leave the walls only to return mere hours later with far fewer comrades and the guilt of life resting unbearingly upon their shoulders. 

Erwin did not blame the boy for being so obviously restless. No citizen willingly chose to venture down into the cavernous and lifeless darkness of the Underground. The sprawling, subterranean city was taboo to even the most humble of peasants. Its mere existence was such an open and provocative testament to humanity’s failures, that few spoke about it in tones above a whisper. It was a lawless place, one meant for the dregs of discarded society. It also happened to be the place he and his three fellow Corps soldiers were about to descend down into. 

Erwin held no fear for the insurgent city and the sordid characters it contained, but he was cautious about their mission. Corps soldiers were without a doubt the most skilled in utilizing 3DM gear, but they were not used to fighting anything except nightmarish monsters with no emotion beyond the desire to maim and tear. Erwin was glad Mike, and the sandy-haired captain’s second-in-command Nanaba, were backing him on this mission. He trusted his squad with his life, but he was worried they would not be able to take the drastic step between attacking mindless beasts and fighting living humans. In the end, only Thomas had accompanied him from his own team, largely due to his capabilities with maneuvering the gear. 

“They’re late,” Mike noted mildly. Behind Erwin, the sandy-haired man remained passive, an acquiescent expression gracing his scruffy features. His voice was devoid of all emotion or care. There was a calculated calmness to his demeanor that came with many years of hard soldiering. 

“Fucking pricks. Couldn’t even show up to their own assignment on time.” Nanaba’s voice was much sharper. Her anger was palpable, the stinging spitfire of her character shining through unabashedly. 

Erwin smiled mildly back at the young soldier standing dutifully next to her squad captain. He was no stranger to dealing with self-important men, and thus largely unphased by their current game of sit and wait. Next to him, Thomas provided no comment on the situation. He only continued to shift nervously on his feet, glancing down into the gaping darkness only a few paces below. 

It was many minutes before three men adorned in light-weight maneuvering gear arrived to greet the small party of Survey soldiers. Erwin took in their arrival with a sort of detached interest. They were wholly unremarkable in appearance—standard, salt-and-pepper type soldiers of the Military Police that wore the Brigade’s unicorn insignia stitched to their backs like a mark of propriety. He did not hold high hopes for their skill, considering their need to call upon the Survey Corps for assistance with a mission behind the walls. 

“Captain Smith. Captain Zacharius,” the lead man called in a booming voice. He did not bother to address the two other soldiers standing with the ranked officers. 

Erwin held himself tall, allowing a clam serenity to wash over him. It did him no good to let feelings of vexation overtake his emotions now. They had a mission to carry out, after all. 

“Captain Harris, and Lieutenant Wright and Cadet Torris,” Erwin replied cordially, addressing each man as he spoke their name and rank. Mike was not easily enough swayed by the intricacies of polite conversation to bother speaking, so Erwin took it upon himself to do all of the talking for the group. 

“Were you made aware of the situation we’re facing?” Harris asked curtly. He was clearly not thrilled to be working with Survey Corps soldiers for a task specifically delegated in the duties of the Military Police. He had little choice in the matter, though, considering his lack of success thus far. 

“We were only told that there is a group of thugs attacking merchant caravans in the Underground,” Erwin said mildly, leaving out any tidbit about the MP’s inability to catch such base thieves for months now. 

“Yes, Captain. A group of them, some equipped with gear. They’ve been disrupting supply chains for some time now. We’re hoping that taking out the gang’s leadership will quell the attacks.” 

“I see. So we’re seeking out specific targets?” Erwin already knew the answer to his question. He had poured over the report Commander Shadis had managed to wrangle from the MP before they left Survey headquarters. He had scrutinized every detail the papers held, scrupulously determining how best to deal with a mission aimed at fighting humans. 

“Yes, two young men and a girl. They appear to constitute some form of authority and are the most adept at utilizing the gear.” The response was brief and terse, painted with the annoyance of a man that had failed for months now to bring a small gang of lowlifes to justice. 

Erwin thought that Captain Harris was not giving the group of thieves nearly the credit they deserved. They had managed to snag MP gear and evade capture for months now, all while expanding their operation and attacks on merchant caravans in the sprawling subterranean city. It was truly a feat of will that such a collective of thugs was able to organize and manage a well-oiled operation of crime. Erwin couldn't help but feel a certain amount of uncouth eagerness in facing such an unorthodox group. He always enjoyed interesting things. Tactical things. Games that would put his skill for strategy and shrewdness through a real-world test. 

“We’ll lead the attack, and you four will follow.” It was all that was said before the group of seven descended into the plunging darkness. The stairwell was poorly-lit and frighteningly steep, requiring that anyone bold enough to walk down its steps hold on tightly to the hand rails. 

Erwin’s lungs breathed in the stifling, stiff air of the Underground, irritation panging in his chest. His eyes adjusted to the darkness with relative ease as they declined further and further down. Soon, the light of lamps replaced the gleaming afternoon sun, providing the stretching space an eerie sort of glow. A rancid smell hung in the air from lack of filtration, wafting around questionable and undesirable odors that clung to the walls of ramshackle buildings. 

The scene was even more bleak than Erwin had imagined. People laid openly suffering and dying on the sides of the grime-filled streets, garbage piled alongside their scabbed, listless bodies. Even those more alive and well enough to be up and walking had a glassy, detached look in their eyes. All around, faces were pale and gaunt—the consequence of never seeing sunlight for most, if not all they passed. Erwin suppressed a shiver, directing his eyes forward with a determined objectivity. They only had to wait now for the thieves to attack a newly arrived caravan filled with goods from the surface. 

It didn’t take long. Soon, the swishing sound of wires being stretched and gear being fired filled the still air. As expected, there were three small figures that did not hesitate to ram into the wooden crates of goods, their contents bursting free upon the darkened cobblestone. Erwin paid no mind to the spilled merchandise. He and the Survey soldiers pursued the thugs behind the three MPs. 

It was soon clear why these three thugs and their gang of miscreants had managed to dodge the Military Police and the guild of merchants for so long. They were incredibly adept at utilizing their gear and the terrain to their advantage. Erwin didn’t even need to bother snaking his way around the MPs. They soon fell off the path of pursuit with tangled wires and sharp curses, unable to keep up with the speed and skill of the three fleeing criminals. 

Erwin and Mike took the lead in the chase, while Thomas and Nanaba followed a few paces back, prepared to switch directions rapidly if the thieves attempted to divert their course. 

It was in that moment that Erwin witnessed one of the most startling feats of acrobatics he had ever seen. While two of the thugs fled to the right and left, their man in front continued hurtling straight into a fast-approaching wall. He slowed his speed at the last second, pulling back and rocketing off of the stone structure with a fluid grace as if he were floating through water. His small form spiraled past Erwin with ease. 

Erwin only caught a glimpse of the man; a brief catch of the eye. He was not totally prepared for what he saw in that brief second. A pair of alluring, blue-grey eyes stared back at him, piercing ice into his very being. They belonged to a small man, startling in the paleness of his skin and the darkness of his hair. The aura that he gave off was nothing short of predatory. His small body moved in a way so precise, so trained and honed to perfection that Erwin couldn’t help being slightly awed watching him fly past. Erwin felt something stir in him. The man was almost more animal than he was human—his movements as fluid and graceful as a cat, his eyes as shrewd and daring as a hawk’s. He floated more than he moved, his eyes discerned more than they saw. 

Erwin did not hesitate to pursue. He diverted his course to the east to follow directly behind the mystery figure, while Mike diverted his movements to the west in hopes of circling around to cut the man off at some point. The small figure brushed along streets and crashed through windows with reckless abandon, no sign of fear or trepidation in his swift and fluid movements. Erwin followed directly behind him, hoping to tangle the man’s wires and divert him off course. His efforts were futile. The man was small, swift, and familiar with the territory, making it impossible for Erwin to get close enough to him. He internally cursed himself. At this rate, the thug would get away easily. 

Erwin almost let out an alarmed gasp when Mike appeared practically out of nowhere in front of the man and barreled into him with all the force his long body could muster. The small thug was flung unceremoniously into an adjacent wall, letting out a small yelp as he dropped out of the sky and fell towards the ground.

He recovered almost instantly, the speed and grace of his rebound stunning. He barreled towards Mike with a small knife drawn from a sheath behind his back, fearlessly lunging at the much larger man. Erwin’s heart jumped when Mike was quickly disarmed, the knife slashing up towards his throat with the intent to kill. 

Erwin dropped out of the sky in an instant, his blades drawn to protect the sandy-haired captain. He was caught off guard by the speed and strength of the small thug. The man flung his blade forward ruthlessly, driving it at Erwin’s body with a deadly precision. Erwin managed to just barely gain the upper-hand after throwing all of his towering height and weight into slashing down upon the thug. His advancing blade was stopped forcefully by the man catching his wrist, his nails digging in with the intention to cause pain, to draw blood. The ruffian practically growled, adding to his animalistic air. Erwin smiled mildly, his senses flooded with the sharp prickle of piercing nails driving into his skin with a vicious precision.

“Don’t even think about it. Look around,” he declared ferociously, fully aware that Nanaba and Thomas had just arrived with the thug’s two companions completely bound and restrained. 

The man’s eyes narrowed menacingly. His lips were pressed in a tight line. Erwin could practically see the cogs turning in his head, his mind rapidly judging how he should best approach the situation at hand. 

The sound of his knife falling to the floor with a sharp clatter resonated in the muted air. Erwin drew back, lowering his own blades. 

“You’re quick on your feet,” he noted, openly smirking in satisfaction. 

The man actually did growl this time, his body tensing in fury. His small teeth were bared in controlled ferocity, his eyes alight with the severity of frenzy. The look he gave Erwin was nothing short of murderous. 

Mike was on him in a second, forcing the man’s small figure roughly into the ground and pulling his hands behind his back to handcuff him. Erwin followed along with grim satisfaction. It had been a harder pursuit than he anticipated. 

Erwin looked upon the ruffians kneeled before him, their faces etched with anger and their teeth bared with menace. They all had a certain animalistic ferocity to them, but none more so than the small man he and Mike had captured. He had no doubt that this was the person Government Minister Lovof had hired to assassinate him. Erwin stared into the face of death and saw that it was small and young. Barely a man, more of a boy, really. His eyes were narrowed, features petite and delicate, making his age almost impossible to assess. All that Erwin could determine with certainty was that the boy in front of him was his junior by at least a few years.

Despite his delicate appearance, the boy had a honed sharpness that added to his air of danger, of predatory intent. A large bruise lined his cheek, startlingly contrasted against his pale, porcelain skin. Erwin smiled.

“You’re very skilled with 3DM gear,” he said mildly, addressing the three youths. They kept their eyes lowered, refusing to look at him in a small act of defiance. Their silence was stretching. The three refused to speak, refused to even lift their faces. 

Erwin strode forward, turning his attention completely to the predatory, raven-haired boy. He stared down at his small form, taking in the delicate lines that defined his body, and the subtle hints of muscle that gave a glimpse into how skilled and adept he truly was. Despite himself, Erwin shivered. Not out of fear, but out of excitement. It was a feeling very few people could elicit from him. Every fiber of his being was alight with intrigue, with the desire to control and to direct. Erwin had no doubt that this boy was here to kill him. He wanted him to try, to see what he could do. Erwin believed with great certainty that his ability would be immense. 

“Have you received military training?” Erwin asked directly to the raven. 

The boy finally lifted his face, his eyes piercing with icy disdain and subdued rage. He gave no answer, only staring down Erwin with a ferocious and blood-thirsty contempt. 

Mike wasted no time reacting to the insolence. He grabbed the boy roughly by the hair and slammed his face down into a murky puddle stagnant on the ground below. The boy let out a small mewl of pain, baring his teeth menacingly in rage at having been forced into such an indignant position. Mike loomed over him, holding his face down in the filthy water. 

“I’ll ask one more time,” Erwin said, unphased by his fellow captain’s cruel actions. “Where did you learn to use this gear?” 

It was the raven’s companion that spoke up, his voice urgent and pleading. 

“No one taught us! We taught ourselves!” The boy’s voice was imploring. He and the auburn-haired girl next to him were clearly distressed by the treatment of their friend. The fury that had been etched into their faces had been replaced with growing uncertainty. Only the raven-haired boy remained steadfastly defiant, his gaze still cutting and ferocious. 

“You taught yourselves? That’s hard to believe.” In truth, Erwin believed the boy completely. He was skilled enough in the art of deception himself to know when someone was lying. The boy’s face was earnest. He was telling the truth, but Erwin wasn’t ready to end their conversation without getting more out of the three ruffians. 

“It’s our only way to escape this hellhole! Someone like you couldn’t understand!” 

“Either way, just get your fucking hands off of my big brother! Stop acting like goddamn pricks just because you’re soldiers,” the auburn-haired girl cried out, squirming in her restraints in a desperate attempt to get to the raven-haired boy. 

All it took was a look from Erwin for Mike to lift the boy’s head up. His hair was dripping wet, his face filthy with the grime that had floated in the murky puddle. Erwin felt something in his stomach squeeze. There was not an ounce of submission in the boy’s expression. His eyes were alight with the flames of fury. His seething rage was almost animalistic in nature. He truly looked like a hunter, prepared to maim and tear if given even the smallest of windows to do so. The boy was truly magnificent. Every sense heightened, every instinct sharpened into a weapon as dangerous as any bullet or blade. Erwin felt something in him stir again. He made no effort to hide his satisfaction with the situation. He kneeled down in front of the boy, smirking. 

Impulse flooded Erwin. His hand reached out; his fingertips grazed the boy’s cold, wet skin. He almost couldn’t help himself. Erwin stroked lightly at the bruise lining the boy’s cheek, tracing over the dark hue. Vaguely, Erwin wondered where the boy got such a nasty mark beaten into his skin. The boy stiffened noticeably, his feline eyes widening in alarm. 

“What’s your name?” Erwin whispered, his fingers still brushing over the boy’s bruised cheek lightly, further teasing his fury. Time seemed to slow around the pair. Erwin filtered out the unnecessary noises and trifling movements around him. They were no longer important. What was in front of him now was important. The wrath of the predator. Erwin’s smirk widened further; it was stretching his face, lighting his features. He was just as much a hunter as this small boy in front of him, he would prove that much. 

“…Levi.” Cold. Piercing. Merciless. His voice was like winter. A flutter of an accent laced in his cadence, purposefully buried with sharp resonance. 

“Well, Levi,” Erwin murmured, his fingers gliding under the raven’s chin to lift it slightly, his thumb stroking along the boy’s jawline. “I’d like to make a deal with you.” 

“A deal?” 

“Join the Scouts, and you’ll be reprieved of your crimes.” 

“And if I refuse?” 

“We’ll hand you over to the Military Police. You and your friends will most likely be hanged before midday tomorrow.”

A sharp hiss escaped Levi’s lips. His eyes narrowed further, a flutter of indecision passing across his pale face. He was quiet for a beat before speaking up again. 

“Fine, we’ll join.” The answer was tense and stilted, the boy's body stiff with fury, his face filled with a grim understanding of his situation. 

Erwin leaned in, lowering his voice so only Levi could hear him speak. “Good,” he whispered, brushing his thumb along Levi’s lower lip once before rising. 


	2. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His attention was honed in on the threat directly before him. The man that could prove to be more dangerous than all of the Military Police put together. His target.

The air in the room was stagnant and cold, the stone walls lining the space stealing any and all warmth that had managed to creep that far underground. It was dimly lit by the light of torches, eerie shadows dancing off of the walls in the flickering flames. Levi huddled tightly in the corner, his small body tucked into himself in an attempt to maximize his body heat. Furlan and Isabel were occupying cells further down from his, making communication difficult in the cavernous dungeon. Every time he tried to speak with either one of them, the ringing of “shut your mouth!” sounded from the soldier guarding the entrance. 

As far as places went, Levi had to admit he had been in shit holes far worse than this one. The entirety of the Underground was a place much more unpleasant than any prison, so he couldn’t say he completely minded being stuck in a Military Police dungeon while he waited for that blond-fuck Scout to negotiate their release to the Survey Corps. In truth, Levi didn’t have a lot of faith in bushy-brows-who-couldn’t-seem-to-keep-his-damn-hands-to-himself, but the man was clearly a tactician adept at strategizing. That much was clear to Levi during the pursuit that had led to their capture only hours prior. 

He couldn't imagine why Lovof wanted the man dead, though in the end Levi couldn’t say that he cared much. He was even starting to believe that he would enjoy killing Erwin Smith. The man was far too sure of himself and far too willing to assert his will just because of a little power he held as a captain in the military. Levi didn’t tolerate people like that, and he was more than willing to risk the consequences of murdering the man for the sake of his friends, and even his own pride. 

Minutes ticked by, maybe even hours. There were no windows or natural light that allowed him a peek into the hustle and bustle of the outside world. Time became meaningless to Levi and his companions as they remained at the mercy of the Military Police. He had to admit, his first few hours ever on the surface were turning out to be a dull event. He could guess the outcomes of the negotiations going on upstairs. A Government Minister that had risked hiring three Underground thugs was not going to allow them to be killed off so easily without putting up a fight, but still, what was taking the damn Scouts so long? Perhaps his limited faith in Erwin Smith’s capabilities was overestimated. Good. Levi had no desire to draw out killing the blond, even though his thirst to end the man’s life only grew more ravenous with each passing second. 

The screech of steel bolts on stone suddenly filled the muted air of the cavernous space. Levi was caught off guard for a fraction of a second, quickly schooling his features into a look of blatant disregard and indifference. His eyes narrowed when he caught sight of bushy-brows. 

The man smiled pleasantly down at him as he entered the dungeon. Levi unconsciously curled tighter into himself. He wanted to punch that little smirk off of the bastard’s face. 

They stared each other down for what could have been minutes or hours. Levi wasn’t sure, and he didn’t care. His attention was honed in on the threat directly before him. The man that could prove to be more dangerous than all of the Military Police put together. _ His target _ . 

“Hello, Levi,” Smith said quietly, Levi’s name curling on the man’s lips and floating off of his tongue in a tone that bordered on admiration. His name had not once been thrown at him viciously or in contempt, rather Erwin always seemed to take the utmost care when uttering its two syllables in the few times he had in the passing hours. Levi suppressed a shiver. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Levi spat back. He refused to be civil with a man that allowed his face to be slammed into filthy sewer water. 

That affable smile never once left Erwin’s face as he stared down at Levi, no matter how gruff and coarse the smaller man became. Levi hated that. He wanted to rattle Erwin Smith, to shake the overconfident bastard to his very core. 

“I just wanted to check on you,” Erwin continued pleasantly, as if he were talking to an old friend and not his soon-to-be executioner. 

It took much conscious effort for Levi to suppress the growl building like a storm on his lips. He wanted to tear this man apart. 

“I’m not the only one in here, you know?” 

Levi hated the realization, but he quickly found that Erwin Smith only had eyes for him. He doubted the man cared about Isabel and Furlan in the slightest. The thought unsettled Levi. He was doing this for them, for citizenship for  _ them _ . He was not about to throw the pair into the most dangerous branch of the military under the command of assholes whose only objective was to utilize  _ him  _ as a weapon. He steadfastly refused to have his only family sacrificed for the likes of Erwin Smith’s ambitions. 

Smith seemed unphased by his comment. “Of course,” the man replied, stepping closer to the bars that separated Levi and him. “How are your companions?” 

Levi narrowed his eyes further. He wanted to melt into the wall, but he also wanted to lunge out and kick Erwin Smith square in the jaw. The dichotomizing desires pulled at his instincts fiercely. Part of his body urged him to step back and evaluate the situation, to scrutinize the potential danger that this hunter in front of him could pose. His other half screamed for him to spring forward, to attack swiftly and mercilessly until this insufferable bastard was eliminated and his friends were safe. The uncertainty allowed a hesitation to creep into Levi’s bones that he so rarely felt. It unsettled him. Erwin Smith unsettled him. 

“I couldn’t say, you sadistic fuck. No one here will let me even  _ speak _ to them.”

“Why do you presume I’m sadistic?” Erwin asked, clasping his hands behind his back and standing at his full, formidable height. 

Levi hated it. He hated that he felt small under this man’s earnest gaze, powerless in chains and behind bars. It only made him want to lash out even more. 

Levi let out a harsh laugh. It was more of a bark, really. 

“Threatening the life of a person and his friends just to get them to join the most  _ vicious  _ branch of a corrupt institution is pretty fucking sadistic in my book.”

“I did not threaten your life,” Erwin replied patiently, as if he was explaining something delicate to someone important. It made Levi hate him more. “I merely stated the truth. You and your companions have evaded Military Police capture for months. People are angry. They want to see your body hanging limp at the end of a rope.” Erwin paused, seeming to consider his next words very carefully. “If I were threatening your life Levi, you would know it,” he said quietly but not lacking in any intensity. 

Erwin’s blue orbs glowed with a fire that made Levi shiver. He was a force to be reckoned with, Levi knew now. It would not serve him well to underestimate Erwin Smith, and to assume the Captain would just continue to keep him alive out of sheer curiosity. This man had a game to play too, after all. 

Levi remained quiet. He didn’t have anything to say to that. Erwin Smith was saving him, respecting him, and threatening him all at the same time. The sheer audacity of the man was stunning. It made Levi want to rip out his throat. It made Levi want to curl up and hide. This man  _ saw _ something that Levi couldn’t, and Levi despised admitting that, even if it was only to himself. 

“Is there anything I can get you and your companions while you wait?” Erwin continued once he realized Levi wasn’t going to respond. His voice was back to that polite cadence that made Levi wish his vocal cords would burn out of his throat. 

“Don’t bother,” Levi all but snarled. 

“You look cold,” Erwin noted, taking in Levi’s huddled up form that had only grown tighter throughout the moments of their interaction. 

Levi deplored how the blond’s brow crinkled in concern when he said that. 

“Fuck off.” 

“Where did you get that bruise on your cheek?” 

Smith clearly wasn’t going to give up easily. Levi couldn’t suppress the shiver that raced down his spine when he recalled Erwin stroking his cheek, his fingertip gliding warmly over the darkened bruise discoloring his skin. The blond’s touch had been so careful and gentle, like Levi was something to be admired and cherished. Levi abhorred the slight spark it elicited in the bottom of his gut. 

“None of your Goddamn business,” Levi hissed. 

Erwin sighed audibly before turning and striding towards the door, his posture still displaying military perfection. He did not bother to travel down further and visit Isabel and Furlan. 

Something inside Levi blazed in wrath. 

Smith paused at the door and turned back to Levi, that same flame from before lighting his blue orbs. 

“You do not have the tools to win this, Levi. You will be backed into a corner until your only option is to surrender and give in. I suggest saving yourself some trouble.” 

Erwin was through the door before Levi could reply. Levi seethed. Vaguely, he could hear Isabel and Furlan calling to him, asking if he was okay. They were quickly silenced with the sharp growl of “shut your damned mouths!” 

\---

If Erwin Smith were asked to describe the newly appointed Military Police Commander that now sat in front of him, Nile Dawk, he would have to say something along the lines of ‘God-awful unpleasant.’ Though of course, that would be if Erwin were asked to describe the man  _ truthfully _ . He had learned early on in his military career that people rarely wanted the truth of things; rather, they were far more interested in hearing what they wanted to. 

Nile Dawk was a tall, disagreeable sort of man with slightly-shaggy dark hair and permanent scowl lines etched into his face. He was the son of a mid-ranking noble who gambled far more money than he made, thus putting Commander Dawk in a rather precarious situation when he had first entered the military. 

Erwin had to give the man credit, though. The sheer will he must have possessed to rise above his father’s sullied name and claw up the ladder of power was probably stunning. 

Despite the Commander’s valiant and clearly successful efforts, Erwin still found him to be pretentious and self-important in a way that characterized most of the upper echelons of society. Erwin had been used to dealing with such people long before he entered the military, however, so he didn’t find Dawk’s behavior outwardly off-putting in the slightest. 

Erwin schooled his expression into a mask, spoke with practiced civility while he waited for the man to realize he could not win this game they were playing at. Erwin was too skilled and too capable to lose his newfound treasure to the likes of Nile Dawk. 

“The three are criminals! Dirty, disgusting criminals that deserve to be hanging at the end of ropes,” Dawk spat, sparing Erwin and the other Scouts in the room none of his fury. 

Erwin had to resist the urge to cringe. Really, the man could work on speaking a little more cordially to keep things from spewing out of his mouth. They had been at this for the better part of an hour; Erwin providing calm, sound arguments for why Levi and his companions should be allowed admittance into the Survey Corps without punishment, and Dawk all but ripping his head off as he attempted to quell his raging temper. 

The Commander was not one to be easily swayed, it would seem. He also valued his opinion far more than it was worth, though Erwin would never say such a thing unless it benefitted him in a tangible way. 

“What if we just took one of them,” Mike piped up from the background. He had the good sense to be leaning on a wall across the room rather than sitting opposite the Commander at his desk and risking the full range of the man’s attack, spit and all. The sandy-haired captain’s face remained passive and disinterested. Erwin knew he saw Levi as far more trouble than he was worth, but they were too good of friends for the man to openly oppose him in public. 

“Impossible,” Erwin cut in before Dawk could provide any answer. He absolutely knew Levi would not cooperate with him in any way if his friends were harmed. “All three are skilled and valuable to the Survey Corps’ operations.” 

“Says who?” Dawk growled back. 

“I do,” Erwin replied with a cold authoritativeness that made the Commander pause in surprise. 

The shaggy man’s features quickly morphed into an expression of indignant outrage as he gawked at Erwin’s supposed insolence. 

“You forget your place  _ Captain _ .  _ You _ are not the commander of the Survey Corps.  _ You  _ do not speak for the branch, and  _ you  _ do not get to decide where the citizens’ tax dollars should be invested.” 

“Forgive me, Commander,” Erwin continued pleasantly, his voice switching to a more mild tone as he crossed one leg over the other. He was prepared to hash this out for as long as it would take. “I was only suggesting that, as the only military branch that travels outside of the comfort and safety of the walls,  _ humanity _ would benefit greatly from all of the skilled people we can get our hands on.” 

“Honestly,  _ sir _ ,” Nanba cut in. The young woman, although her skills were many and great, was doing a far poorer job than Erwin at hiding her ire. “The casualties of the Survey Corps are so high that there is a good chance the three wouldn’t even make it back from their first mission.” 

It was an argument that Erwin had considered using himself. Nanaba was right. The casualty rate among the Scouts was the highest of any branch, and that percentage only went up when applied to a soldier completing his or her first mission beyond the walls. There was a good chance that Levi and his two companions would succumb during their first outing, thus making Dawk’s desire to have them killed be put off for only a few weeks at most. 

Still, Erwin could only hope his ‘betterment for humanity’ angle would be more effective. He didn’t like to consider the possibility of Levi dying. Not with how much potential the boy had. 

“The public wants justice,” Dawk hissed back. 

“They want a spectacle,” Erwin countered placidly. 

“Yes,” Dawk declared, narrowing his beady eyes at Erwin. “If the public wants to see three no-good criminals hanged on a Sunday, then I have no wish to refuse them what they desire. No matter what your ambitions are, Captain Smith, you have no right to play at being the law.”

“Nor do I intend to, Commander,” Erwin replied affably, providing the man a polite smile that didn’t even attempt to reach his hard, fiery eyes. 

A voice interrupted Dawk before he could hiss something seething back at Erwin. 

“I think we can all agree that Captain Smith’s ambitions are great, though in all the time I’ve known the man I’ve never once seen him put himself before the good of humanity.” 

Erwin didn’t have to turn around to know who was now leaning calmly against the frame of the door, though he did anyways. He provided Commander Keith Shadis a pleasant smile, his blue orbs conveying all of the annoyance he felt towards the MP sitting across from him. 

Commander Shadis took in Erwin briefly before striding into the room and taking a seat next to one of his most accomplished captains. If possible, Nile Dawk appeared even more enraged as he stared down the Survey Corps Commander who had in no way been  _ invited  _ into his private office. 

“Commander Dawk,” Shadis nodded his head, “it’s always a pleasure.” 

Dawk’s eyes were barely visible with how intensely he now squinted at the man opposite him. A vein throbbed out of the side of his forehead; one of the many indicators of his unraveling temper and inflamed outrage. 

Erwin heard Nanaba very audibly suppress a snort, and even he himself had to put some effort into schooling his expression. 

“Shadis,” Dawk snarled back. “As dedicated as you are to all of your little Scout lackeys, even you will have to agree that Captain Smith overstepping his authority cannot be condoned.” 

“Indeed I cannot, sir. However, Captain Smith is in no way overstepping any such boundary,” the Commander responded, pulling out a sealed and stamped envelope from his left, inside breast pocket. “In here you will find the recently-approved budget for an expedition the Survey Corps is meant to undertake in One months' time. Under Government Minister Nicholas Lovof’s signature is a declaration that any potential new recruits be utilized to increase the success of the mission.” 

Dawk practically blanched at the letter now grasped in Shadis’s hand. No doubt the man was shocked. Lovof was one of the most adamant antagonists of the Survey Corps and any funds meant to be directed for its operation. Any show of support for the Scouts by the old man was exceptionally out of character. 

Dawk tore the letter from the Commander’s hands and ripped it open, his murky eyes flying across the page as he took in the swooping signature of the Government Minister and his rather unsubtle reference to Levi and his companions. 

Hook, line and sinker. Erwin was rather proud of himself. This was what he had spent the last hour waiting on, and it made enduring Dawk’s insufferable personality well worth it. 

In all actuality, he could barely contain his excitement; though, of course, he did. Erwin couldn’t wait to test Levi’s abilities, to discover all of the hidden and magnificent talents he possessed. The boy was going to help Erwin revolutionize the Survey Corps, revolutionize the whole military whether he liked it or not. 

“I think you’ll find everything is in order,” Shadis replied triumphantly. 

The rest of the afternoon turned out to be quite a pleasant one for Erwin. 

\---

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Erwin,” Shadis called out to him.

Erwin pulled his eyes away from the scenery flying by out the carriage window to look at his Commander. 

The man was a weary, battle-hardened soldier whose eyes displayed how much, too much that he had seen in his time. He had accepted the position of Survey Corps Commander even before Erwin was out of training, though the initial fervor the man held for the position dwindled and died with the countless casualties the branch had suffered under his leadership over the years. 

True, Keith Shadis was nothing more than a shell of a man, but that didn’t mean he refused to play the game or give up on the noble dream of advancing humanity while losing the fewest soldiers possible. Erwin respected him greatly. 

“Yes, Commander. I know,” Erwin responded dutifully, providing the higher ranking soldier his full esteem and attention. 

“Lovof is coming after you, and he’s using that boy to do it.” 

Erwin couldn’t suppress the smile that stretched his lips. He had been thinking of Levi so much lately, that he couldn’t help but get a little excited every time someone brought the boy up. He was utterly amazing; a magnificent creature with skills and abilities that surpassed any weapon or means of warfare. Levi was an element in his own right. 

“That’s what makes it all the more interesting,” Erwin replied mildly, pulling his eyes back to the window to stare at the scene of Mitras passing by. 

The city was truly breathtaking, radiating all of the splendor that came with a place completely cut off from ninety-nine percent of the population. Only the best of the best, the highest echelons of society were allowed within its walls. It was as beautiful as it was devastating. 

“Careful, Captain. Lovof is not to be taken lightly, and he is definitely no friend to the Scouts or any of Corps’s ranks who demonstrate even the slightest bit of ambition.” 

“I’m sure he has proven to be a headache for you as well, Commander,” Erwin smiled, his blue eyes gleaming as he glanced back at the gruff man across from him. 

Shadis snorted a bit at this, crossing his arms and slouching down in his velvet-adorned seat. The man looked utterly exhausted, the years of hardship visibly etched into his prematurely-aged features. 

“He proved to be more of an insufferable bastard in my younger days as Commander. We have since learned to tiptoe around each other.” 

The man grinned, but there was a sadness in his voice that was unmistakable. Erwin knew what he was leaving unsaid. That Minister Lovof no longer paid Shadis much attention once he realized how broken the man had become in his position. 

Erwin cleared his throat slightly, hoping to dispel some of the tension slowly creeping up around them. It did no good to dwell on the past. Not in a branch like the Survey Corps. 

“I understand his abilities, Commander. I believe I have found an effective way to combat them for the time being.” 

Shadis raised an eyebrow at this, giving Erwin a scrutinizing once-over before speaking again. 

“You mean to tell me you have some form of insurance?” 

“Yes, sir. As you well know, Government Minister Lovof has continuously siphoned money away from Survey Corps operations for his own personal gain. He has been the main reason why Corps funding has been so inconsistent for years now. I have recently obtained a document exposing the Minister’s illicit activities.” 

“Ah,” Shadis exclaimed, looking a fair bit impressed with his special operations captain. “So you plan to hold this document over his head until—”

“—Until the time is right to expose its contents,” Erwin finished for the man.

“And surely someone as calculated and tactical as you has an insurance system put in place where the letter would be revealed if something were to happen to you.”

“Surely.” 

“Thus that boy and his troublesome companions can do nothing to harm you until they track down and destroy that letter.” 

Erwin couldn’t keep his smile from stretching across his face. His plan was a simple one, but largely foolproof and practically ingenious. He had, of course, made multiple copies of the letter. It would be almost impossible for Lovof to track them all down no matter how many assassins he sent after Erwin. 

Whatever the Minister was going to try, Erwin was more than confident he would fail. Erwin was too clever to lose to the likes of such a base and vain nobleman. He would have to worry more about Levi outright losing his temper and making an attempt on his life than the actual man who had hired the boy to carry out the job. 

That’s what would make it fun, though. Erwin had accounted for many factors when setting up the board for their game, but never did any of those include a breathtaking youth that had the potential to change the tide of Humanity’s war. Erwin was truly enthralled. 

“Are you impressed, Commander?” Erwin couldn’t help but ask a touch cheekily, a mischievous grin lighting his features. 

Shadis scoffed good-naturedly, eyeing his Captain with equal parts humor and exasperation. 

“You’ve never failed to amaze me, Erwin, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still be careful. That boy may work for Lovof, but he is in no way adherent to the man’s every whim and will.”

“Yes, he is truly something, isn’t he,” Erwin replied in a way that he would be embarrassed to admit was a little dreamy, though it completely was. 

“He wants to rip out your throat,” Shadis snorted, noting the far-away look that spread through Erwin’s eyes every time Levi, the Underground scoundrel, was mentioned. 

“How would you know?” Erwin asked in perhaps the most indignant tone he had ever addressed Shadis with. He cleared his throat, looking a touch embarrassed by his uncouth outburst. 

“Mike said as much.” 

Erwin sighed. He knew Mike was right. He also knew his fellow captain in no way supported his ideas surrounding Levi. It wasn’t that he felt a certain amount of human rights and human dignity were absent from Erwin’s proposals, it was that he found the boy to be far more trouble than he was worth—a feeling Erwin was sure would accompany many, though he was more than eager to prove all of them wrong. 

Mike and his three fellow Survey Corps soldiers were in the process of returning to base with their three new recruits at the current moment. Erwin had agreed to accompany Shadis to the meetings and obligations the man had in the city before returning himself to the stuffy, old castle that served as Survey’s current headquarters. He was practically counting down the hours until he would next get to see Levi. 


	3. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The commander had a point. Levi would never just blatantly follow him. He had to be given a reason why; why he should trust the man that had captured him and his friends; why he should trust the man that represented the very institution he despised. 

“Are you honestly telling us to accept criminals into our fold! The morale of the men will plummet if we allow those bottom feeders to join the ranks!” 

Erwin couldn’t help but rub his bleary eyes tiredly. 

Captain Fletcher Flagon was a particularly tenacious and loud young man who never refrained from criticizing his fellow captains if it meant hearing his own voice ring through a room for as long as possible. He was a slim, dirty-blond Scout who valued formal standards and tradition more than innovation and enterprise. He was everything that Erwin considered wrong with the Survey Corps, wrong with the military in general, though he kept that tidbit to himself. 

Erwin was currently seated with Commander Shadis and his fellow Corps captains in one of the castle’s strategizing rooms in the eastern most tower. 

Gleaming sunlight from the outdoors peaked in through sweeping, double-pane windows that stretched across the far wall. The light added an odd cheer to the rather grim conversation. 

Erwin knew he would face obstacles to his proposal to induct Levi, Isabel and Furlan into the Survey Corps ranks, but he wished he had gotten a bit more sleep before having to deal with Flagon’s bellowing voice first thing in the morning. 

“I understand your concerns,” Erwin piped up dutifully before Flagon could get another cacophonous word in, “but I can personally vouch for their 3D Maneuver Gear skills.” 

“The new formation that Captain Smith has been working on is ground-breaking,” the Commander added, turning to address Captain Flagon with a stern regalness that characterized his battle-hardened character. “It takes the emphasis away from how best to  _ kill _ Titans, and places it firmly on how best to  _ avoid _ them.” 

Erwin appreciated Shadis’s backing, even if the Commander was doing nothing more than detailing his work in the Corps. 

As the captain in charge of soldier formation for Scouting expeditions, Erwin had spent hours strategizing and developing a plan for troop arrangements for their upcoming mission. His efforts would soon see the light of day now that the operation’s budget had been approved, though the lingering fear of failure and the loss of even more lives under his proposal still weighed heavily on Erwin’s mind. 

“What those cretins lack are discipline and manners,” Shadis continued, turning back to Erwin to address what had come to be referred to as his ‘pet project.’ 

Erwin disliked the Commander comparing Levi to a pet and calling him a cretin; the boy was obviously so much more than both those things, though he always gritted his teeth and endured whenever anyone chose to speak in such a manner. They would soon see the error of their ways. 

“It shouldn’t take too long to drill something useful into their skulls,” Shadis said, looking Erwin directly in the eye as he spoke. 

Erwin had to suppress a snort. Discipline and mannered were two words he could not use to describe Levi, let alone his companions. Erwin didn’t particularly mind, though, considering he thought magnificent and breathtaking had a better ring anyways. 

Across from him, Flagon looked like a vein was about to burst from the side of his forehead. His eye physically twitched as he stared daggers at the smirking blond captain opposite him. 

Erwin couldn’t help himself, really. It was already shaping up to be a long and tiresome day, and it was still only first thing in the morning. He was more than ready to have this meeting wrapped up and tucked away as his first victory towards integrating Levi and his many talents into the Corps. 

“If that’s all gentlemen, this meeting is adjourned,” Shadis concluded, appearing as tired as Erwin himself felt. “Flagon, the three new recruits will be under your command.” 

Erwin’s breath caught in his chest. He turned quickly to Commander Shadis, though any protest that had been building on his lips dwindled and died with the look the haggard man gave him. 

He schooled his features into ones of dutiful respect in an instant. Now wasn’t the time to question the Commander’s decisions, but that sure as hell didn’t mean he wouldn’t do so in private. 

“What!?” Flagon practically screeched. Erwin had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “Why can’t they be placed under Captain Smith? The scoundrels are  _ his  _ little project, after all.” 

Erwin had no qualms about shooting Flagon a disdainful glare that he refused to give Shadis. His respect for the Corps Commander did not always extend to all of the captains under the man’s authority. 

“Captain Smith already commands his own team and develops all soldier formations for Survey operations. It would also be best that the three be placed in a generalized section of the Corps rather than a special operations squad, since they have no military training or prior fighting experience.”

Shadis’s tone indicated that the argument was concluded and his decision was final. 

Erwin hung back while Flagon stalked out of the room behind Mike and the other captains of the Corps. His evident pouting set Erwin’s teeth on edge, but he had more important things to worry about than the disgruntled, egotistical man. 

He turned to Shadis, doing his best to hide his dissatisfaction with the Commander’s placement of Levi. He had no doubt the boy would blossom best under  _ his _ tutelage with  _ his _ team. 

Shadis held up a hand before Erwin could even open his mouth to convey his already well-crafted argument that he had developed moments ago in his head. 

“Spare me, Erwin,” the man said wearily, rubbing a wrinkled hand over his blood-shot eyes. “I know I have made you unhappy, but I have my reasons for placing the three ruffians under Flagon.” 

“If I may be so bold as to ask what those reasons are, Commander,” Erwin replied in his most respectful tone, placing his hands behind his back and standing to his full height. 

Shadis barked out a laugh, though the sound was mostly bitter and humorless. He sounded exhausted more than anything. 

“Need I remind you that they are not here to join the Survey Corps, but rather to end your life and help an extremely corrupt and immoral man maintain his position of power?” 

Shadis’s voice was incredulous. 

Erwin blinked twice before continuing. 

“Is… that all?” He asked. 

Erwin had honestly expected more from the Commander. 

Shadis knew that Erwin was more than capable of handling himself in dangerous and dubious situations. It was one of the reasons that they respected and trusted each other so much. Each knew the other’s strengths down to the last detail. 

“No, Erwin. That’s not all,” Shadis sighed. “And damn you for noticing, too,” he added with a small smile.

Erwin replied with a smile of his own, relaxing his shoulders and easing down into the chair he had occupied during the meeting. 

Shadis followed suit and sat with a loud huff, rubbing his hands messily through his hair before continuing. 

“I know that you believe that boy to be very capable and a very promising soldier,” Shadis started, pausing after a moment to choose his next words carefully. “I know you, Erwin. You’ll stop at nothing to control and direct the boy until he is a perfect chess piece moving across the board for you.” 

Shadis held up a hand when Erwin tried to protest that Levi was so much more than a simple chess piece, that Erwin never once viewed the boy as a tool. He believed Levi’s ability to become a sharply honed weapon went far beyond any banal maneuvering like using a blade. Levi’s skills were much greater than that; the boy himself was so much greater than that. 

“While he may be a soldier and he may be a part of the Survey Corps now, he should still get the choice of whether or not he wants to follow you… and in turn, the boy should prove that he is worthy of your tutelage as well.”

Erwin paused for a minute, mulling the words over in his head. 

Finally, after stretched out seconds of thinking, he sighed. 

The commander had a point. Levi would never just blatantly follow him. He had to be given a reason why; why he should trust the man that had captured him and his friends; why he should trust the man that represented the very institution he despised. 

That was fine. Erwin would give Levi that reason and more. He would provide Levi with everything the boy could ever need to succeed. 

“I understand, Commander,” Erwin replied, rising from his seat and giving the man a light clap on the shoulder to show there were no hard feelings. 

He strode out of the east-side strategy room with a renewed sense of purpose. He had duties to attend to, and a young ruffian to convince that Erwin was worthy of his trust and respect. 

\---

“Didn’t you hear what that piece of shit was spouting out of his piece of shit mouth?” Levi all but hissed, wiping his hands roughly on a cloth he had pulled out of the pocket of his white military slacks. 

This day was already shaping up to be a terrible one. First, he had been forced to introduce himself in front of the  _ entire _ ranks of the Survey Corps. Even worse, that bushy-browed fuck had been there looking as smug and dastardly as usual. 

Then he, Furlan, and Isabel had been assigned under what was potentially the most idiotic excuse for a human being possible, Captain Fletcher Flagon. Levi was almost starting to believe that Erwin Smith may not be the worst bastard in the Survey Corps with the poisonous glare Flagon had shot him and his companions. 

When the slim, constipated-looking man had shown them to the barracks, he had possessed the  _ audacity  _ to suggest that Levi and his friends were unable to keep a place clean just because they had been living in the Underground slums. Levi knew that he was in this mess with the intent to murder, but he was starting to change up just  _ who  _ he considered killing. 

“We weren’t just caught by accident, you know,” Furlan sighed in exasperation, shooting Levi a miffed glare. 

Levi’s first few interactions with Captain Flagon had gone less than poorly, much to his companion’s vexation. 

“I hope you haven’t forgotten why we’re here, Levi.” 

Levi turned to fully take in the sandy-haired man in front of him. His eyes narrowed. He knew that Furlan had a point. They were attracting too much attention to themselves if the whole basis of their operation relied on getting in and getting out as quickly as possible. 

He had no doubt that every last soldier of the Survey Corps now knew they were Underground criminals all but forced into the military's ranks. Information like that could not easily be contained, and such gossip spread like wildfire once it was out. 

“I know,” Levi replied grimly, dropping down onto his uncomfortable, military-grade mattress that didn’t give even a bit under his comparatively lacking bodyweight. 

He sighed tiredly, running a hand over his sharp features in quick contemplation. Whatever they were planning to do, it needed to be done rapidly lest they become too ingrained into the Corps’ operations to make an easy dash out when the time came. 

“We’ll need to look for the document,” Furlan replied uneasily, dropping his voice and glancing around as if someone might be hiding behind one of the wooden planks just waiting to catch them in the middle of their crime. 

They were truly behind enemy territory now. 

“Yeah,” Levi huffed. “Tomorrow. After dinner but before curfew. Smith will most likely be off doing whatever shitty things captains do together. I’ll sneak into his office while you two keep watch.” 

Furlan nodded, his features determined but his face still largely pale in the dimming light of the sleeping quarters. The sandy-haired man may have been used to thievery in the subterranean city where he had the tactical and geographical advantage, but the surface and the military was unchartered territory for all of them. 

Any number of things could go wrong, and that thought hung heavily over all of their heads. The trio had already used their one get-out-of-jail-free card. If they were caught in the middle of a crime again, it would no doubt be the end of a rope for all of them. 

Levi would be damned if he let anything happen to Isabel and Furlan, though. 

“I wish I could stay here with you two,” Isabel whined out, breaking the tense silence that had settled between the three of them. 

Levi smiled despite himself. The girl always had an innate ability to lighten the mood in her own little ways. She was a constant source of humor and jubilance whenever he and Furlan became weighed down by the nature of their work. 

“Sorry, Izzy. You have to bunk with the women up here,” Furlan laughed, ruffling the girl’s hair affectionately despite her attempts to swat his hand away. 

“But that’s ridiculous! Big bro, tell him that’s ridiculous!” 

“I really couldn’t give a damn where you sleep as long as I don’t have to spend half the night listening to your obnoxious snoring,” Levi deadpanned, staring down the girl severely. 

Furlan barked out a booming, exuberant laugh as Isabel began to protest Levi’s accusation vehemently, throwing her arms around wildly to accompany her increasingly erratic speech. 

Levi couldn’t hide his small smile when the girl finally ran out of breath and stopped her ranting abruptly, shooting him the most severe evil eye she could possibly manage. It did little to phase Levi as he walked up and ruffled the girl’s hair before striding out of the barracks with the pair following on his heels. 

They had to retrieve whatever mandatory paperwork the Corps was requiring them to complete. For once Levi was glad that Kenny had taken the time to teach him how to fight  _ and  _ how to read, though the latter was mostly supposed to be meant for pulling cons and falsifying records if it were ever needed later in his life. 

Their first day of training would start tomorrow, and Levi could only imagine what that would hold. 

\---

Levi observed as Isabel expertly maneuvered a chestnut, military-grade stallion around a complex obstacle course laid out on the training grounds of the Survey Corps’s base of operations. He knew the girl had always been good with animals, but her demonstrated skill took that notion and heightened it to new levels. 

He could see her leaning down and whispering to the mount as she directed its movements with uncanny precision. It was almost as if the horse understood her, and they were communicating in some sort of ancient language that no mere mortal could understand.

Levi suppressed a small smile, though with some difficulty. Isabel was having much better luck acclimatizing to training than he was thus far, and he was happy to see the girl so joyful. 

Levi himself didn’t trust the two gargantuan mounts the Corps had provided him for expeditions. Although the horses were a breed specialized in long-distance territory coverage and speed, he still didn’t trust their sleek, well-honed bodies that could throw him to the ground in a second if they so desired. 

Base animals were petulant like that, and Levi had no inclination to put his trust in such creatures when he would inevitably be forced out into titan country beyond the walls. 

Levi turned back to Flagon when the captain gave an irritating little cough to signal his attention. The man was as base as the animals Levi was wary of, and he had no desire to spend his first day of training in the sandy-blond’s constant company, though that was proving difficult since he was their assigned captain. 

Levi rubbed his eyes tiredly as he stared Flagon down in disgruntlement. Early morning, military wake-up calls had been a rude arousal for Levi earlier that day, and he was still trying to recover from that abrupt vexation. 

Having lived all of his life in the artificial light of the Underground, Levi never had the opportunity nor the inclination to schedule his day around the rising and setting of the sun. He had slept when he wanted to, gone out when he wanted to, completed jobs when he wanted to with no mind ever paid to the time of day. 

Now that he was forced to adhere to the surface dwellers’s cyclical schedule, abruptly being awoken just as the sun was peeking out over the horizon had been an unwanted and vicious arousal that gave Levi the distinct sense that he was being tortured. 

He stared Flagon down with those thoughts swirling menacingly in his head. 

The man unconsciously backed up a few steps when he saw Levi’s ferocious look. 

Levi couldn’t help but be a bit pleased by that. The same thing had happened the previous day in the barracks, proving to Levi with each interaction that Captain Flagon was truly a spineless git that did not deserve the reverence of his title. 

Flagon whirled around and whispered a few harsh mutterings to the two soldiers behind him. 

Levi was fairly certain he heard the word ‘cretin’ and the phrase ‘damn Smith’ leave the captain's mouth, but he didn’t much care what the man was sniveling on about when he was supposed to be introducing Levi to the training regiment. 

Levi eyed the two soldiers behind Flagon warily. The taller of the two, Hanji Zoë, was second-in-command in Smith’s squad and a force to be reckoned with all on her own. Her haphazard hair matched her haphazard personality; the woman was a constant ball of questionable energy, persistently blabbering on about random titan facts and tidbits that made the other soldiers around her shift uncomfortably in their boots. 

Levi figured she had to be a damn good soldier for not having been hanged as a heretic yet, or perhaps people thought she came off as a little too crazy to be taken seriously. 

The man next to Zoë was a more timid, more tolerable Scout that seemed to be about the only person other than Erwin Smith who could calm the overzealous woman down. 

Like Levi and his companions, Moblit Berner was a newer addition to the Survey Corps and a Scout placed in generalized operations rather than a specialty squad. Although he seemed fairly unexceptional, Levi believed his uncanny ability to get Hanji Zoë to shut the fuck up deserved some sort of award. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Flagon spat as he turned back to Levi and watched how the smaller man drew his blades out of their sheath. 

Levi was sick of standing around waiting on some moronic captain to get his act together. If he was going to be forced to train, then they might as well get on with it. 

Flagon gaped at Levi’s handling of the blade; namely, that he handled them  _ backwards  _ with the front of his hand facing up rather than down.

“Those blades weren’t designed to be held like that! Do you want to die the moment you step outside the walls?”

Levi turned away from the man, ignoring his useless, mind-numbing ranting in favor of observing the obstacle course in front of him. He was meant to utilize the trees to move in his gear and strike down any makeshift titan that lunged out at him through a mechanization of what appeared to be levers and pulleys controlled by fellow Scouts. Straight forward enough, he supposed. 

“You should ask yourself the same question,” Levi retorted, not bothering to glance back at Flagon as he walked up to the edge of the trees.  “All I have to do is slice the nape of the titan’s neck, right? I’ll do it anyway I like.” 

With that he was off, firing his gear into the forest and flying through trees with adept precision. He made sure to hang languidly in the air as he moved, preserving gas and allowing himself the extra seconds to observe his surroundings from up above as he moved. 

“Was he given formal training!?” Hanji squawked in amazement. 

She had never seen a soldier so naturally skilled at utilizing the 3DM gear. 

“No, I don’t think so,” Moblit replied a bit hesitantly, eyeing Levi with equal parts admiration and wariness. 

He was aware of the rumors circling around about the raven and his two companions. He almost believed them.

“Amazing, amazing!” Hanji bellowed reverently, causing Moblit to jump in his boots slightly. “Everything, from how we search for Titans to how we defeat them, is dependent on individual methods! This is getting interesting!”

Moblit glanced around as several soldiers circling the training grounds backed away slightly in alarm. Hanji was displaying her excessive enthusiasm a little too exuberantly again, and it seemed he was one of the few who had the ability to calm her down. He sighed anxiously, holding up his hands to placate the enlivened woman. 

Among the trees, Levi flew through the course, his eyes narrowed and his senses heightened for any signs of movement in the warm, afternoon breeze. The buzzing of life in the little forest was largely lost to the whipping of wind through his ears. He relied on his sight more than his hearing to discern indications of change, no matter how subtle, in his surroundings.

The first makeshift Titan appeared almost out of nowhere. It took more than an abruptly appearing giant to startle Levi though, it would seem. 

He diverted his course in an instant, latching himself onto one of the tree branches and then spinning off with building speed. He flipped his blade around in his hand as he cut just deep enough into the model’s neck to indicate a kill-shot. 

Flagon circled behind Levi in begrudging amazement. No soldier succeeded at a kill  _ alone _ on their  _ first _ shot. Especially not Underground scoundrels with no military background or training. 

He stared after Levi as the small man zipped faster and faster through the dense foliage, appearing as though the blades he held were no more than extensions of his arms, and the gear at his hips was some type of wing allowing him to fly rapidly and gracefully through the stinging air. Just who the hell was this man? 

Levi completed the course, killing all twelve titans that popped out at him along the way with ease. 

By the end of it, he was a touch bored. He was hoping for a good distraction to help settle some of the nerves accompanying having to break into Smith’s office later that evening, though it would seem destroying fake Titans was not going to do the trick. 

Levi landed outside of the training course with graceful dexterity, brushing off compliments that his fellow Scouts bestowed on him in an instant. His goal was to go  _ unnoticed _ . Perhaps he should have allowed himself to do poorly so as not to arouse attention. He’d have to think it through better next time. 

Levi watched warily as Hanji Zoë bounded  _ away  _ from him, much to his surprise. He expected to be bombarded by the woman the instant he landed, though seeing where or rather  _ who _ she was heading to made Levi almost wish she had. 

Erwin Smith stood a few paces away watching him unwaveringly. Even when his second-in-command bounced over and began chattering avidly, his gaze never once left Levi. 

Levi felt himself stiffen. The man’s stare was piercing, as intense as it had been the first time they met. A small smile crept up the blond’s lips that made Levi shiver. 

Just who did this man think he was? Levi was going to kill him for fuck’s sake! Surely he must have some sort of suspicion. Erwin Smith wasn’t as idiotic as his fellow Corps soldiers, after all.

Levi felt himself freeze as Erwin started walking slowly towards him. He forced his body to relax, yet he unconsciously tightened his hands around the hilt of his sheathed blades. What he wouldn’t give to pull them out and just slit the man’s throat right then and there. 

Levi had to keep his cool, though. He had a job to complete, and Isabel and Furlan’s safety and well-being relied on his success. He forced himself to let go of his swords, to don a bored, disinterested expression as the blond captain approached where he stood.

Erwin ended up passing him, walking up to the foot of the training course without so much as a backward glance. 

Levi still heard the quiet murmur of ‘good job’ as Erwin passed, though. He still felt the warm brush of the blond’s fingertips as Erwin lifted his hand easily to his cheek and touched briefly his paling bruise, the bruise that he had been so curious about earlier, lightly as he walked on. 

Something in Levi’s stomach knotted. He gasped out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This officially marks the last chapter that follows the OVA in any way. I was hoping more would happen in this chapter, but the point I broke it off at works best to go into next chapter. We did get to meet Hanji and Moblit, though, and both those characters hold a special place in my heart. Also, apparently poor Flagon was just never given a first name (that I know of) in the series, so I provided him one, not that it's used all that much, though. Next one will delve into Levi and Erwin's backgrounds a bit. Yay! Thanks for reading!


	4. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He would not be swayed, though. His job was to protect them, to get citizenship for them. If that meant he would be the one to deliver the final blow to Smith, to risk capture and death for the nature of his crime, then Levi was fine with that. 

“Okay, Erwin. Give it up,” Hanji bellowed as soon as they had taken seats behind the long, ebony bar that stretched around the length of the small tavern. 

Mike sat on the other side of him, looking more thoughtful than curious as he sipped languidly at an overflowing pint of dark, amber liquid. 

The air in the room was warm; all around them the sound of jubilant chattering could be heard cascading off drab walls that decorated the dingy interior. 

Odiha was a town accessible by mount a few leagues away from the Survey Corps’ current training base. The settlement was small but largely self-sufficient, relying on agriculture and mining to survive, and the desire for revelry by Scout soldiers to thrive. 

The single tavern the town boasted was a shabby little establishment, but one constantly packed with locals and soldiers alike looking to let off steam and socialize somewhere away from the difficulty of day-to-day survival. 

Erwin sipped leisurely at his own pint before addressing Hanji. It was bitter and watered-down, but a drink was a drink. And right now, Erwin really needed a drink. 

“Where the hell did you find that kid? I mean, God damn!” Hanji squawked, not bothering to address her superior officer in accordance with his rank in any way. 

Erwin and Hanji had been friends before they had both joined the Scouts. While the two maintained some level of decorum when necessary, titles were often something they looked past when sitting down to talk together. Mike had quickly become a part of that fold after Hanji and Erwin had joined the Corps and proved their worth. 

“I assume you have heard the rumors by now. Judging by that, I’m sure you can guess.” 

Hanji snorted uncouthly, slapping Erwin hard on the back before signaling another round to the ruddy-cheeked bartender who smiled merrily back at them. 

The Survey Corps was fairly well regarded in the town, and thus did not attract the usual looks of apprehension and suspicion as they did in the other villages and cities expanding inside the walls. Readily flowing coin from Scout soldier’s pockets sufficiently kept the scorn and contempt at bay among the townsfolk. 

“He’s really from the Underground?”

“Hmm,” Erwin hummed, staring ahead at the lines of colorful bottles adorning the shelves hung up behind the bar, memorizing the rows and rows of liquors and their order with one easy glance. 

He allowed his mind to traverse through the memory of his first encounter with Levi as Hanji continued gesticulating wildly to accompany her talking. He remembered the way Levi moved to drive that small knife towards his neck. He remembered the way Levi had caught his wrist to stop his advancing blade, and how the boy’s petite bottom lip felt along the length of his fingertip as he brushed Levi's mouth once. 

Erwin shivered slightly. 

“He’s a criminal!?”

Erwin nodded in response. 

“The Military Police wanted to hang him!?” 

Erwin couldn’t suppress a chuckle at that, glancing over at Hanji with a twinkle of mischief lighting his azure eyes. 

The wild-haired woman grinned back, looking impressed with Erwin’s usual, borderline-insurgent antics. 

“I still say we should have let them,” Mike chimed in with a huff, sliding down the last sip from his first pint. 

Erwin glimpsed over at the gruff captain and smiled slightly. He didn’t mind that Mike was still not on board with his musings. The sandy-haired man knew talent when he saw it and he was more willing than most to admit Levi was a savant with a blade. It was the boy’s questionable past and dubious, murder-driven motives that made the older man hesitant. Erwin understood that. 

“There must be more to it than that, though,” Hanji commented, leaning far back on her bar stool as she usually did. 

Erwin had to wonder how she hadn’t ever fallen over and cracked her head open on the floor, but Hanji was a woman full of mysteries. She could balance on the edge of a single barstool's leg as easily as she could cut the nape of a titan’s neck. Erwin couldn’t quite say which he found more impressive. 

“What did his paperwork say?” 

“He filled it out?” Mike interjected in surprise, eyeing Erwin intently. 

Erwin nodded. He had been surprised himself when he requested the boy’s file and had actually received a neat, completed document. 

“So the sewer rat actually knows how to read and write?” Mike mused, sounding far more contemplative than ill-mannered. 

The captain’s curiosity was well founded. A large portion of the surface dwelling population could neither read nor write. The fact that an Underground scoundrel could do both was highly peculiar, indeed. 

“He has intelligence and abilities that go far beyond his station in life,” Erwin said to no one in particular, his comment hanging contemplatively in the space between the three. 

Levi was a mystery he had been trying to solve for days now with little luck. The boy was an enigma, magnificent in his obscurity and intrigue. Erwin found his thoughts revolving around Levi as much as they did around troop formations and the upcoming expedition. 

“Well, what did his file say? Knowing you, Erwin, you probably went looking for it long before Flagon ever did,” Hanji asked, eyeing her captain mischievously. 

Erwin had the good grace to give his fellow soldier a sheepish smile. She was, in fact, correct. He had obtained and made a copy of Levi’s file practically right after it was completed. 

The buzzing of conversation washed over Erwin’s senses as he paused to recall the document. He could picture its contents perfectly in his mind, even visualizing the little ink blotch that rested at the top, right-hand corner of the page where Levi had paused for a second in hesitation to write something, and then abruptly moved on without making a stroke. Erwin smiled slightly. 

“He did not fill out any of the sections on personal history or familial contacts. Most of the information on physical features was not completed until later when he received an evaluation from the Corps physician, and those spaces were filled in by the doctor instead.” 

“So the kid _barely_ provided any information himself?” Mike asked incredulously. 

Erwin nodded solemnly, accepting his newly-filled pint form the bartender with a cordial smile. 

“Not even his last name,” Erwin added. “Though I doubt he knows it. In fact, I got the feeling most of the missing information was not left blank out of a lack of desire, but rather out of a lack of knowledge.” 

“So, you’re saying…” Hanji paused, allowing Erwin to fill in the blank.

“That familial contacts were not provided because the boy probably does not have any. He was not aware of basic knowledge, such as his height, weight, or even age beforehand, and he intentionally left the personal history section blank because there are things he would rather not have documented about himself.” 

A heavy silence hung between the three as each processed the blond captain’s words. 

Erwin himself had spent days mulling over Levi’s many mysteries to no avail. Even the boy’s two companions had provided far more information than Levi himself had. 

It was practically like Levi was a shadow; if one were to look away even for a second, he would surely disappear in the blink of an eye, never to be seen again. 

The thought unsettled Erwin. He did not want Levi to disappear. The boy was too talented and too important to fall through the cracks of societal shortcomings. 

It was Hanji who broke the silence first. She appeared far less hesitant about Levi’s many obscurities than Mike and even the rest of the Corps did. She had been there when Levi had completed the 3DM training course with perfect ease and precision. 

Erwin was convinced his second-in-command would have taken the boy in herself if given the chance. Unlike many, she did not see unusual things, those things that fell outside of the societally dictated lines of normal and acceptable, as a threat. It was what Erwin liked best about the woman, even if he constantly had to remind her to rein in her enthusiasm and musings. Hanji was a good, well-rounded soldier but she was not above being charged as a heretic. 

“What did the physician say about him? He seems practically ageless at times, his appearance is so unique, and the way he utilizes the gear makes him seem more bird than human.” 

Erwin paused, his mind’s eye trailing down the page of the document to recall every detail of Levi’s physical attributes. They were perhaps some of the most striking he had ever encountered. 

“The physician stated that his age was difficult to determine due to signs of malnutrition and other physical maladies. There were indications of past bone breaks, muscle tears, and concussions that numbered in the many despite his young age; although, the doctor did say he appeared to have healed abnormally easily despite the nature of some of the injuries. Given the obscurities surrounding his physical development, the physician placed him to be around nineteen years of age with fair certainty.” 

“He’s practically still a child,” Hanji said somberly. 

“Not hardly,” Mike snorted. “I’d be shocked if that boy wasn’t thieving and killing by the time he was ten. Besides, some people are just forced to grow up early in order to survive. I joined the military at thirteen. Erwin did, at what, fifteen? It’s just the way life is for some people.” 

Erwin nodded, thoughts of his first few days as a new recruit floating into his head. Mike was correct, he had been only fifteen when he joined the military. Even then, he was hell bent on becoming a Scout. 

It didn’t matter that he had quickly distinguished himself as one of the best soldiers in his training Corps, or that the rest of his peers were vying for one of the few spots in the Military Police. Erwin had a goal, vengeance consumed his thoughts, and he would be damned if he failed. 

Memories of his father trampled through his mind but Erwin pushed them aside. Now wasn’t the time for such reflections. He found that he liked to think about the man most when he was alone and had a good bottle of whiskey all to himself. It was the only thing that kept the hurt and regret at bay. 

\---

Erwin rubbed a hand warily over his face as he made his way down the winding, torch-lit corridors of the Corps’ base. It had been a long day for him, and one that was not over yet. 

Erwin was glad he had not allowed himself to drink as much as wanted to back at the tavern. Mike and Hanji were still there; he could only imagine what state they would show up in for tomorrow’s training sessions. 

As a captain, he was afforded far less scrutiny than his fellow soldiers, meaning that rules such as curfew hardly applied to him. Hanji always seemed to avoid such regulations with ease, so she frequently accompanied Mike and Erwin out whenever they felt the need to get away from the base for the evening. 

Moonlight filtered in through the archery slits in the castle’s stone walls. The mixture of the flaming torchlight and the gleaming, celestial luminescence provided an eerie glow throughout the corridor, bouncing murky shadows off the walls as if they were floating specters. 

Erwin made his way mindlessly towards his office, mentally calculating how long it would take him to finalize the details on the Scouts’s formation plans for the upcoming expedition. He felt confident in his formulations but there was still the lingering apprehension that his designs would lead to more rather than fewer casualties. It was a constant nagging he had to live with as the Scouts’s formation designer, though Erwin found it was one of the best occupations to utilize his tactical abilities and methodical mindset. 

He walked into his office with a weary sigh, easily traversing adeptly through the darkened space to light one of the torches lining the walls. 

Erwin knew immediately as the flame ignited that something was off. It wasn’t an observation, but rather a feeling that seemed to tug in his gut and heighten his every sense. 

Erwin looked around the space. A quick glance told him that everything was how he had left it only a few hours prior down to the last detail, although that didn’t mean that things were normal. He strained his ears, hoping to hear even the slightest indication that something was off, that someone was not where they were supposed to be. 

He couldn’t suppress a smile when he finally heard it. The sound was faint. If he hadn’t been listening for it, it would have gone overlooked. 

Breathing. Quietly. In and out. In and out. Someone other than he was breathing in his office. 

Erwin had to give Levi credit. He was really quite good. If the boy had told him he was a professionally trained assassin, Erwin would have believed him. 

He walked over to a cabinet that sat next to one of his spiraling bookcases packed to the brim with strategy theories and military history books pushed up against the surface of the room’s left wall. 

Erwin pulled out two intricately designed glasses and a rather expensive bottle of whiskey gifted to him by one of the noblewomen at the last court engagement Shadis had asked him to attend. He filled each of the glasses partway with the dark liquid before capping the bottle but leaving the cabinet open. He didn’t want to assume Levi’s drinking habits. 

“Any time you’d like to come out would be most welcome, Levi,” Erwin called into the seemingly-empty space. “On your own time, of course,” he added with a teasing lilt to his voice after the boy didn’t immediately emerge. 

He knew Levi was hiding in the space under his desk; there was no other viable place for him to hide in the room. It had probably taken the boy considerable precision to slip under there in the few seconds it had taken Erwin to enter the room and ignite the torch. Really, quite impressive. 

Levi emerged slowly from the small space, and Erwin was once again reminded of the boy’s predatorial qualities and cat-like movements. 

He smiled pleasantly. It had been days since he had spoken with Levi. Even hours was too long to go without Erwin seeing or hearing from the boy once. 

Erwin grabbed the two liquor-filled glasses and strode over to his desk, gesturing for Levi to sit in his chair while he took one of the two meant for guests. 

Levi eyed him suspiciously, every muscle tensed in his body as if he were preparing to pounce at any second. 

Erwin was sure he was. 

His pleasant smile remained as he gestured for Levi to take a seat and took one himself, bringing his glass up to his lips and drinking deeply. 

The liquor and beer still coursing through his veins mixed in his system and provided Erwin with a light glow to his cheeks. He was perhaps a bit too intoxicated to be dealing with a murderous hitman sent to kill him, but Erwin was willing to take his chances for an opportunity to speak with Levi. 

Levi sat slowly, never once removing his eyes from Erwin in the process. 

The two continued to stare at each other for many long, drawn-out seconds before Erwin finally rose to replenish his glass, quickly returning once the amber liquid filled the crystal grooves again. 

Erwin eased back into his chair with a sigh. The rush of adrenaline he had discovering an intruder in his office had all but faded back into the aching tiredness that pushed ceaselessly at his bleary eyes. 

“I hope your training is going well,” Erwin began conversationally, crossing one leg over the other and swirling the liquid in his glass around languidly. 

He was met with silence. 

“I was very impressed with your abilities on the 3DM course earlier today. There are many high ranking officers that could not manage what you did, especially with no training and limited experience utilizing the gear.” 

Silence. 

“Do you not like whiskey?” Erwin asked, gesturing to Levi’s untouched glass. 

Levi remained unmoving, and then, as if going through his actions in slow motion, reached out and took hold of the crystal glass and downed the contents in one go. He never once took his wintry eyes off of Erwin. 

Erwin smiled, reaching for the glass Levi had set back down and rising to refill it. He brought the whiskey bottle over to the desk when he returned. 

“As I said before, I am really quite impressed with your abilities, though I honestly expected nothing less,” Erwin continued as he eased back in his chair, folding one leg over the other and providing Levi a warm glance. 

Levi opened his mouth slowly; his voice came out roughly as he responded, as if he had not spoken in many hours and was trying to acclimatize to the task once again.

“What the fuck do you want?” he hissed, sparing Erwin none of the ferocity in his glare.

“Merely to have a pleasing conversation with you.” 

Erwin’s voice was light as he responded, his eyes glowing with affection and mirth as he took in the small form across from him. Levi’s sharp features were highlighted in the dim light of the flaming torch. He looked almost celestial in appearance as his pale skin glowed. 

“Nothing you could do would please me.” 

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Levi,” Erwin retorted, eyeing the boy with a heated glance he couldn’t quite hide. “You and I have barely done anything together. I wouldn’t discount the potential.” 

Levi’s eyes narrowed. He appeared more and more feline by the second. His muscles remained tensed in precise preparation to leap, to jump out and attack if it came down to that. 

Erwin almost wished he would try. 

“I want nothing to do with you,” Levi growled back, practically baring his teeth in outrage. 

“The fact that you broke into my office would indicate otherwise,” Erwin deadpanned. 

Levi seemed unphased by the accusation. He shrugged nonchalantly, easing into his chair a bit more and grabbing his glass off of the desk. 

“The castle is old; the locks are shit. Maybe yours broke and I happened to be passing by and saw the door open. Surely it would be well within my purview to check to see if a _fellow soldier’s_ personal space was undisturbed.” 

Levi’s tone was mocking, his glare deriding. Erwin enjoyed every second of it. 

“I see your abilities to break the law and evade justice extend to many aspects of your life,” Erwin noted, making no attempt to mask the simper growing on his lips. “Though I do have to point curfew out as one glaring hole in your tale.” 

Levi snorted scornfully, providing Erwin an unimpressed look. 

“Between breaking an actual law and breaking one of Shadis’s moronic rules, I’d take my chances with that gaunt bastard any day.” 

“Hmm,” Erwin hummed, nodding lightly. “I suppose you don’t sleep much anyways, so curfew must seem a rather foolish notion to you.” 

“Excuse me,” Levi bit back sharply. “Ho - why would you think I don’t sleep?” 

“I notice quite a bit about people, particularly those who I find most intriguing.” 

Levi remained silent at this, his body losing any of the looseness it had obtained to revert back to a rigid stance. 

“I could always look into getting you some sort of remedy to help you sleep if you so desire,” Erwin continued when it was clear Levi would not answer. “Or look into getting you a private room. The castle has more than enough space.” 

Levi narrowed his eyes once more, glaring at Erwin severely. 

“Why? People like you don’t give a shit about people like me.”

“I hold nothing but the highest respect for you, Levi.” 

“Bullshit,” Levi snorted derisively, pulling his glare from Erwin to look off to the side almost bitterly. His grip on the liquor glass seemed enough to shatter the crystal. 

Erwin remained quiet at that. He doubted he could convince Levi of his intense admiration so easily. The boy was still clearly operating under the mindset of killing him. He had no reason to trust or even listen to Erwin. 

Erwin endeavored to change the subject. It did him no good if Levi was going to remain so combative towards him. He needed to learn more about the boy. 

“Where did you learn how to read and write?” Erwin asked. He was genuinely curious, too. 

“Where did _you_ learn how to read and write?” Levi retorted. 

“From my father. He was a history teacher in the Karanes District on the eastern side of Wall Rose.” 

“Huh, I thought you would have been some sort of pretentious noble with a death wish.” 

Erwin smiled. “No, I am not a noble, nor do I have a death wish. However, my father provided tutoring for children of nobility so I did traverse through the ranks of the one-percent quite often.” 

“It shows.” 

The statement was not a compliment. Erwin didn’t mind in the slightest. 

“I value those who are well-spoken and well-read, though I do understand the shortcomings that arise from devoting one’s life solely to such pursuits.”

“So you value pretentious assholes over us plebeian masses?” Levi questioned mockingly, his eyes narrowing almost as if he were challenging Erwin more than his usual threatening air would allow. It was an interesting development. 

“Nothing about you represents a plebeian nor the masses. You are one of the most well-spoken people I have ever met in the sense that you know exactly what to say to get your point across, and I am sure there is enough knowledge in your head to fill many books.” 

“You twist everything that you say with double meanings and ways to distract from your true intentions,” Levi bit back, setting his glass down harshly on the desk surface. The sound resonated with a loud _thunk_ as silence ensued for the briefest of moments. 

Erwin couldn’t prevent the smile that crept up his lips. He knew he was looking at Levi far more indecently than he should. Erwin didn’t care much, though. 

“Yes I do, Levi,” Erwin murmured. “Would you like more whiskey?” 

Levi’s fingers twitched slightly. Erwin couldn’t tell if Levi was determining whether to pick up the glass for him to fill or to throw it at him. Either was fine. 

“I must say,” Erwin continued when Levi would not, “your intelligence impresses me. You seem to understand so much, yet you have no formal education.” 

“I’ve always found my lack of a formal education to be the best thing for my intelligence,” Levi replied gruffly. 

“Surely,” Erwin smiled. 

Levi rose from his seat abruptly and with a huff. 

Erwin resisted the urge to pout. He hadn’t experienced such petulant emotions in so long that it was almost humorous even for him. 

“Leaving so soon?” He asked placidly, schooling his voice into one of mild interest. 

“I have no reason to stay.”

“Is my desire to have you stay not reason enough?” 

Blazing, blue eyes met wintry, grey ones. 

Levi stared Erwin down raptly. The boy’s expression was complex and difficult to discern. Erwin sensed flickers of trepidation and curiosity, and so many other swirling things that were probably meant solely for Levi’s private thoughts. Erwin wanted to be a part of those thoughts. 

Levi was the one to look away first. He strode around the desk and past Erwin without a second glance. 

“You forget I am your superior officer, Levi.” 

The boy froze halfway across the room, his hands balling tightly into fists at his sides. 

It was a low move for Erwin, but one he could reflect upon later. 

“May I go, _sir_?” Levi muttered, his voice laced with poorly masked disdain. 

“You may. Please try and get some rest.” 

Erwin paused as he watched Levi stride up to the door. 

“Oh, and Levi,” he called just as the boy was about to cross the threshold. 

Levi paused stiffly, unwilling to turn around. 

“Please try and refrain from entering my office without my knowledge in the future.” 

Levi did not grace Erwin with a glance or an answer as he closed the door shut behind himself. 

\---

The anger with which Levi stalked down the dimly lit halls of the castle’s corridors was enough to completely startle the few other soldiers he met along the way who appeared to have as little inclination for curfew as Levi himself did. He bolted away from Erwin’s office, his fists balled so tight that if Levi were to reach out and strike something as he so desperately wanted to, his fingers would probably break. 

Levi had failed, noticeably and miserably. He had spent over forty-five minutes looking for that damned report the Government Minister so desperately wanted to get his hands on, but he had found nothing even remotely interesting in Smith’s immaculate, overly-packed office save for a few correspondences between the Captain and some noblewomen that would probably raise some eyebrows. 

He had, once again, underestimated Erwin Smith, and had been caught in the process as well. Not that Erwin appeared particularly upset by his intrusion; in fact, Erwin had appeared more delighted than anything to see him. But Levi knew getting caught had still been a major loss for him in whatever game he now somehow found himself in with Smith. 

Levi had to wonder once more how much Erwin truly knew of Lovof’s intentions and desires. The captain was smart enough to realize Levi and his companions didn’t just let themselves get caught, but his mission would prove far more difficult if Erwin was aware of the extent of his assignment—namely that it involved stealing the document and slitting that blond bastard’s throat in the process. 

Erwin was intelligent but he wasn’t omniscient. Surely there were things that even he overlooked. 

Levi traversed his way across the corridors and past the barracks with relative ease. He had learned the layout of the castle quickly, knowing which pathways to slip down in order to avoid the most people. 

Vaguely, he was happy he didn’t run into anyone too important, like that sandy-haired fucker Zacharius. Levi wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep a lid on his rage if he saw _that_ bastard’s face. 

Sneaking down into the castle’s cellars proved overwhelmingly easy for Levi. He gave a curt grunt as he descended down the rickety, wooden stairs to signal his arrival to Furlan and Isabel. 

The two emerged from behind some stacks of crates, hopeful looks falling from their faces when they saw Levi’s expression. 

“Levi! Oh, thank God,” Furlan practically cheered. “Smith, he came around the corner so fast. We tried to use the signal but we had to hide and—”

“—It’s fine, Furlan,” Levi cut the man off. 

His mood could not take rambling apologies right then. They had more important things to deal with, anyways. 

“Did he catch you, big brother?” Isabel asked, fear and trepidation panging as a flash through her widened, child-like eyes. 

Something in Levi’s stomach squeezed. He had to look away. 

“Yeah, but I - I told him his batshit crazy second-in-command had sent me. He seemed to believe it.” 

Levi wasn’t sure why he was lying. It wasn’t as if anything bad had come out of his conversation with Erwin. The captain wasn’t punishing or reprimanding him in any way, after all. 

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to admit the truth to the two. To admit that Smith had caught him easily yet didn’t even seem to care what Levi had been doing. That all Erwin seemed concerned with was Levi himself, how he was doing, what his life had been like, as if Levi was somehow important, somehow someone to be valued and respected. 

Something in Levi’s stomach knotted. 

“I couldn’t find the document in Smith’s office anywhere,” Levi continued once he managed to get his swirling, indiscernible emotions in check. “I think he may be keeping it with him.” 

“Wh--what are we going to do then?” Furlan asked, face paling slightly. 

Levi’s expression became stony. He recalled his conversation with Erwin, how the man had practically _teased_ him, how he had the _audacity_ to inquire about Levi’s life and past as if they were old friends. 

Levi’s anger surged. Smith was playing a game with him, and Erwin was so confident he wouldn’t lose that he hadn’t even _cared_ that Levi had broken into his personal space, that he was planning to murder him the first chance he got. 

Levi’s eyes darkened. 

“Well, if we want to get the document, it means we’ll have to kill Smith first.” 

Levi’s tone was vicious as he uttered his death sentence. He balled his fists in determination. One of them had to kill Erwin Smith if their mission was going to be successful, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t the one who was going to do it. 

A tense silence hung between the three. Levi gathered his determination. There was truly no going back now. 

He needed to get to that document. He was almost certain Erwin was keeping it with him. The man was just a little too smart for his own good; it would be his downfall. 

“How are we going to do that?” Isabel asked quietly. 

Levi glanced over, his gaze softening ever so slightly looking at the girl. His chest panged. She was far too young to be doing this. The thought hurt him, but he knew she would live a much better life on the surface with citizenship than in the cavernous hellhole that was the Underground. 

“Not we, Izzy,” Levi replied with quiet determination. “I’ll be the one to do it. During the upcoming expedition. Any inevitable titan attacks will provide a good cover for me to slip over to Smith and finish the job.” 

Levi knew Furlan was glancing at him warily, that his sandy-haired friend did not contend with his plan in any way, and that Furlan didn’t like being left out of the most dangerous portion of the operation. 

Isabel’s relieved and exuberant smile was enough to pause any protest on Furlan’s lips, though. They would discuss it later, Levi was sure. 

He would not be swayed, though. His job was to protect _them_ , to get citizenship for _them_. If that meant he would be the one to deliver the final blow to Smith, to risk capture and death for the nature of his crime, then Levi was fine with that. 

After all, he really did believe he would enjoy killing Erwin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really unfortunate that the OVA didn't have Erwin catch Levi in his office. I also steadfastly believe that Levi is one of the most intelligent characters in the original work, even though he isn't portrayed as one of the official "smart" characters so to speak, like Armin, Erwin or even Hanji. I'm personally going to keep utilizing the trope that he and Erwin are both extremely intelligent, and thus click in a way that they don't with many others. Fics that portray Levi as less intelligent or somehow unknowing of many things just because of his background and poverty aren't really my cup of tea. If anything, I think that would make him even more aware. 
> 
> Anyways, that's my rant for the day. Thanks for reading!


	5. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a marked shift in his tone, even beyond the normal no-nonsense one he used to address the Commander or relay orders to his troops. It was cold and isolated, as if the man was physically distancing himself from the worst to come. 

Erwin felt tiredness pull at his limbs and cling to his eyelids as he stood in the pale morning sun surrounded by the lively buzz of early morning training sessions. All around him, soldiers practiced maneuvering on horseback in full gear, brushed up on hand-to-hand combat, and perfected cutting techniques with their blades in order to maximize the proper sharpness needed to slash a titan’s nape for the longest amount of time possible. 

Erwin’s day-to-day existence had been filled with such regimented exercises for the past three weeks all in effort to prepare for the expedition now only a single day away. Every morning he would wake before gleaming bursts of sunlight even brushed the horizon to teach his formation strategy to his fellow captains, and then proceed to work with the squads to ensure every soldier understood his or her position and duty in the ranks they would form beyond the walls. It had been grueling, to say the least. Never before had Erwin quite felt the weight of his seven years in the Survey Corps as he did now, and he had a distinct sense his fellow high ranking officers were experiencing similar feelings. 

Erwin stood next to Mike on the training grounds, following the movements of his squad as little fractures of light began their languid process of cutting through the early-morning cover of clouds overhead. He observed closely as Abel utilized the compact smoke flare in his hand to shoot off a green signal high into the sky. Light reflected off of the man’s signature thick-rimmed glasses as he stared slightly agape as the green streak rocketed up and above on a trajectory out of sight. Hanji responded with a green flare of her own to indicate her position was secure as the squad went through the motions of their mock expedition. 

When Erwin gestured, Klaus shot a red signal high into the air, indicating a section in distress and under attack. Hanji and Thomas, acting as a separate division in their simulated formation, broke their course in an effort to assist Klaus’s side. 

Despite the squad not utilizing the Corp’s mock titan silhouettes to add an air of authenticity to their trial, Erwin still felt the exercise was a beneficial one. It would be the first expedition in which flare signals would be introduced; an idea Erwin himself had come up with and was rather proud of. He had spent as much time the last month assisting to ensure every squad was up to par in their titan killing abilities as they were in recognizing and responding to the newly introduced, color-coded flares. Their addition was vital to his formation’s success, after all. 

“You’ve really outdone yourself this time, Erwin,” Mike noted as he watched his own squad tackle handling and responding to their new signal system a little ways off from Erwin’s. 

“Hardly,” Erwin responded mildly. “The Scouts have always faced difficulty communicating due to all that can ensue during assignments beyond the walls. I merely provided a means to better relay the state of a squad, and help to maintain some sense of order in the formation.” 

Mike snorted rather uncouthly before Erwin could even get his full thought out. 

“You’re so full of shit,” he murmured, shooting Erwin a slightly ruthless look as his mouth twisted into a small sneer of jest. 

A simper tugged at Erwin’s lips, stretching his face weighed down by the burden of sleepless nights and over-extensive amounts of stress. Mike wasn’t wrong per se, he just always appreciated that the sandy-haired captain was one of the few able to see and willing to call Erwin out on his more enterprising tendencies. 

“I do believe this will greatly aid mission success rates in the future, though,” Erwin said after a pause, his voice flowing with sincerity; a marked shift from his usual, placid tone. 

He believed in what he created, believed that it would work and be beneficial. 

“That is, if the flares can manage to make it to the expedition,” Mike snickered, watching as Hanji fumbled and dropped her own little signal device with clumsy hands, only to have one of her chestnut horse’s hooves trample over it. 

Erwin resisted the urge to sigh, noting, with some amusement, as Moblit Berner somehow managed to sense the woman’s haphazard distress and was at her side in an instant, placating his unbridled second-in-command despite not even being a part of Erwin’s squad. The blond captain truly found the new recruit to be fascinating, as he seemed to possess talents that came in handy at the most peculiar of times; most of said talents, of course, involving Hanji and her wild tendencies. 

“Do you think the batch of new recruits will hold up?” Mike asked, noting Moblit’s presence almost warily as he dwelled heavily on casualty rates among some of the Corp’s youngest members. 

“Some better than others,” Erwin replied with grim placidity, knowing full well that at least a third of the recruits were likely to die if the mission went south. 

Given only a month to prepare for the expedition, Erwin had determined to focus as little of his efforts on keeping the new soldiers alive as he did on just keeping them out of harm’s way altogether. Their mediocre titan fighting skills could not be put to the test if they learned to avoid the bestial threats, after all. 

Still, watching many of the new recruits cross wires and struggle to tame their mounts, a small ball of heaviness began to form and sit at the bottom of Erwin’s stomach. It wasn’t so much fear as it was anticipation; the expectation that, even with his best efforts, not everyone would be returning tomorrow. 

Erwin immediately shifted his eyes to find Levi as thoughts of death snaked their way into his overfilled mind. His senses would only be grounded and eased as soon as he saw the youth was still alive and well. 

“Looks like your boy is beating the shit out of another recruit,” Mike said almost as if on cue, his gaze honed in on Levi’s ongoing and rather one-sided hand-to-hand combat session. 

Erwin’s eyes immediately followed to where Mike looked, noting, with just a spark of amusement, that his fellow captain could not have been more correct. Levi was indeed pummeling another bright-eyed soldier within the purview of standard combat rules easily and mercilessly. 

Small amounts of satisfaction filled Erwin as the echoes of ‘your boy’ rang through his ears. Out of all the things Mike chose to call Levi, Erwin found that particular denomination to be less objectionable. Indeed, he rather liked the sound of it. 

“He has a tendency to do that when given the opportunity,” Erwin noted mildly, observing Levi thoroughly defeat his battered opponent. The boy looked bored. 

“No doubt practicing for you.” 

Erwin didn’t know if Mike meant that seriously, humorously or sarcastically. He had no doubt that Levi was preparing to fight him in some capacity eventually; however, Erwin could say he was more excited for when that time would finally arrive than anything. 

“Perhaps,” Erwin hummed. “Who do you think would win?” He added with a teasing lilt to his voice. 

One glance at Mike’s darkened expression told Erwin the captain did not find his comment as humorous as he himself did. 

“I’m not sure, Erwin,” Mike said severely, his entire body now tensed with bubbling emotion that worked to crack his normally even-tempered demeanor. 

Erwin sighed slightly. Mike had a point. 

Erwin wasn’t one to underestimate opponents, but when it came to the full range of Levi’s skills and capabilities, there was just so much unknown to him. Could Levi succeed in killing him if the boy were to try? Erwin wouldn’t put it past him, but he had enough faith in his abilities to maintain a rather tranquil frame of mind when contemplating Levi’s attempts on his life still yet to come. 

It wasn’t that Erwin was unprepared to win, it was that he was unwilling to lose. 

Erwin could feel the tension in Mike’s form radiating off as the pair continued to watch Flagon’s squad. Knowing that the Commander listened to Erwin almost on principle, Mike had urged him to request Levi and his companions be made to stay behind during the expedition. Erwin had, in his most genial manner, declined. He refused to give up his first opportunity to truly assess Levi’s skills and abilities. He had nothing to prove to others, but everything to prove to himself. He knew deeply and profoundly that Levi possessed the potential to change the tide of humanity’s war. Recognition of that inevitable fact would merely be an added bonus. 

Erwin observed with growing curiosity as Levi assisted his fellow battered comrade to improve the recruit’s fighting stance, helping the boy to understand why his hands should stay lower and out of his face, and why he should work to protect his vulnerable middle-section. 

Erwin had not been particularly surprised to find Levi thrived in a position of leadership; indeed, the boy seemed to have a certain uncouth aura that drew others to his tutelage. He had, after all, very successfully marshaled an underground guild of thievery while evading the Military Police during his time in the subterranean city. Levi appeared to have a unique way of discarding presumption in favor of judging a soldier’s aptness at face value. He never seemed to anger at inability, rather provided the tools and explanations a recruit would need to go forward and succeed. 

It was a distinctive talent that Erwin found more than a little humorous. For a person who seemed to hold a general annoyance for most living things, Levi certainly possessed the ability to direct and guide others to success. 

Erwin sensed more than heard the approach of another soldier as he turned to greet Mike’s second-in-command with a cordial smile. Nanaba yawned in response, her face beset with its usual, early-morning ire at having been beckoned out of bed just as the sun peeked over the horizon. 

“What’re we doing?” The woman asked with a touch of gruffness, her eyes following the pair’s line of sight to take in Flagon’s squad from across the field. A brow raised ever so slightly as her dark gaze fell on Levi. “The kid already decimated all of our fake titans. Guess he wanted to move on to something real,” she murmured with a small snort as she observed Levi beat yet another soldier quite literally into the ground. 

Mike scoffed a touch, providing Erwin a pointed look that did not go unnoticed by Nanaba. 

“I’m gonna go fight him,” Nanaba declared, a fierce sort of excitement flashing across her tired features now perking up with the thought of a little early-morning violence to brighten up her day.

“Would you even bother to listen if I asked you not to?” Mike questioned with a calm sort of resignation, his voice somewhere above a sigh and lacking in any real severity. 

“Nope,” Nanaba retorted to her weary captain, clapping Mike on the back before breaking out into a light jog to carry her across the field. 

“Ooh, are we taking bets?” Hanji asked with a mischievous wiggle of her eyebrows, stepping up to Erwin with the slightly mangled flare device in her hand. 

“I thought you were leading the mock formation,” Erwin murmured with a slight smirk, glancing over at his right-hand woman with an expression of mock scrutiny. 

Hanji’s laugh always bordered on a cackle whenever it escaped her lips. The sound reverberated through the warming air as an impish glint lightened her brown eyes. 

“I found something more interesting to focus my attention on,” the woman simpered, saying nothing of the other squad members she rather abruptly left in limbo. “How long do you think our little nefarious criminal will last against Nanaba?”

“He won’t lose,” Erwin murmured, confidence lacing his tone. 

“You’re betting against my soldier?” Mike replied a bit callously. 

“Merely stating a fact.” 

The trio observed as Nanba made her way to the prickly boy, his eyebrows hiking up into his hairline as he stood stony-faced listening to the far higher-ranking soldier's request. He looked a touch unimpressed, but agreed to humor Nanaba nonetheless. 

Admitting honestly, Erwin thought the fight would have lasted longer. While military trained soldiers were experienced with fighting well within the box of dictated hand-to-hand combat regulations, few knew how to deal with those who impenitently toed the line of acceptable. 

Levi appeared to be such a fighter who paid enough attention to the rules not to break them, but did little else to keep his style and fighting “clean”. Erwin had a feeling if the boy were placed in any actual situation of danger, he would have no qualms about using methods generally deemed dishonorable. 

Nanaba landed on her front with a wooden prop knife held to the back of her neck and an arm pinned painfully behind her in a handful of seconds, still a notable amount of time longer than any other soldier had lasted against Levi. 

The woman appeared unphased by her loss as the smaller boy let her up, turning to Levi to inquire about his method that so swiftly and thoroughly defeated her. 

Hanji’s sonorous laugh carried on a languid breeze that had picked up to stifle some of the heat beating down from the rising sun. She clapped Mike roughly on the back before turning to once more perform her duty of actually guiding Erwin’s now disoriented and disorganized troops. 

Mike’s glare was rancorous, or at least it would have been if the man were more prone to petulant displays of emotion. Erwin still sensed his displeasure, though. The captain would not be appeased until Government Minister Lovof was combated. No one among the Survey Corps was quite safe from the man’s intentions and assassins until that occurred. 

Erwin continued to observe Levi as Mike turned to get his own troops in order once again. The expedition drew nearer with each passing hour. By this time tomorrow, many who now stood before him could be dead. Levi was a part of that fold. The statistics applied to him as much as they did any other soldier. Erwin wasn’t one to be bridled by fear, but he was realistic. He understood the odds, understood what happened when conditions were poor and luck was nonexistent. Such situations happened frequently during missions. 

Bright azure locked with stormy grey as Levi turned from Nanaba, almost as if he could sense a pair of probing eyes on him. The boy grew rigid, his mouth, tugged down at the corners by irritation, now stiffened into a tight, thin line. 

The look Levi provided Erwin was severe, affronting almost in its intensity. He appeared thoroughly aggrieved to be receiving the attentions of a man he so clearly abhorred, though he couldn’t pull his sharp eyes away from Erwin’s gaze that did not beg awareness, but rather demanded attention. Levi was too smart to turn away from something so dangerous. 

Erwin let his smirk grow to its fullest extent until satisfied he had made Levi suffer enough. Locked in like a positive to negative charge, the boy would not, could not look away until Erwin did. Perhaps it was the instinct in both of them; Erwin liked to think it was something that existed far deeper within. A connection; the bond that they shared as mark and executioner. 

Erwin turned away to take stock of his thoroughly shambolic troops. Something in him felt electrified. 

\---

Levi was up before the sun. He was always up before the sun, oftentimes not even catching sleep until its glistening rays peaked above the horizon and brought light to the darkened sky. He wasn't sure whether to associate last evening’s complete lack of rest to nerves, or to his usual, plaguing insomnia. He was miffed to find that it was probably a little bit of both. 

Levi was not a jittery person. He did not become nervous often, and was constantly able to keep his cool with relative ease. Furlan always said that the sun and stars would have to shift in order for Levi to be removed from his standard pretense of indifferent placidity. Still, Levi could not escape the heaviness that hung over his shoulders today. He realized the weight of what he was about to undertake in mere hours; he did not underestimate it. If luck was on his side, it would all be over today. 

Dew clung to the grass as Levi made his way outside the castle’s walls and into the frigid morning air that pierced his lungs with each deep breath in. Levi tugged his green cape tighter around his shoulders, a scowl resting visibly on his face from the cold assaulting his skin. The one good aspect of his journey across the grounds was that he did not meet anyone else along the way. Every other soldier was doing the sensible thing and catching their last hour of sleep before wake-up calls would ring with a deafening clangor across the base. 

Levi was forayed by the offensive stench of the stables as he slipped his way through the splintered wooden door. If there was anything that Levi hated more about the Survey Corps than Erwin Smith and Fletcher Flagon, it was the fact that he would be riding out to what essentially could devolve into combat with giant monsters atop base creatures the military handed out like pets. 

Levi had made notable strides with his own horse, mostly due to Isabel’s assistance and more than a few smuggled apples to conciliate the peevish animal. He was even beginning to like her, more or less. She was a beautiful creature by all objective standards, with bristly hair slicked back in a midnight black and a single white stripe running from her nose up to between her ears. 

“Morning, Alessa,” Levi murmured with a slight yawn as he made his way up to the feisty mount temporarily placated by sleepiness. 

Levi scratched along the horse’s muzzle as he pulled a carrot out of his pant pocket, glaring slightly when she turned her nose up at the treat. 

“I couldn’t get you any apples,” Levi grumbled, finding his plan to pacify the horse before the swiftly approaching expedition was already going poorly. 

With a huff, Levi set to work combing Alessa’s back and feeding her handfuls of oats always left around the stables here and there. She quickly seemed to learn a carrot was the best she was going to get, and accepted the snack from Levi with a deriding side-eye that rivaled Levi’s own. 

Levi murmured to the horse about anything that came to his mind as he continued to work. Isabel had given him the advice to bond with the animal, and barring any sort of knowledge on how to actually do that, Levi just decided to utilize anything he could make up. He talked about the Underground a bit, about Kenny, but mostly about Isabel and Furlan—the only two of his own species that he had ever even remotely bonded with. 

Levi was so lost in his own thoughts and the neighing of his animal companions, that he didn't realize the addition of another human presence until it was too late. 

Levi turned rapidly on his heel with a slight jolt, having to suppress the naturally occurring growl that built up on his lips like a storm as soon as he saw who stood before him. 

Erwin, for his part, appeared slightly surprised to not find himself alone in such a peculiar location at such an early hour of the morning. He quickly recovered, though, easily replacing his startlement with a genial smile that seemed to reach his eyes more than it did looking at any other person. 

Levi really,  _ really  _ wanted to beat that stupid, little grin off of the blond captain’s face. His entire form instantly crouched down slightly, his arms moving closer to his vulnerable middle as many years of life in the tumultuous Underground had taught him to do. 

“Good morning, Levi. I wasn’t expecting to find anyone else here at such an hour.” 

Levi considered just not answering; he had nothing left to say to Smith, after all. It was the confirmed knowledge that the man would not leave him alone even if he remained silent that caused Levi to remark. 

“I was up.”

“I’m sure you were,” Erwin replied with that twinkle in his eye, the one that always seemed to imply he knew something others didn’t. 

Levi’s fists balled tighter, his mouth pulled into an increasingly defined grimace. 

“Why the fuck are you just standing there?” Levi almost spat, his body unwantedly locked into that magnetic grip that seemed to accompany Smith’s gazes, the ones that dictated attention. 

“I was rather under the impression we were at the beginnings of a conversation. Is there somewhere you prefer I stand for that?” 

His voice was teasing, like they were friends. 

Levi’s teeth clenched. It was with immense difficulty that he pulled his eyes away and turned his body to focus on Alessa, mollifying his mind with thoughts of his onerous task that would finally be finished after today. He would never get caught in another one of these contemptible exchanges again. 

“Does she have a name?” Erwin asked after a pause was filled with the braying of horses waking to the sound of conversation and the smell of oats. 

Levi ran the comb along Alessa’s back with as much gentleness as he could muster while the horse chewed lazily at her carrot stick, seemingly unphased by her master’s growing displeasure. 

“Does it matter?” Levi huffed, wanting to avoid all semblance of closeness between the two of them. 

He was not here to chat with Erwin Smith, to befriend the man and get to know him. The less information Levi knew of the captain, the better. 

“I think it does,” Erwin said in a voice so alarmingly sincere that Levi just had to look up. 

His eyes were met with perhaps the gentlest expression he had ever seen on the man’s face, not that Erwin’s defined features were overly softened by the shift in bearing. 

Levi endeavored to remain quiet. He wanted to be as far away as possible from anything even remotely resembling intimacy. 

“The bruise on your cheek is almost healed,” Erwin noted when Levi’s silence had become pronounced. 

Levi stiffened further. That damn bruise. Erwin still cared about it, always seemed to care about it. 

“Why the hell do you keep bringing that up?” Levi muttered despite himself. 

“In all honesty, it surprised me to see someone could get close enough to you to do that.” 

Levi snorted derisively. “I’m not impervious to every piece of shit out there that decides to take a swing at me.” 

“I see,” Erwin commented with a growing simper. “Even you lose fights from time to time.”

“I didn’t say I lost. I just said I got punched.” 

“Oh?” Erwin murmured, an eyebrow raised, that teasing lilt back. “No doubt it was unwarranted.” 

“Doesn’t really matter who’s to blame if you lose.”

“Naturally.”

Levi was damned, because he had to look away, because Erwin’s gaze had taken on that fervent heat that made Levi simultaneously feel so small and so large at the same time. He huffed slightly. 

“Did you want something?” Levi regretted the question as soon as he asked it. 

“Yes actually, since I have you here.” 

Interacting with Erwin the few times that he had, Levi quickly learned the blond captain utilized certain methods to pull him reluctantly into conversation. Next to outright provoking Levi, one of Erwin’s favorite tactics seemed to be turning Levi’s silences against him, only continuing with his own line of thought after Levi had spoken in some capacity. 

He was goaded into responding. Levi knew, and he hated it. Hated that pull, that twinge in his stomach as he forced his body to turn to those cerulean eyes again. 

“Get on with it then,” Levi deadpanned, scowling deeply. 

“I would say it is a request, but, really, that would be a lie. It’s an order.”

“You’re not my captain,” Levi interjected sharply, immediately tensing at the very notion of being commanded by Erwin to do anything. 

Erwin’s lips tugged down slightly at this. As when he wanted to assert his authority, the blond captain rose to his full height, placing his hands behind his back as he continued to regard Levi with an increasingly serious expression. 

“You may not be in my squad, but that does not imply you are above my purview. You will answer to me when I ask it of you.” 

A shiver he desperately wanted to rein in shot down Levi’s spine. The command in Erwin’s voice was unmistakable, his demeanor of authority displayed to exhibit just why all of the man’s soldiers followed him without question, just why he singularly was given so much responsibility in the Survey Corps. 

“I understand how ranks work,” Levi mumbled, the scorn in his voice lessened at the intensity of Erwin’s control. He only had so much energy, only so much tenacity to combat the man. “Just say what you have to say.” 

“Stay alive,” came the order. 

Levi’s eyes widened a fraction. The conviction in Erwin’s voice was resounding. His eyes shone with brilliant determination, the determination to show that Levi had no other option than to follow his directive. 

Levi had to mentally grasp at his thoughts to get them to all come together. He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. 

“Did you think I was going to do anything else?” His voice was slightly raspy as he asked. Levi swallowed, hoping to clear the dryness in his throat. 

“No,” Erwin murmured, his lips tugging into that little simper he seemed to like wearing whenever Levi was around. “But I felt it was worth noting all the same.” 

Erwin stepped up. Something in Levi told him to run, told him one of the most dangerous creatures within the walls was approaching. 

Despite the knots twisting in his stomach, Levi stayed where he was. He was not craven; any skill Erwin possessed, Levi would match. 

Levi suppressed the shiver that wanted to convulse his body as Erwin reached out to trace his lightened bruise. It was as when they first met. His large fingertips glided down, radiating warmth, brushing once against Levi’s lower lip before he was back in his original place. 

“Stay safe,” was all Erwin said before turning on his heel and collecting his own horse. The blonde captain led his white stallion out of the stables as Levi stood a bit nonplussed with his own mount. 

Something inside Levi tightened. He could not reply “you too”. 

\---

“Not bad at all.” 

The phrase did nothing to capture the full range of emotions Levi felt bubble up in his chest. He had never seen the sun with his own eyes only a month prior. The world had seemed large when he had first surfaced from the Underground; it had seemed open and loud and so full of life. Out here… well, nothing compared to out here. 

Vast was the word Levi would have used. It simultaneously described too much and too little of what was beyond the walls. It was the same sky, the same grass, the same trees that all existed behind those gargantuan stone structures that trapped humanity within their safety. Still, there was something fundamentally different about being in the beyond, in the unknown. It was beautiful and quiet and still. 

Levi pushed Alessa to ride faster, to move harder and further beyond those stifling, unfeeling monolith edifices. Out here the wind was sharp, it cut through Levi’s hair and gave him a distinct sense of freedom he had never felt before. Levi chased that freedom, surmising that he would never truly reach it, but instantly addicted to pursuing it all the same. 

The only thing that could ruin such consecrated beauty was the devil himself. And the devil did come: in the form of three lumpy, flopping masses of flesh bound straight for Fletcher Flagon’s squad with a fiendish, bestial sort of glee. 

One fifteen metre and two ten metre titans; the shout for combat came from the Commander himself, the man’s gruff voice bellowing out as Erwin yelled for Flagon to fire a red flare to signal his team was in distress. The compact formation splintered out to fight, taking Levi further and further away from his target, but giving him an entirely new threat to focus on. 

Levi was not a jittery person. He did not become nervous often, and was constantly able to keep his cool with relative ease. Furlan always said that the sun and stars would have to shift in order for Levi to be removed from his standard pretense of indifferent placidity. 

The sun and the stars were shifted that day. Levi was truly and utterly terrified, watching with a sickened horror as a scout racing to bring down one of the ten metre monsters was quite literally  _ chomped  _ out of the air. Levi had never heard such cries of pain before, not from animals up to slaughter, not from mothers who lost children to the numerous and ravaging diseases that always swept through the Underground. 

Still, his facade did not break. Something clicked within Levi; a spark, as if his brain had suddenly found a way to take the abilities he had always innately possessed and hone them for some higher purpose, some paramount use. 

Levi turned Alessa around, trusting one of his comrades to deal with the fifteen metre. He sped towards the one ten metre titan that had just taken a man’s life only moments prior, a man who probably wanted nothing more than to live to see the sunset that day. 

Levi did not make a show of doing it. He latched onto a nearby tree and swept past the ten metre, utilizing his rapidly building momentum to loop around and strike the nape of the beast’s neck. It fell dead with a clamorous  _ thud  _ as Levi was left panting, somehow managing to stay on two feet, on the grassy ground. His lungs felt like they had lost all their air. 

The next thump that sent shockwaves shaking through the Earth came mere seconds after Levi’s kill. He looked to see Isabel and Furlan working together to finish off the other ten metre, the lifeless lump of flesh collapsing heavily to the ground. 

Something akin to pride, maybe inordinate relief reverberated through him. It was an emotion so overwhelming for Levi, who generally made a habit of suppressing all distracting feelings. 

“How’s that, Levi!? We took down a titan all by ourselves,” Furlan shouted exuberantly, seeming to be out of breath for a completely different reason than the raven-haired man. 

“We did it, Bro! We did it!” Isabel exclaimed, whooping in exhilaration. 

Levi let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. They were okay, Isabel and Furlan were okay. They would all make it through this day, and live out their lives as best they could on the surface; together; always. 

The smallest spark of joy resonated through Levi as he heard the shout of “all clear” and the order to regroup. Levi wasn’t sure why he felt so much for something he had cared about so little for the past month. 

“You need to regroup,” came Captain Flagon’s sour voice, the evaporating blood of the fifteen metre titan painting his cloak a sickening crimson. 

“That was impressive.”

Levi froze at that voice, that voice that seemed to anchor into his very soul, that sought to explore his entire being. 

“But you used too much gas.”

Erwin had followed him; to assist, to make sure he would not die, Levi couldn’t say. He sat atop his white stallion looking almost statuesque as the flowing sunlight filtered through his light hair, causing the blond strands to almost glimmer in the bright day. Rain Clouds were forming just behind the man's gold-shrouded head, as if begging something ominous. 

Levi felt Furlan stiffen next to him. He held his arm out to placate the man. 

“You’re expecting me to take priority of my equipment over the lives of my friends?” Levi replied, surprisingly calm in demeanor for how completely overwhelmed he felt. 

“You were moving too much,” Erwin replied placidly. 

There was a marked shift in his tone, even beyond the normal no-nonsense one he used to address the Commander or relay orders to his troops. It was cold and isolated, as if the man was physically distancing himself from the worst to come. 

Levi felt he was truly seeing Erwin for the first time, truly understanding just who the man was. He was a devil; frigid, calculating, playing the outcomes of each and every possible scenario through his head to determine which would be most beneficial. Beneficial to who, Levi could not say. It was as terrifying as it was amazing. 

Levi heard the neigh of the horses, heard the rough shouts of the soldiers all around him, the lives that could have been lost had he not acted as he had, had he not taken down that grueling beast devoid of all things holy. 

“Are you beginning to have doubts?” 

Levi felt his breath physically hitch and his eyes widen as he stared into that shining, azure gaze that Erwin so boldly pierced him with. Those words struck him like a knife, as if Erwin knew, as if he could sense Levi’s uncertainty, his turmoil. 

“If you are, that will be the death of you very soon,” Erwin murmured, steering his horse around without a backward look, directing his mount back towards his squad. 

Levi’s eyes remained stretched into something nearing shock. Isabel’s cursing of the man became vague background noises as Levi considered what he had meant.

Trust me. Choose me. If you don’t, it will be perilous. That was what Erwin was saying to him. 

Levi felt something deep within him quiver. 

The clouds descended like a treacherous omen, incapacitating visibility, pouring rain that cut icily through the cloth of the Scout’s standard uniform. 

Levi’s silence was deathly as he rode forward in formation, pulling his green hood over his head to provide some semblance of protection from the torrential storm. His glare was murderous. How dare Erwin ask Levi to choose him. 

“We’ll use the rain to get close to Smith,” Levi practically hissed into the swirling wind. Furlan and Isabel still heard, tensing from his sharp voice. “I’ll go alone. If anyone asks, tell them I went to survey the terrain.” 

With that, Levi was off, riding into the impenetrable fog, Erwin’s words echoing in his head like the devil whispering temptations. Levi gritted his teeth. 

_ Just you wait, Erwin Smith. I’ll kill you with my own hands.  _

Levi’s life forever changed in that moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally full circle! Now this story can start moving on to something that will suspiciously start to look like an actually connected and coherent plot. Here's to hoping, since I literally have not planned this out beyond a few major plot points. Thanks for reading!


	6. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vaguely, in the back of his thoughts he wondered if this was his fault. Fault hardly mattered once the deed was done, in Erwin’s mind. People just craved something to blame, a way to produce some sense in the madness of senseless existence.
> 
> *See end notes for warning

Colors shimmered and shifted in and out of focus as that familiar irritation steadily crept its way into Erwin’s azure irises. The warmth was encompassing and provided a caress odd in its intimacy as his ears were pierced with a cacophonous silence—that unnatural sound of water that was both completely real and completely envisioned in his mind muddled with fuzziness. 

The water—under it, inside of it—had life. An existence, animate in its vivacity with sound and breath and depth. Erwin could hear it shifting, could hear it trickling and tumbling in that cramped, ivory space which trapped the flowing essence in an ovate shape simultaneously natural and deviant to its truest essence. 

His vision was distorted, his hearing muted as if he were inside a lingering and vivid dream that warped his senses and mangled his perception. The human body was certainly an odd thing, staggeringly weak yet not without a deep-rooted, congenital instinct to survive, to stay alive day-in and day-out until the inevitability of existence completed its cyclical pass. One could not hold their breath until they perished; the body instinctively knew to gasp in life-bringing oxygen despite the mind’s deepest desires. Cutting off one’s own limb was a task so Brobdignagian that it required the intensest of focus to overcome the body’s innate desire to flee from any harm. 

Erwin prided himself on having complete control over his faculties. His will was so forceful and so overpowering that he hardly had to worry about the body’s unlearned reactions to commit no harm to the self, to cower in the face of danger and abscond from peril. 

Erwin held his breath under that murky, bathtub water submerging his form and meandering over his every limb and feature as his eyes stung with pain and his lungs burned from deprivation. His arms jerked with the acute desire to lift himself up, his legs kicked out and flailed as if it would somehow succeed in bringing needed air to his desperate organs. 

Erwin’s mind was a fortress, his mental wall impenetrable. He did not simply ignore his body’s most natural, compulsory desires, he actively worked against them, proving just how strong, just how in control he was. The water enclosed him, it drowned him with serene indifference, complete detachment to the life it was currently snuffing out. Erwin refused to rise until his lungs were physically periled, until his body felt weak with declination and that black abyss clung to his vision. 

The sounds of his gasps pierced the muted air with a deafening clangor. His hands instinctively reached out to grip the sides of the tub, his knuckles turning a sickly shade of white as he clung to that slick, ivory surface as if his arms were afraid his mind would attempt something so utterly perilous again. 

The deprivation of life, if only for minutes, felt cleansing. The water rinsed away the dirt and grime, splashed at the blood covering up to his elbows, the occasional splotch making it down to his leg or up to his neck, as the liquid turned a nauseating crimson color. 

Each breath heaved in physically pained Erwin; he was not bothered by it. The mud was now gone, the filth sliding off and ambling through the warm liquid as little droplets of water cascaded languidly down Erwin’s smooth skin made pale from the hours spent fighting in the elements. 

Erwin felt the sting of the cool, indoor air as he raised himself out of that enveloping warmth. His footsteps fell with a heavy thump as he made his way across the washroom and into his adjoining personal space decorated with only the barest of essentials for sleeping and working if he ever felt the need to take reports out of his office. 

A small vanity with an attached mirror was where Erwin’s fresh uniform rested, the clothing yet to be stained by splattered sludge or acrid blood. He couldn’t help but be momentarily paused by his own reflection. Deep, purple bruises fluttered across his long arms and never-ending legs. Dark circles seemed to have made a home under his ever brightened eyes, the color of the sky in changing shades reflected in their iridescence. 

The crashing sound of shattering glass pelted the silent air as Erwin lashed out and struck the mirror with his palm, fragmented shards clattering all around where his hand hit. Crimson dripped from the battle-calloused extremity as Erwin stared with a detached sort of fascination at the blade of glass jutting out from his hand. It hurt greatly, but he didn’t care much. 

It was with mechanical precision that Erwin pried that sliver out from his hand and wrapped the wound, the blood immediately soaking through the cloth and tainting the cotton white with a deep shade of red. He went through the motions of dressing, ensuring that every article of clothing was smoothed and resting on his body precisely as it ought to, slicking back his blond locks until every single strand was exactly where it was supposed to be. 

Erwin sighed slightly. He would have to clean up the dirtied glass later. 

The stretching silence of the castle’s corridors was incredibly loud. Specters floated around every corner, ghosts of laughter and life and sound, the haunting memories of soldiers that now lay in pieces outside of the nation’s walls deafened the stilled air of the sprawling halls. 

Erwin met few as he walked purposefully down those long passageways. Every Scout was too busy grappling with the aftereffects of the mission, taking stock of what was lost, coming to grips with who was no more. 

Erwin produced three sharp knocks as he came to that hefty, wooden door bolted to the castle’s rugged, grey stone walls. He stood back and waited with posture that gave no room for criticism and a facial expression that was unnervingly placid. The slice on his palm bled and pulsed with ache; Erwin paid it no mind. 

“Come in, Erwin,” came the harrowed, weary voice that inflected scratchily through the thick barrier. 

The blond captain wondered briefly how the commander knew it was he who was on the other side of the door, but then supposed no one else quite had the courage to face the man at times like these. Erwin entered the spacious office without ceremony, taking in the stacks of correspondences, maps and leather-bound books strewn haphazardly across the many surfaces adorning the room with a passive objectivity. 

“I have the preliminary reports on casualties, and gear and weapon loss estimates, sir,” the blond captain said, holding up a folder in his unwounded hand containing a stack of reports and personal files of the dead. 

“Yes, thank you, Erwin,” Shadis sighed. 

The quiet that stretched between the pair hung with a palpable heaviness. Erwin used the lingering seconds to observe the man opposite the room from him who still had his mud-splattered uniform and rain-havocked hair resting haphazardly across his gaunt body. 

Keith Shadis’s skin seemed to be hanging off of his skeletal form like wax dripping down a candle, the full extent of the morning’s hardships emaciating his body and protruding the cheekbones and eye sockets of his cadaverous face. Physical exhaustion did not quite describe the lines and look etched into his harrowed expression; rather, it appeared as though life had become too heavy for his skin to hold up. 

It could have been seconds, minutes, hours before the wearied man finally spoke again. Erwin hardly noticed as he submitted his mental faculties to the dutiful serenity of an acquiescent subordinate. 

“So what do you think, Erwin? Are we all bound for hell now?”

A mocking humor painted with sickly disgust rang out in the commander’s thin voice as if he found the question to be simultaneously asinine and virulent. It was a physical toll for him to get the words out, his mouth taking the greatest care to form and bite out every single syllable, until finally the utterances chimed drolly hollow in the muted air of the eerily still room. 

Erwin clasped his hands behind his back, careful not to hit the wound self-inflicted on his usually porcelain skin, and stood to his full, formidable height with a stance and comportment nothing less than a vision of military perfection. The years that he’d had to practice, to slip into that distant, infrangible shell had made the process become effortless for him. 

“The expedition was largely a success, sir. Maps have been updated, territory has been charted, and the Corps completed all of the necessary stipulations dictated by the funds we received.”

Erwin’s voice was toneless and unfeeling as he murmured his response to the commander’s almost desperate inquiry. He meant what he said, believed in those words, the deaths already justified before the lives had been snuffed out. It was only in the deepest, darkest depths of his mind that he would begin to question those credences. 

“But at what cost?” Came Shadis’s reply. 

Erwin chose to let the silence linger once more. The question was more for the commander himself than for Erwin at this point. The man had his own thoughts overwhelming his mental space and burdening his soul on that particular topic as he contemplated the mere hours it had taken to change the course of entire lives. 

For a higher purpose, Erwin would say. A deep-seated duty and a burning audacity to break free from the chains of complacency and grasp at the unyielding conviction that there was something  _ more _ , and that that  _ more  _ was worth seeking out. 

Keith Shadis could not see such lofty ideals painted before his once rose-colored eyes much anymore.

“Flagon’s squad. Were there any survivors?” The commander finally got around to asking. 

“Only Levi, sir.” 

A deep hum reverberated through the man’s chest as he acknowledged Erwin’s answer. The street rat, the sordid youth, the assassin, the troubled boy, the only one to survive an attack so gruesome and so deadly that it did not just remove people from existence, it  _ ripped  _ them from the very face of the Earth’s surface and watered the flowers and meadows with their blood. 

“Mike said as much when he was relaying updates from the back of the formation to the front. Even at the time, I couldn’t quite believe it. An entire squad, captain and all, taken out by an abnormal titan save one who completed the kill with no assistance. The story sounds almost otherworldly.” 

“In all honesty sir, I don’t think Levi killed that titan. I think he tore it limb from limb until there was nothing even remotely discernible left.” 

A flash of a memory painted across Erwin’s irises. Levi standing,  _ shivering  _ in the pelting, bone-piercing rain with an expression so vacant and empty that he almost appeared to have degraded into something less than human as his form heaved from the exertion of his kill. It was only when the boy caught sight of him that something deadly and sinister lighted his eyes with a smoldering frenzy, the desire to maim and tear and shred until there was nothing even resembling blood, bone and sinew left. 

A feeling almost foreign in nature panged throughout Erwin’s chest. There would be time to reflect later that it was possibly something deeper than admiration. He cleared his throat slightly for his own benefit and turned his attention fully back to the commander, though the man seemed to only be regarding him distantly through a murky haze of his own raging thoughts and emotions. 

“His two friends were killed in the attack? They were identified?” Shadis asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Their corpses were easily distinguishable. I think that was one of the reasons he was so… severe.” 

Erwin had not been there when the realization had dawned, when the knowledge that his two closest companions in life were now scattered amongst the dead had hit Levi like an oncoming storm determined to smother and suffocate any sense of security, well-being and love that had managed to creep its way into his existence. 

Levi had not killed, he had desecrated and smited the being that had sealed his fate in the cruelest of fashions from the very face of the Earth. He had screamed and raged until he himself had become something of a beast with the sole purpose to maim and tear until blood watered the ground and bone littered the soil. 

Then he had turned to Erwin with those  _ eyes _ , those eyes whose color could not be named, whose very effect had the ability to pierce the soul and ravage the body like the fiercest storms of winter. 

“Well…” Shadis began, his ragged voice snapping Erwin from his mind’s inner thoughts flashing with memories. 

The man paused to mull over his words, coming to his own conclusions of how best to deal with the beast he had let among his ranks, the mystical creature that possessed the abilities of an entire squad, maybe even an entire army. 

“…Make sure he knows to visit the medical wing for an evaluation, and that he has to fill out a report on the mission.” 

“Of course, sir.” Erwin responded dutifully. 

The task of abating and subduing Levi would, it seemed, once again fall to him. Erwin wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was time that they stopped dancing around each other. Levi had failed in his task and was left friendless, without allies, and in a foreign environment hostile to the very idea of his existence. 

He had no other choice but to turn to Erwin now, if he wanted to survive. And Erwin knew, no matter how the deck was stacked and the cards fell, Levi wanted to survive. 

Shadis sighed wearily, glancing around to take in the mess that had engulfed his office. “I suppose I will have to contact the Council of Lords and Premier Zachary to inform them of the outcome of the mission, and I will have to write to the families of the dead.” 

That dense weight settled in the air once more. It was a cycle, as vicious as it was predictable. The castle would soon again fill with new recruits, bright and eager to do their part for humanity as they watched the world and the plight of the Survey Corps through rose-colored glasses. Then would come the expeditions, and the castle would once again be filled with whispers of dead memories and ghosts that haunted the space of the corridors and the minds of the soldiers who filled them. Those who remained living would slowly start to feel their humanity slide away like a devious serpent that had only ever tempted at the idea of being good, of doing something good for humankind. The dead would remain dead, and Commander Shadis would write his letters. 

“Yes, sir. I’ll leave you to it then, and I’ll bring by the official reports as soon as I have them.” 

“Yes. Thank you, Erwin,” Shadis responded almost absentmindedly.

There was no distance left for the man to cross. He had completely left Erwin behind. It was best to leave him alone now. 

The wound tarnishing Erwin’s hand pulsed with ache, as if to remind him of the day’s trials and tribulations, as he left that vast office and the man inhabiting it behind. Awareness was not necessary for Erwin’s feet to carry him where he needed to go. He traversed down those long, medieval passageways with dancing shadow and floating specters as if the routine had become an inborn part of his functioning. 

Keith Shadis was slipping. He was a man who had always been strong, but that did not mean he was unbreakable. Recent dealings with Government Minister Lovof proved that as much as the increasingly dire plight of the Scout’s funding and continued, questioned existence. 

Erwin was a knight moving into a dangerous position. The board was stacked in his favor, yet enemies lay in wait around every corner, prepared to topple him by any means necessary. Lovof was just the first enemy that needed to fall; no doubt there would be more, many more. After all, one did not aim to be king and expect to keep everyone appeased. 

The toll that this most recent expedition had taken on Commander Shadis did worry Erwin, though. The man was leaving himself far too open and vulnerable for the state that his military branch was in. Weapons needed to be repaired, men needed to be replaced, and none of that came easily, much less cheaply. Deals never favored those with the worse hand, and Erwin was seriously starting to question the state of the game they now found themselves in. 

It was with these thoughts clattering around in his over-exhausted head that Erwin found himself almost unaware outside of his own office door bolted to the rugged, grey stone of the castle’s walls. His brow furrowed as he noted the heavy, wooden barrier pulled slightly open. There was only one person who had the gall to enter his personal space, to  _ break into _ his personal space while he was not present. 

“Levi,” Erwin murmured as he stepped his way inside. He had expected this. Whether or not he was prepared for it was another matter entirely. “I’m glad you're here.” 

It was almost as if the boy had not heard him. His eyes remained pulled away, empty and unseeing as he stared blankly at a patch on Erwin’s floor. He did not bother to acknowledge Erwin’s presence; rather, his form remained so rigid that Erwin feared he might crumble with the slightest gust of wind. Quiet, erratic breaths indicated the precariousness of his state. 

There was no need for him to scream or cry or rage anymore. His silence said it all. Levi had fortified himself, determined to become a martyr for a dead cause. Perhaps he wanted to join his friends, Erwin mused, though he knew Levi was too relentless to join the dead so easily. 

“You’ll need to report to the physician for an evaluation even if you feel physically fine. It’s just a precaution. I’ll need your report on the expedition at your earliest possible convenience as well.” 

Erwin continued on conversationally, his one-sided utterances reverberating in the stillness as if the air itself was waiting with bated breath to see what the pair would do next, how they would next find themselves. 

It was not a habit of Erwin’s to find himself on the losing side of things. This interaction would go in his favor, even if force was required to bring about the desired outcome. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Erwin continued, seeing no need to abandon polite facades so early on. 

Despite general opinion and Mike’s insistence, he did enjoy being civil, when it counted. 

An answer was not needed to move Erwin to action, and it seemed Levi wasn’t much in the mood to be providing any responses at the moment. He made sure to choose out one of his best glasses as he was filling the crystal grooves with the biting, amber liquid. He did respect the boy ever so much, after all, and admired him, and perhaps more with the way his chest clenched. 

Erwin observed his own body’s reaction with an amused detachment as he felt those cold-cutting eyes on him, deep and merciless as winter. He enjoyed the attention, even as those eyes looked at him with an intensity that seemed to manifest death itself. 

Erwin smiled graciously as he held the glass out for the boy, hovering, perching, lying in wait at the corner of his desk. His chest clenched again, and Erwin’s smile deepened. How much he did enjoy this dubious character before him. 

Levi took the glass and stared at it contemplatively, as if it was worth checking to see if it held even a fraction of answers to the questions currently plaguing his mind. His reflection was distorted in the object’s grooved and uneven surface, elongating his pale, porcelain face and slanting his deep, implacable eyes. 

Erwin did not flinch when the boy threw the glass across the room with all of the force he could muster in a quick burst of pure, unadulterated rage. The crystal shattered with an oddly elegant sound of fine glass clattering lightly across the hard floor, tinkling almost like a small bell. The little shards reflected in the sinking sunlight that cast the office in brilliant shades of picturesque colors, providing an almost glittering ambiance to the doomed encounter. 

Erwin’s affable smile never once faltered on his lips as he downed the contents of his own glass and almost teasingly reached around Levi to set the object on his desk. Perhaps it would have been nice for the boy to break a less expensive glass, but Erwin was more than confident in his ability to get many more where that came from to care much. 

“Where is it?” Levi finally hissed out. 

Erwin was more than willing to move this along now if the boy was. He openly observed Levi, noting with mild surprise just how much the boy’s body had started shaking, how his normally prim appearance looked entirely disheveled and his breathing seemed to mimic that of a long distance run rather than standing in an office. 

Levi was making no attempt to hide behind his unmoving mask of indifference. That meant something to Erwin, and Levi was more than aware of that. 

“Where is what?” Erwin asked with a tone that remained conversational. 

“Don’t play stupid with me you fucking bastard.” 

If a human could growl like an animal, it would sound as the syllables that curled out of Levi’s lips and assaulted Erwin with their indubitable fury sounded. 

“You’ll need to be more specific, Levi. If you do not provide context, I cannot answer your question.” 

“Lovof. The document. Where the fuck is it?” 

Erwin hummed lightly in understanding, glancing at the quaking boy before him as he reached into his inside breast pocket and pulled out a folded paper. 

“You kept it with you the entire time?” Levi’s voice was laced with desolation and disbelief, though Erwin assumed he wasn’t actually all that surprised. 

“Yes and no. This is merely one of the copies I made. The original was sent to Premier Dhalis Zachary before you, Isabel and Furlan were captured.” 

“Before,” Levi whispered. “This entire time… it was all for nothing…” 

Every limb of Levi’s body now seemed to be seized in a shaking, borderline convulsing fit. His gasping and erratic breaths pierced the air with an intense desperation that resembled nothing less than a tormented animal cornered at the last second, more than aware that the inevitable was just to come. His hands were clenched so tight that the skin stretched sickly white and Erwin wondered if he might break his fingers. 

It was almost a wonder he was still even standing, though Erwin knew any attempt to help would not be welcome, despite the desire that spread through his chest and consumed his soul like a wildfire consuming the flora and fauna of an ancient forest. This boy was truly doing something remarkable to him. Erwin had never had the want to touch, to reach out and hold and comfort with such ardentness before. 

Vaguely, in the back of his thoughts he wondered if this was his fault. Fault hardly mattered once the deed was done, in Erwin’s mind. People just craved something to blame, a way to produce some sense in the madness of senseless existence. He supposed he could be blamed, though he would not stand alone in this particular instance. The board had been set too intricately, the game too perilous to find just once true and ultimate source of wickedness. 

Erwin pulled his mind from blame and the even greater desire to touch, to feel and to know. There were explanations that needed to be got through, and a criminal to now serve as his approved charge. 

“Premier Zachary agreed to postpone Lovof’s arrest until the expedition. No doubt the Minister is now resting comfortably behind bars as we speak.” 

Erwin’s voice was placid, and if one were to observe real closely, bordering on gentle. He cared deeply, so deep that it  _ ached _ , for the creature before him. He had no desire to bask in this incontestable tragedy. If Levi was hurting, then he would feel it, and Erwin certainly did feel it. 

Desire drove Erwin to do foolish things, he determined. Erwin’s inclinations hardly ever ventured into the realm of humanistic affairs; he was far more interested in his own ambitions and endeavors to care much for the gentler, more pleasurable side to life, and thus was not always prepared for when such instances occurred. 

Those were the only excuses Erwin had for why he did what he did with this boy, why he reached out to touch when every nerve of his being was screaming for him to be cautious. He didn’t much give a damn about caution, and excuses always worked best when one truly started to believe in them. 

Erwin reached out, slowly so that Levi could see the deliberate gesture of his movements, and wound his fingers into the boy’s midnight strands of hair. If Levi needed to be placated, he would be the comforter. If Levi needed an anchor to keep him from drifting ashore in the sea of his grief and turmoil, he would be that rock. 

Erwin got the distinct sense that Levi enjoyed being touched in this way, as if he were a mercurial cat so unwilling to display his predilections except in the few times someone was keen enough to make the effort to break through his cold shell of temperamental apathy. Erwin wound his fingers through the boy’s silky hair and rubbed soothing, little circles into his smooth scalp, mesmerized by the way Levi’s features shifted and the rage and sorrow seemed to melt away into something quieter and younger, more fitting of his youthful face. 

The trepidation and uncertainty still remained, though. Levi’s form stiffened further, his eyes narrowed like an unsettled hawk hovering around a potential threat yet to be known; the boy would not be conciliated so easily. 

Erwin looped his fingers through Levi’s silk soft hair, attempting to urge calmness back to the boy, before he stepped back once more. 

“Talk to me Levi. Tell me what you need,” Erwin murmured, his voice soft and tender. 

He knew two things with absolute certainty: Levi was breaking, and the boy had not one single clue as to how to deal with that. 

Erwin’s only warning was a small noise, the slight scuff of Levi’s boot against the wooden floors. 

The boy barreled into his side mercilessly, throwing his weight off center and forcing Erwin to stumble haphazardly on his feet. His body listed to the side uselessly as Levi sprung onto his chest, toppling him heavily to the unyielding floor with a ringing thud and flailing limbs. 

Erwin’s vision swam as he felt more than heard his head hit the sturdy floor with a sharp  _ thwack _ . The delayed pain overwhelmed his body all at once as Erwin’s skull felt physically cracked by the force of the blow that deprived his senses of clarity and slowed his limbs with the debilitating hurt. 

Piercing eyes, cold and deep as winter, filled Erwin’s vision. His body jerked violently in an unconscious attempt to destabilize the ferocious creature pinning him by the neck to the floor. 

Levi growled at him, teeth bared with all the intense ferocity of a lion on the prowl. His small hands snaked ruthlessly around Erwin’s neck, clasped down without an ounce of remorse to loosen his finger’s crushing grip around the captain's throat.  His hands mangled Erwin’s windpipe, squeezing down harder and harder despite the blond’s desperate chokes and guttural pleas lost to his retching lungs.

Erwin’s limbs flailed around to little effect. His body was too oxygen deprived to put up much of a fight. He felt intense desperation cling like a nasty odor to his skin. His lungs were burning from the unrelenting fury of the boy’s attack, his throat constricting with a pain drastic and desperate in a way Erwin had never truly known. Darkness clenched at his vision like sinister tendrils cruelly beckoning him into an endless abyss of no return.

Erwin panicked, reaching his arm out to cling onto something, anything that could save him. Levi was going to kill him in the dying sunlight on his dirtied floor without anything even resembling hesitation to halt or slow the boy’s actions with the mercy of consideration. 

Erwin’s long arm groped up towards his desk, his hand clenching around the crystal glass he had set down only minutes prior. He pooled all of his rapidly draining strength into his outstretched limb, hauling the small object viciously into the side of Levi’s head. 

The boy gave a startled yelp of pain, his body crumpling next to Erwin with the impact of the bashing that flung him off of the blond. Crystal shattered for the second time that day, ricocheting off of the hard floors and filling the air with the light flutterings of bell-like sounds that provided incongruous music to the frenzied struggle. 

The pain, the confusion and disorientation did not slow Erwin. He did not hesitate to slam his fist remorselessly into Levi’s slim stomach to further incapacitate the boy. Levi cried out like a wounded animal as the blow made contact and reverberated through the muscle that lined his middle and struck him down to his very core. 

Erwin’s superior size was the one thing giving him the advantage as his body worked almost without the command of his muddled mind to fling Levi into the back of his wooden desk and pin the boy against the surface. Both Levi’s wrists were gripped in one of Erwin’s hands as he captured the boy’s arms above his head, Erwin’s knee digging deeply into Levi’s stomach, driving with the intent to cause pain and to  _ dare  _ Levi to try and move again. 

The inevitability of defeat only served to spark Levi’s rage and desperation further. He fought against Erwin fiercely, trying to overcome the blond’s superior strength and turn the tables on the already entrenched outcome of the struggle. 

Erwin’s only response was to increase the pain and stress on Levi’s already battle wearied and bashed body. He dug his knee in harder, pulled Levi’s arms back further to stretch and strain him at an unnatural angle. 

Heavy breaths and frantic grunts filled the office as the sweet stench of sweat and desperation clung to the air like the lingering scent of a sprayed perfume. Levi bucked and struggled and growled like a wild animal, but Erwin’s victory was ensured from the moment the boy succumbed to the bashing of sculpted crystal against his small cranium. 

Exhaustion crept into Levi’s limbs, lagging his movements and overwhelming his overworked lungs to the brink of hyperventilation. His energy had already been spent by the arduousness of the expedition and the debilitation of emotional fatigue; the boy had already been running on fury and sheer force of will alone when he had decided to venture to Erwin’s office to finish the kill. Levi didn’t so much make the conscious effort to cease his movements and halt his actions, rather he was forced to still. 

Erwin’s throat hurt greatly as he heaved in gasping breaths through his mangled and abused windpipe. Blood seeped through the white cotton cloth of his hand wound, pouring down his arm like a sickening, little stream of crimson. Erwin did his best to try and keep the acrid substance off of the boy in an effort to make him more at ease as he held him in place. He even went so far as to remove some of his weight from Levi's stomach as the younger man’s bones were physically grinding into the unrelenting wood back of his large desk. 

Levi’s light mewl of distress and discomfort had Erwin’s heart fluttering. The boy looked utterly tormented, his rage and aggression ceasing to provide any sort of effective mask for his engulfing turmoil. 

“Shh,” Erwin cooed, “It’s okay, Levi. I’m not going to hurt you.” 

The widened, ovular shape Levi’s eyes had taken as Erwin whispered his fervent declaration of affection and comfort rapidly shifted to narrowed slits of pure outrage and cynical suspicion. The boy bared his teeth, looking prepared to bite at Erwin if the man got too close. 

“Motherfucker,” Levi snarled, his eyes blazing as fire met winter and coalesced in a burning fury of piercing iciness. 

Erwin smiled mildly. “That’s  _ Captain _ motherfucker to you, Levi. I have a rank and I prefer it be respected.” 

“I’ll rip your throat out.” The boy’s voice was venomous. His features were anguished. 

Erwin observed as Levi’s brow furrowed, as his lower lip quivered and something suspiciously resembling moisture welled around the corners of his eyes. Given the circumstances, the young man was maintaining a commendable amount of control over the deepest depths of grief that sought to attack and tarnish his very soul and existence. 

“Why would you want to do that?” Erwin inquired placidly. “Logically speaking, killing me has become one of the worst options you could possibly choose if you desire to stay alive to see the sunset.” 

“Because you deserve to die, you bastard.”

“And you deserve to as well?”

Levi was visibly seething with Erwin’s jabs to his rapidly deteriorating argument. Erwin almost had to wonder how Levi was still even conscious given the sheer number of things overwhelming his small frame and petite body, but Erwin also knew Levi was possibly one of the strongest men that had ever existed in humanity. The complete nature of his capabilities bordered on the sublime and supernatural. 

“I want to help you, Levi,” Erwin said softly when it was clear Levi was too incapacitated to form any intelligible response. “I need you to let me help you.” 

“I’d rather die,” Levi bit back with something resembling a sniffle huffing his breath-deprived voice, his emotional exhaustion bleeding through the cold, disdainful shell of protection. 

“You deserve to live,” Erwin whispered, leaning in so Levi could catch his quieted voice in his small ear. “You deserve your life, Levi,” Erwin murmured, his lips brushing against the boy’s temple for the briefest of seconds before pulling back again. 

Levi’s eyes had fallen shut when Erwin looked at him directly once more. The breaths heaving his chest in an erratic rhythm of partial-ups and rapid-downs were clearly visible to Erwin’s discerning eye. Confusion, apprehension and pain flickered like the light of a dying candle across Levi’s sharp, pale features exemplary in their definition and uniqueness. 

“Do you always do this?” Levi asked tightly, his voice rapid as he dared to peek a wintry eye open at Erwin. 

“Do what?” Erwin asked mildly. 

“Pretend to be civil and good-intentioned when you’re really just a sadistic fuck? Do you really fool people with your bullshit, well-bred gentleman act?”

Erwin chuckled despite himself, unable to keep a slight warm smile from spreading across his wind-chapped lips. 

“Yes I do, Levi. I’ve had many years to perfect it.” 

A low growl, vicious and predatorial in its cadence and reverberation, escaped Levi’s strained throat as his eyes flashed with a lightning bolt prepared to ignite the flames of fury anew. 

“Go to hell, you sadistic bastard,” Levi snarled, renewing his struggle against Erwin’s unrelenting grip in a foolish attempt to gain some sense of control back to his utterly shattered life. 

Erwin had placed himself in a strategic position to bestow pain when he felt it necessary. His knee dug further into Levi’s stomach once more as his grip strangled Levi’s wrists and grinded the fragile bones together. 

“I thought we were done with that,” Erwin said sternly. 

“And I thought you said you weren’t going to hurt me,” Levi sneered through gritted teeth. “Guess we’re both liars, Smith.” 

“I have never lied to you, Levi. My intention is not to injure you. I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you.” 

“Bullshit,” Levi huffed, his breathing turning ragged once more. 

His reinvigorated devolvement to fury rose with the anguish that crept up his chest like a fiend hellbent on consuming any last shred of rationality and well-being in the boy. 

“Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! You’re a fucking liar!” 

Wetness renewed at the corners of Levi’s eyes as his chest heaved with that erratic rhythm of partial-ups and rapid-downs. 

“Shh,” Erwin cooed, moving his body slowly and deliberately to rest his head on the side of Levi’s, right where his lips could almost brush the shell of the boy’s petite ear. “I’m right here with you. It’s time to calm down now, Levi.” 

Erwin did not need to see to know Levi’s eyes widened to those ovular saucers of shock and trepidation as his body went rigid in the blond’s handle that was so intimately akin to a cruel embrace. 

“Erwin…” Levi uttered in something resembling a half-yelp and a desperate plea. 

“Yes, Levi,” the captain replied tenderly, his warm breath enveloping Levi’s ear in a gentle caress. 

“You’re hurting me.” 

“I apologize,” Erwin murmured, removing his knee from Levi’s stomach and bringing his arm to rest around Levi’s waist as he released the boy from his grip. 

The sounds of languidly slowing and syncing breaths filled the air of Erwin’s office space basked in muted shades from the dying sun dipping below the western sky. Erwin took the opportunity to pull Levi a bit further into him, to get a bit closer. 

It was Levi who broke the quiet first. 

“What do you want?” He whispered, his steely eyes moving to meet and desperately search Erwin’s for answers. 

Erwin felt something in him stir. 

“I want you,” he cooed softly, “to endeavor to be all that I know you can.” 

“Wh--why?” 

“Because,” Erwin said, completely removing his body from the younger man’s and standing to keep from further discomforting Levi’s already exhausted form. 

He stared down at the crumpled boy before him, a sad smile gracing his full lips. 

“You’re magnificent,” he finished with a sort of melancholy he did not often possess. 

Levi stared up at him, mouth slightly agape, his chest rising and falling heavily. 

“Do you blame me, Levi?” 

The boy’s breath caught in his throat. His voice, when he managed to utter anything past unintelligible sounds, came out stuttered and strained. 

“I--I…” 

He didn’t manage to get anything else out. 

Erwin looked down at him in affection and despair. Levi was crumbling. His boy was crumbling and he wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t sure what Levi needed, how he could share in the boy’s burden. 

“Go,” he said quietly after a moment. “Get up and go.” 

Erwin watched as Levi stumbled to his feet. The boy practically sprinted towards the door before abruptly pausing at the threshold. 

“I blame myself,” Levi whispered without bothering to turn around. 

Tormented didn’t even begin to describe his tone. 

“It’s not your fault,” Erwin murmured, watching Levi from across the room. 

“I hate you,” the boy choked out. His voice held no menace, only pain. 

“I know,” Erwin replied, pausing with a sigh before continuing. “Get some rest. I’ll see to it that you are excused from training for the next few days.” 

Levi left without a backward glance. 

Erwin stared unmoving at the space where Levi had sat crumpled on the floor for many minutes, unsure of what to do next. The weight of his day and the work he still had to complete rested taxingly on his shoulders. 

Erwin wanted to go to Levi, to comfort and hold the boy until his pain was dulled and his body finally gave in to the overwhelming exhaustion. 

Yet Erwin remained where he was. He would lose Levi forever if he were to overstep his boundaries now. 

Hanji’s abrupt burst into the room startled Erwin out of his storming thoughts. 

“Erwin!” Hanji squawked. “Mike needs you in the east tower to corroborate some details from the expedition.” 

Erwin turned to smile at her.

“Of course,” he replied kindly. 

Hanji’s breath caught in her throat.

“My God, Erwin. Your neck.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Brief, minor instances of self harm. 
> 
> This chapter was absolutely gargantuan, and I expect the next one to be longer. This is actually the re-written version, because I ended up not liking what I first had written out. I grappled with how emotional to make Levi, considering he is not an overly emotional character, but I felt the circumstances justified an outburst. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading!


	7. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had fallen so nicely into his lap: the implication, the obscene insinuation. And why should Levi not play the debauched card? Why should he assume anything but the worst of this organization and every one of its members, none more so than the man who now stood before him?

Red. 

Levi despised the colour red. 

It was such a sickening and sorrowed colour. 

His hand was red. The red seeped through the white - the purity of the cotton’s rough cloth desecrated by that rich sanguine perforating an acrid smell of rusted copper that assaulted the nose and offended the senses. 

His hand was red. It wasn’t red before, but it was red now. The physical manifestation was there. The cut was weeping, the veins bursting into rivers of crimson, snaking down languidly like the waterways of Gehenna doomed to flow to and spread and fester in the deepest parts of hell.

His hand was red. But there was more than that corporeal blight to his body. The red was  _ everywhere _ , it was oozing, ambling, tumbling down his long, pale fingers and past his large, roughened palms. It was snaking down his arms, slithering past like a slippery serpent meandering along to trace the veins and carve out new textures in the flesh. Did he not see the color? Did he not smell the offensive stench? Did he not  _ feel _ it dripping?

Levi blinked - once… twice… - and the red was gone, only the cotton cloth dyed moderately in a light, blushing pink to hint at the greater offense, to indicate the layers and layers of blood  _ seeping  _ down his arms. 

“Levi,” Erwin murmured. 

The younger man pulled his eyes away from the tainted bandage that wound its way around and around Erwin’s palm, only the slightest bits of sanguine oozing through and spreading out like tiny veins on the leaf of a plant. 

“You know, I’d like to think that our relationship has at least improved to the point that you’d be willing to wait until I was actually  _ present  _ in my office before inviting yourself in.”

Levi blinked - once… twice… - and the sound made it to his ears. The room came into view, slowly as if he were waking up in a daze from a foggy dream. The sun was setting. The flickering light dying along the western horizon painted the office in shadows that created abstract shapes, shapes that manifested lurking specters, specters which sat lying in wait with icy tendrils of blackness beckoning to snatch away the soul. 

Levi blinked - once… twice… - and the shadows were just shadows, dark silhouettes of ornate furniture decorating the space with an authoritative opulence. 

Erwin waited in expectation but not impatience. The man always seemed to have all the time in the world whenever he decided to drop by uninvited and unannounced. 

“You have shit locks, and I saw no point in waiting outside.” 

The small, collapsible knife he had used to break the lock weighed heavily in his right-side pocket. 

It was almost with a set of eyes not his own that Levi observed Erwin smile plainly at him before brushing past to sit behind his intimidating desk of gleaming mahogany, the colours reflecting richly in the sinking sun. His eyes - called wintry from time to time - never left the man’s imposing form. Levi analyzed every movement, every synapse firing to command Erwin’s feet to rise, his legs to go forth and carry him until the unconscious goal of movement had been achieved. 

Analytical detachment contorted Levi’s features into an unyielding mask of indifferent placidity, until he could feel himself being openly and unabashedly observed. Until he could feel the stare that lingered on  the dark circles that seemed to have made a home under his wintry eyes, the gauntness that now clung to his pale skin, and the slight shrinking of his already unusually petite form. 

“I requested new locks be installed a few days ago. Surely you can practice knocking until then.” 

Erwin spoke slowly, with consideration provided for every word uttered, as if the punctuality of the response was not all that important compared to the words he wished to convey. The captain’s voice was mild and unconcerned, with an air of admonishment coloured in the way one might scold a naughty child for sneaking into the cookie jar before dinner. 

The scoff that made it past Levi’s lips and out into the distance that separated the pair rang dry and hollow, as if he himself was not convinced of the sound, but had to make an attempt for the sake of effort. 

“You disobeyed my orders to take a break from training,” Erwin noted mildly, easing back into his chair and crossing one leg over the other. 

Levi endeavored, never let it be said that he did not try. He could physically feel the muscles of his face shifting into their standard, deriding glare of stinging scorn, but the skin felt heavy. The firing neurons gave up part-way through, tugging his face down and turning the look dull and exhausted. 

“I saw no reason to take a break,” Levi heard himself respond somewhere in an echo of his mind. 

Levi insisted he remain on active duty, that he  _ needed  _ to be on active duty. Without it, his hours would be spent bathed in red. Red memories to fill his days and red nightmares to consume his nights. 

“You have also barely been eating and you’re sleeping even worse than usual,” Erwin countered neutrally. 

Levi felt anger flare flame-like inside his chest. It scorched his rationality and consumed his soul like a wildfire ravishing the valleys of his subconscious. It raged until ash and dust was all that remained on a land left barren and stripped of all semblance of life. 

“And you’ve been, what, stalking me?” Levi bit back, flames licking his tone and growling his cadence. 

“You are aware enough to know I keep tabs on everything that you do and everywhere that you go.” 

“And what would you have me call that, Smith?” 

Levi’s voice was deriding and discourteous, his gaze affronting. 

Erwin’s features shifted dark, as if a storm brewing just along the edge of the horizon had now descended upon the room to pour out a tempest of emotions that clung to the pair the way cloth clings to the skin in torrential rain. 

“Call it whatever you like. The fact of the matter is, you’re my responsibility. When you undermine the authority of your superior officers, I am the one who has to deal with it,” Erwin declared, voice thundering. “And while we’re on the subject of rank, if you are going to address me, you will do so as either Captain Smith or Erwin. I do not mind you speaking to me informally, but I will not have you doing so disrespectfully.”

“I’m not  _ your  _ responsibility, Erwin. I don’t need a fucking caretaker,” Levi lashed out like lightening slashing the ground with electric currents of burning energy. 

“I have no desire to be your caretaker, Levi,” Erwin spoke quietly, his words the eye of the storm, the rationality in that which is reduced to madness. 

Levi felt something deep within him fizzle out. If his insolence was not enough to move Erwin to rage, what was the point of the provocation, of the attempt to spur anger and evoke hatred? 

The storm receded, and the room was left as it was before - deafeningly quiet, palpably tense, and unnervingly still. 

Levi bit harshly at his lower lip, the flesh now mangled and chewed from the days he had spent biting at it, the hours he had filled puncturing the soft tissue and gnawing at the muscle lying underneath. It provided a way to mute his thoughts, to dull the small prickle in the back of his mind filled with  rage and hatred and self-loathing. 

“Where did you get that cut on your hand?” Levi asked suddenly, acclimating his senses to the piercing azure that had not once averted focus from his presence. 

He wasn’t sure why he asked, for what purpose the question and subsequent answer would serve. Perhaps to fill the silence, perhaps so maiming his own flesh would not be needed for a distraction. 

“I injured my hand.” 

Levi glanced up, his eyes narrowing into something resembling disbelief, perhaps akin to suspicion. He was disconcerted to find azure irises honed in on his lips, taking in the injured tissue with a subtle curiosity. 

“No you didn’t,” Levi retorted, subduing any sneaking feelings of petulance that arose with the rejoinder. 

He was losing sight of his objective. 

“You didn’t hurt your hand during the expedition.” 

“Perhaps I hurt it after the expedition,” Erwin responded calmly, his form relaxed and unbothered in his seat. 

Levi scoffed derisively, tenuous tendrils of life snaking in to paint the sound with a surge of vivacity that cut through the dullness of his countenance. 

“May I ask why you are bringing this up?” 

The slightest hum of a huff escaped Levi’s darkened lips. “I don’t like the colour red.” 

Erwin raised a scrupulous eyebrow characterized more by inquisitiveness than derision. 

“You know, Levi, I think I’m starting to understand what makes you tick just a bit.”

“You know nothing,” Levi deadpanned, a frown tugging down the slight elevation from his more successful glare. 

“But nothing is better than less than nothing,” Erwin murmured with a touch of a smile pulling at his full lips, his gaze sweeping over as if completing a quick check on the state of Levi‘s wellbeing. “It’s said that red is the colour of love and passion.” 

“It’s a disgusting colour to associate with love.” 

“Which would you prefer?” 

Levi remained quiet, his own silence hanging heavy on his body as if he could physically feel the weight of his reticence. Red was the colour of passion, of want and desire and adoration. Levi only saw it as the colour of carnage, the purest manifestation of a life snuffed out.

Erwin’s smile grew; Levi couldn’t imagine what he ever found worth grinning about. 

“Would you like me to cover the wound more so you don’t have to see the blood?” 

Levi’s brow furrowed slightly, his nose twitched a minuscule amount. His body was going through the motions of regulating its reaction almost in slow motion, determining whether the vexation ought to overcome the unease, and the unease the trepidation. 

The question struck too deep; it could not be answered. 

“Please sit down, Levi,” Erwin murmured with that discomposing, unwarranted gentleness, his eyes twinkling in that manner that declared provocatively and unsettlingly that he _ knew  _ something. 

Levi’s eyelashes fluttered as his mind reawakened to the knowledge that he was still standing stock still in the center of Erwin’s office. 

The small, collapsible knife weighed heavily in his right-side pocket. 

“I smashed a mirror and cut myself on the glass,” the blonde captain said as he rose from his desk.

Levi took his seat with a weary sigh, his wintry gaze warily following Erwin’s movements carrying him across the room. 

“Why would you smash a mirror?” Levi grumbled with distraction lacing his cadence, his senses more focused on discerning any and all threats to his form that could arise with the captain’s abrupt motion. 

Erwin shrugged slightly, opening that ornately carved cabinet that seemed to hold all of the allure of a room’s centerpiece despite it being pushed off almost forgotten to the side. 

“For the emotional release I suppose.” 

Levi scoffed. “You don’t have emotions.” 

Erwin turned to fix Levi with that guileless, placid smile before focusing his attention back on his task at hand. That flame-like flash panged through Levi’s chest once again, more subdued but still flickering like a slowly-burning candle. 

“I find such things to be calming, and a good way to find perspective,” Erwin replied plainly. 

“That’s disturbing,” Levi bit back. 

He watched, mesmerized, as Erwin went through the motions of scrutinizing different glasses to pour drinks into, his wound pulsing blood and pain palpable in its intensity and hurt. The man hardly seemed to care, as if he were experiencing the sensations somewhere outside of his body, his conscious form wholly unperturbed by the sting and ache that could have incapacitated. 

“What are you doing?” Levi heard himself ask, though his mind was entirely absorbed by the throbbing, agonizing red. 

“Looking for a less expensive glass for you to break,” Erwin responded as he pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

Levi wondered briefly if Erwin chose his words specifically to garner a reaction. He seemed to revel in pulling out every little murmur of feeling and caring and emotion in Levi, and the younger man was never quite able to avoid the trap, almost wondering if he were permanently ensnared in its irksome claws. 

The scoff burst from his lips unbiddenly, his wintry eyes rolled from the ridiculously droll nature of the comment. 

Levi sat on the edge of his seat as Erwin brought the glass over. Easing in this man’s presence was unfeasible, an option Levi could not even consider. 

The small, collapsible knife weighed heavily in his right-side pocket. 

“Perhaps you and I can endeavor to learn a bit more about each other,” Erwin said unprompted, his comment undesired in every manner by Levi. “Tell me about yourself.”

“No.” 

Levi wanted to ask  _ why _ , why Erwin cared to know even the slightest detail about him, but he could not bring himself to form the words that would ring out the laden question. 

“Why not?” Erwin inquired, his voice devoid of emotion that could hint at any underlying chagrin. 

“There’s nothing interesting about me.”

“I highly doubt that.” 

“I’m not as  _ magnificent  _ as you’d like to think I am.” 

“I don’t believe you,” Erwin said lightly, swirling the contents of his glass around languidly as he eased back in his chair, unbothered by the barriers being hurled at him. 

Levi sighed, the distraction dissipating, that heaviness settling over his chest like a leaden weight once more. His  grief ebbed and flowed as waves on a rocky shore, always present like the tide being pulled and pushed by the movements of the sun and moon, but not so all-consuming as to be destructive. Levi wanted the destruction. The in-between, the Purgatory was almost too much to bear. Precisely because he could bear it, because he could survive. 

He took his lower lip between his teeth once more and chewed. 

“Well,” Erwin hummed, immediately sensing the shift in his young charge, “if you don’t want to talk about yourself,  you can go ahead and tell me how you plan on killing me this time.”

Levi’s feline eyes flickered up and narrowed. 

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Levi snarled, his teeth unconsciously baring from the perceived threat. 

“Whatever plan you had for the expedition clearly failed. Strangulation, though an admirable attempt, did not work out in your favor. I have enough faith in your ability to assume you’ve come up with something new.” 

Silence permeated the room. Levi sat rigidly on the edge of his seat, refusing to be goaded into action. 

“A weapon perhaps, since your other methods failed?” 

Silence. 

“I am not above strip searching you,” Erwin retorted, downing the contents of his glass in one go.

Derision painted Levi’s face in provocative scorn. 

“I’m sure that there are many things you are not above,” he bit through clenched teeth. 

“I wouldn’t say so, Levi. In fact, I’m generally on top for most things that I do in my life.”

The confidence and utter audacity Erwin exuded so effortlessly and affrontingly had Levi wanting to try his hand at strangulation one more time. There was nothing resembling humility or courtesy lying in the layers just underneath that military mask of equable perfection; the truest form of the man assertively exploited his will, the authority so few could challenge. 

Levi despised this, he despised it like he despised  _ blood _ . 

“In all seriousness, though,” Erwin continued once he determined his comment had provoked and outraged for long enough, “why did you break into my office again, other than to make an attempt on my life, that is?”

The creeping exhaustion seeped back in as darkness seeped over the sky to call forth the nighttime. Vulnerability was the heaviest burden to carry, and Levi heaved it around like a ball and chain shackled to his leg.  He only had so much energy, only so much tenacity to combat the man… maybe he didn’t even want to anymore. 

“I don’t understand,” Levi heard himself say, though barely as his voice was now just a whisper. He could not keep the simmering anguish from bubbling over into his cadence just slightly. “I’ve never understood. You see something that I can’t.” 

Levi wasn’t quite sure what prompted him to answer the question, or where his response had even surfaced from. He felt drowned, though his lungs would never just succumb to the deprivation. They always found a way to heave in and heave out life at the last possible moment, even when Levi wanted nothing more than to feel the abyss, to abscond from purgatory and finally make it into hell. 

Erwin sat contemplating, Levi could see it. He could see the depth, the manner in which the captain looked at him that dared to probe into his very soul. The profundity of Erwin’s cerulean stare was unnerving. Levi feared all that it held like a sinner feared the devil. 

“Well then,” Erwin finally spoke quietly, tenderly, with that gentleness that was so unwarranted and unwanted yet somehow desperately craved for by the soul, “let me be your eyes until you can see it.”

Levi wanted to breathe, but the room was suffocating, his air was stolen again. That vulnerability crept up once more, provocatively on display to match with his childishly widened eyes. Levi ran from it, terrified like a lost child. 

He stood abruptly, downing the contents of his glass in one go and dropping the small, collapsible knife that had rested in his right-side pocket on Erwin’s desk. 

He left without a backward glance, and would forever be silently thankful that the captain did not utter a word as he fled from that office darkened by the cyclical death of the sun. 

\---

“And the estimated blade loss?”

“For our squad? At least twenty sets.” 

The scratching of the quill screeched across the yellowed parchment resting atop Erwin’s mahogany desk. The totals counted and the tallies scored painted a picture bathed in blood, one that would be as heavy in coin as it was in loss of life. 

Erwin inscribed Hanji’s answers with a placid detachment, his mind intentionally left muted to save from the consuming contemplations that would inevitably follow as he considered how the Scouts would make up for their losses. Obsessing over such details could fill sleepless nights; for now, he had reports, debriefings and correspondences to engulf his dragging days. 

Erwin jotted the number next to the corresponding gear denomination, glancing up at his second-in-command in expectation once he had internally silenced his mind of all besetting deliberations. 

“Firing mechanisms for all our gear seem to be fine, though Abel still needs his officially evaluated.” 

Erwin hummed in response, jotting the information down in what had inevitably become another unofficial report. Stock estimates were taking days longer than anticipated to complete, and the Corps’s standard functioning had become somewhat shambolic and erratic as soldiers were attempting to account for their own gear along with that of the dead, and captains were attempting to maintain some sort of discipline while revising records and keeping troops in line. 

“Is that it?” Erwin inquired, somewhere in the back of his mind a silent prayer that this would, in fact, be all he would have to account for. 

“We didn’t get roughened up too bad. It was poor Flagon that got the short end of the stick,” Hanji replied with a shrug. 

Erwin sighed, setting his soft-tipped quill down and rubbing his calloused fingertips harshly into his reddened eyes. The ink dancing across his parchment in small, black lines dried languidly in the cooling air as Erwin regarded his second-in-command with a wary glance. 

“We will need to find someone to replace Flagon as a captain,” Erwin muttered, knowing full well the Commander would look to his guidance when eventually making it to that arduous task. 

“Hmm,” Hanji hummed, her more exuberant nature placated with the post-expedition heaviness that always hung like a weight over the Scout base for days following any hazardous missions. 

“I am going to recommend you to the Commander.” 

Hanji’s spectacled eyes magnified the detail of her surprise as she regarded Erwin with widened orbs of iridescent brown. Her startlement, though, was quickly recovered from. 

“But who could possibly replace me as a second and a member of squad Erwin?” Hanji joked, providing her oldest friend a mischievous grin that twisted her features jubilantly nefarious. 

“I have faith Abel will be able to carry on your legacy,” Erwin smiled. 

Hanji lifted her chin in mock contemplation as she made a show of scrutinizing the inevitable answer in her mind. 

“Yes, yes. I suppose that will do,” she grinned. “But who could ever fill my place on your team?”

“Levi,” Erwin murmured, his tone shifting from humored to neutral in the half-beat of a heart. 

Hanji’s lightened face fell slightly as she inspected her captain through dispirited eyes. Her bottom lip was tugged between her teeth in gnawing contemplation, signaling her caution for the advancing conversation. 

“He’s not doing well, Erwin.”

“I know.” 

“I’m fairly certain he still wants you dead.” 

“He does.” 

Levi’s collapsible blade weighed in Erwin’s pocket and created a small pressure that seemed to sit heavily on his soul. The boy was in no state to end his life, but that did not mean the desire was diminished. It was perhaps the most passionate thing the young man chose to obsess over, for absence of anything more favorable to dwell on in his crawling days, and to stave off the nightmares in his sleepless nights. 

“Has Shadis approved this?” Hanji inquired cautiously. 

“The option is there,” Erwin noted mildly. “Unless, of course, you want him for your own squad. You will have to form a team, after all, and he would be a very capable soldier to have under your command.” 

Hanji raised a scrupulous eyebrow that probed the intentions of her audacious captain. “What gives? I thought you wanted him with you?” 

“I want him where he will best thrive,” Erwin murmured, “and he does not really like me,” he added with a sardonic twist of his lips matched by his second-in-command. 

“I’ve never gotten the impression anyone’s opinion of you has stopped you from doing what you want,” Hanji smirked. 

“Perhaps not, but the boy does deserve a break from my _schemes_ , as you call them, every now and then.” 

Hanji wasn’t sure if this was a display of defeat or overwhelming composure on the part of her captain, but she had no doubt there were underlying motivations to the shift in bearing. Erwin was, after all, a very enterprising and tenacious man. Defeat was hardly an option unless it served some sort of tactical, tangible benefit.

A knock on the door halted any answer Hanji was apt to retort. The pair glanced over as Erwin called his admission, each wondering who would dare to disturb at such a time. 

Thomas entered the spacious room appearing thoroughly flustered. His unusual discomposure added an air of importance to his arrival. 

“Captain… there’s a lord just arrived at the base requesting an audience with you,” the young man spoke prudently, his weight shifting in his tight boots as he kept his gaze somewhere off to the side of the blonde captain’s head. 

An eyebrow climbed up Erwin’s forehead. He was not expecting such an unpremeditated meeting with any of the nobility, and had not even made plans for the start of the social season just around the corner. 

Erwin and Hanji shared a knowing glance before the captain turned back to his youthful and slightly overwhelmed squad member with a genial smile. The arrival of unannounced and unanticipated lords hardly ever boded well for the Scouts, but Erwin was determined to not startle the young man. 

“Please see him in, Thomas,” Erwin smiled. “And Hanji, please inform the Commander we have a guest on the base.” 

The pair exited to follow his commands as Erwin leaned further back in his seat, slipping into a placid headspace that would better prepare him for the unavoidable tedium likely to ensue with the arrival of a member of the nobility. 

‘Pleasantly surprised’ was not a feeling Erwin often experienced, but it was the one that coursed through his body and eased his mind in the next second as he watched his new guest enter. 

Erwin was the sort of man who kept ‘friends’ in many places for the sake of quid pro quo arrangements that would benefit his endeavors and advance his ambitions. Those who could be described as “genuine” relations within his sphere numbered in the few, but Erwin did manage to maintain legitimate acquaintances with some whose high rank allowed courtesies without the ever-present need for reciprocity. 

Erwin’s childhood had garnered him this elevated advantage over his own ranks that he utilized to his greatest benefit. 

“You traveled very far just to visit me,” Erwin smirked as he watched the long-limbed, benevolent man with a wave of dark hair and deep eyes to carry his features sit at his desk. 

Marquis Bart Wald was a real bastard of a man and a self-important regional lord who cared more for the state of his opulent property sitting somewhere along the sprawling lakes outside Trost than the actual advancement of humankind. His son was far less of an unpleasant man, and one Erwin had known since the jovial days of his earliest youth. 

“Nothing as trivial as distance could hinder our friendship, Erwin,” Lord Stephen Ward spoke in a voice so sincere that Erwin had to suppress a laugh. 

There was no teasing or mockery to the man’s words. His inability to stray from legitimate genuineness made him, perhaps, one of the most well-intentioned men Erwin knew, for better or worse. 

“You honor me, my Lord,” Erwin replied as he went through the motions of pouring drinks from supplies the very man before him had gifted. 

“Oh please, Erwin,” Stephen huffed. “You and I are too close for such formalities. Or would you rather I go around calling you Captain Smith all the time?”

Erwin smiled lightly, mirth dancing across his iridescent irises as he glanced back at one of the few men able to tie him to the life he had once lived before joining the military. Stephen appeared to be in good enough health, although a bit pale from his harrowing, early-morning journey across the rugged countryside. 

“I suppose that would get a touch awkward,” Erwin simpered, handing the lord a crystal-grooved glass. “How are you Stephen? How is your father?”

The lord shrugged slightly as a small flash of vexation passed evidently across his stately features. 

“About the same as always. He plays chess poorly and eats all day long. Manages to drag Pyxis into his schemes all the time. That poor man probably has better things to do with the Garrison.” 

“I’m sure his occupations make performing his duties challenging,” Erwin murmured, providing those twisted meanings that Levi so liked to call him out on. 

“Actually, that’s why I am here. I’ve been observing meetings of the Council in my father’s place recently, and your name has come up more than once.” 

“Oh,” Erwin replied mildly, raising a thick-set eyebrow. “All good things I hope.” 

He knew there would not be solely good things said about him at any noble forum that the Military Police undoubtedly had some form of access to. Such was the nature of politics within the military. 

Stephen chuckled with the good grace to be touched by bashfulness. “Unfortunately, it seems Commander Dawk does not always have the most favorable things to say about you.” 

Erwin did his best to suppress the snort building up in him like a storm. He himself did not have the most favorable things to say about the recently appointed Commander Dawk, so there were hardly hurt feelings on his side. 

“Yes,” Erwin responded, his smile laced in his tone. “Commander Dawk and I don’t often see eye to eye.” 

“Erwin,” Stephen said cautiously, his voice becoming increasingly serious as he turned to look the blonde captain directly in the eye. “I have to ask. Is… has Shadis said anything about appointing you Commander of the Survey Corps?”

Surprise was not a feeling Erwin enjoyed in the slightest. Surprise indicated a shortcoming, something that had not been accounted for manifesting to catch one off guard and shift advantages. The best waters to wade into were the ones where all creatures lying in wait, lurking just beneath the deceptive calm of the surface were already known. Erwin made it his life’s mission to avoid surprise, but it seemed today would not be met with success on that front. 

“It is not something we have discussed, nor would I presume to be the Commander’s first choice if he were to retire,” Erwin noted, his demeanor switching to something guarded and heedful. 

“Of course, of course,” Stephen responded hurriedly. “It’s just… there has been talk in the capital that the Commander may soon step down, and your name has come up when potential successors have been discussed.” 

“I see,” Erwin hummed, sinking back into his chair a bit with the weight of the information. 

Mike, of course, would be the natural first choice for successor as he had been in the Corps longest out of all the other captains. But Erwin knew Mike would refuse the position if he were ever offered it. 

He and Hanji were the next two logical choices; they both had some of the highest kill and assist counts among the Scouts, and next to Mike had been around as some of the longest surviving members. Hanji was not yet a captain, however, and her beliefs won her few friends when it really counted. 

Erwin still could not control and direct his surprise as he would have desired to. Although he knew the last expedition had taken a considerable toll on Shadis, he liked to think they were close enough for the man to mention anything about the possibility of his retirement. It was difficult to gauge the validity of the rumors that flew around the council, too. 

“I think perhaps,” Stephen began, appearing a tad disquieted, “it would benefit you to spend some time in the capital. Garner some support among the nobility and secure your place if Shadis retires and you are selected.” 

Erwin contemplated Stephen’s suggestion briefly. The man had a point, and even if he wasn't going for himself, the Scouts constantly needed to establish new sources of funding and amass new support just to remain afloat. A trip to the capital might prove worthwhile. 

“Also,” Stepehn continued, “it might be good for you to bring along that boy. He’s become somewhat of a legend among the nobility, and people seem to be associating his success with your discovery of his talents.” 

Erwin hummed thoughtfully. He had no previous intentions of bringing Levi anywhere near polite society, despite the abounding number of letters he had received requesting the boy’s presence at noble engagements and capital functions. When gossip spread, it spread like wildfire, and currently it was spreading about Levi among the ranks of some of society's finest and most sordid. 

Erwin knew Levi’s talents could be used to benefit the Corps in numerous manners, and it was difficult to pass up such an opportunity when the Scouts were in such dire need. Perhaps it would do Levi some good to get away from the base for a little while, too. The castle’s halls were far too filled with ghosts for him. 

\---

The sun of the late afternoon sky beat down on Levi like a merciless whip lashing against his bare backside and leaving stinging welts from its scorching rays. Levi determined, after a little over a month on the surface, that he hated the damned sun. It was one of those forbidden pleasures of life that exuded so much brilliancy and beauty in its warmth and vivacity. That is, until one got too close, until one stood too long in its enveloping streaks, and then the full extent of its scorching savageness could be felt, like a blushing rose bristled in biting thorns. 

He didn’t have much to do with his time at the moment, thanks to Erwin. Everything in his life was thanks to Erwin now. The clothes on his back, the food he hardly cared to bother with resting in his belly, the bed he endured nightmares in if he even managed to achieve some form of respite in the long nights. It was all thanks to Erwin. 

Levi despised that. 

There twisted deep within him all of the things he  _ wished  _ could be attributed to Erwin. The hatred buried as a knife in his heart, the scourging self-loathing that left a taste of bitter bile in his mouth, the searing loneliness that burned worse than the sun beating down overhead. All things that he wished Erwin had been the cause of, but he could only blame  _ himself _ for. 

Levi despised that even more. 

So, with nothing better to do and a tempest of raging emotions to ignore, suppress, and bury down into the crevices of his body until they practically seeped out of his aching soul, Levi found himself behind the odorous stables hacking away at firewood like a brute with an axe almost half the length of his small form. 

There was solace in the repetitive motion; the up of the hilt and the down of the blade that splintered fat slivers of log clean in two with a ringing  _ thwack _ and a hollowed  _ thud _ . The motion helped to alleviate the tight tension in his muscles built up from a lifetime of suspicion, distrust and agitation. It provided a numbing salve for his mind that allowed his poor, bloodied lip reprieve from being gnawed down to something beyond bone. Pain was an excellent distractor, and Levi figured the sharp piercing from the splinters ambling into his skin was more worth any permanent damage to his lower lip as he reigned absolute fury down on tiny pieces of wood that hardly deserved the full  _ ranging  _ extent of his outrage. 

Levi’s breath heaved in partial-ups and erratic-downs as he hacked away mercilessly at logs hardly necessary in the fast approaching high summer. He didn’t much give a damn for what was and was not necessary at the moment, all he cared about was the motion. Pulling the hilt up, driving the blade down. It was something to do, a way to distract. Through pain and endurance and exertion, Levi could find some form of salvation, or perhaps flee from his own dark demons clung to his soul like a festering blight. 

Sweat meandered lazily down Levi’s pale backside and carved out crafty patterns in his protruding muscles and sharp bones. His shirt had long since been abandoned with the increased savageness of the sun’s unrelenting attack on his poorly protected form and porcelain skin deprived of the ability to withstand such harsh rays. Tomorrow’s sunburn would be a bitch, but today’s reprieve would be more than worth the days of unyielding discomfort to follow. Levi lived his life in unyielding discomfort; what was a little more to add to the fray of his frazzled existence? 

Time passed somewhere outside of Levi’s awareness. It was a concept that no longer mattered to him or even pertained much to his enduring presence on the face of the planet. The days could pass one by one in their predictable, cyclical fashion, or they could stop all together and spell certain doom for the plight of the Earth, and Levi wouldn’t give much of a fuck. Going through the motions of living a life did not fare much worse than what he had actually experienced  _ attempting  _ to live some sort of worthwhile existence, so what was the point in trying so hard? Kenny had always said work smarter not harder, and Levi had always considered himself among the ranks of the brilliantly depraved. 

The amount of time he spent splintering unnecessary firewood was inconsequential. It would amount to the same aggregate worth as Levi spending the afternoon lying on his happy ass staring blindly up at the ceiling and listening to flies ram into the window panes with a sickening  _ splat _ . At least hacking away at rotting pieces of dead plant provided more of an  _ emotional release _ , as that damned bastard called it, but Levi liked to pretend he didn’t have any of those, so, really, it was all a moot point. 

The sun beat down, his skin flared raw red, and Levi was unyielding. He didn’t have much else to devote this kind of passion to. His self-loathing was stellar, his burning rage commendable. Mental depravity had been gifted to him at birth, so Levi was one complete package of fucked up all at the ripe old age of nineteen. Or was it twenty? Or was it eighteen? He’d never really known, but it hardly mattered. He could be seventy and still be as close to life and death as he was now. 

Social interactions had always been low on the list of Levi’s desired life experiences, and he made a rather successful habit of letting others know that through his facial expressions alone. Levi liked to exist somewhere between two stages of being: his, ‘don’t fuck with me or I’ll kill you’ point, and his, ‘I’m going to kill you now because you fucked with me’ point. It had always worked wonders for him, but it seemed the Scouts were a special brand of suicidal. What indoctrination it took to willingly poke the bear with the hot iron, to tempt the beast by so kindly offering up the sweet flesh. 

Levi  _ felt  _ those eyes, and it was so damn disconcerting because he always felt them before he saw them. They were such striking eyes, filled to the brim with emotion and expectation so aptly controlled and regulated that one never needed to guess what their owner wished. He made it unquestionably clear, and if his eyes did not do that for you, then surely something else about his body would. 

It had taken no time at all for Levi to realize Erwin Smith desired something from him. It was something deep, provocative and unwitting, perhaps even unknown to Erwin himself, but undeniably present in such striking fashion. Whether it was his body or his mind or his will, Levi could not say, but he had no doubt it would cast a blight on Erwin’s upstanding,  _ gentlemanly  _ demeanor the captain so expertly maneuvered for his own gain. Whatever it was, Levi could find little pleasure in denying Erwin of his wants for another day. 

“Are you selling me out now, Captain Smith?” Levi asked in a cold, billowing huff as he brought the axe down on another log of wood without bothering to turn around, finding small amounts of satisfaction in depriving Erwin of the respect he so naturally demanded. 

It was a question not meant to be graced with a legitimate answer. It existed solely for Levi’s desire to provoke and  _ rip  _ into that placid demeanor of military perfection. It would provide him with little satisfaction for the emotional effort and energy needed to garner the intended reaction, but Levi was desperate to feel some form of satisfaction, no matter how miniscule, in his half-life of deprived existence. 

Those eyes painted his form, looping and curving up his backside like brushstrokes on a pale, blank canvas. Levi wondered with a detached sort of half-curiosity what they were creating, what desires could be spurned from the imagination through the workings of the eyes. 

“What do you mean?” Erwin asked. 

Levi could sense his movement, though it was virtually soundless. The man sauntered just left of his peripheral vision, likely going to lean against the back wall of the stables to relieve some of the pressure from his military-grade boots of unrelenting leather. 

Levi snorted derisively, bending down to pick up another small wood piece that would soon meet its undeserved fate by his swinging blade. He could play this game. He relished in this game. It did so little to benefit him, yet Levi found it was one of the few things he unceasingly looked forward to. Gratification, no matter the kind, could certainly be a grim and wicked thing. 

“I just assumed. Not many nobles have come to visit the castle.”

“And you presumed that had something to do with you?” Erwin replied. 

How Smith liked to toy and goad. He toyed with lives, goaded reactions, and played stupid so flawlessly that pure, gripping ire alone nearly caused Levi to drop his best card, to reveal his entire hand practically at the commencement of their game. 

Levi switched tactics, abandoning his axe with a violent toss that could have proved perilous had anyone been standing too close. His body stung with the exertion of exercise, the odor of sweat and toil clinging to his reddened skin like a heady perfume that struck the tepid evening air. The sun went about its languid process of hiding for the night rather lazily, reflecting off rays that painted the sky brilliantly but spared the atmosphere from its cruel heat. 

Levi looked desire straight in the eye and stared it down, his gaze unrelenting, his aura unyielding. A growl built up in the back of his throat and was subsequently released with his indignant response. 

“Hanji hasn’t been able to shut up about all the fucking nobles talking about me and spreading rumors and shit, so yes, I fucking presumed.” 

Erwin smiled mildly, something akin to amusement poking his sharp expression. He was right where Levi predicted he would be, leaning casually against that grimy stable wall with all of the affable confidence of a man who had never known defeat in obtaining his deepest inclinations. A rather comical look for a captain who worked for the most savage branch of the military, though Erwin wore it expertly like a statesman wears influence and intrigue. 

“I didn’t know you talk to Hanji.”

Levi frowned. “I don’t  _ talk  _ to Hanji. She won’t leave me the fuck alone.” 

A woman who wore suicide like a badge of honor. One of the few who had seen the deepest expressions of his pure, unadulterated  _ displeasure _ but did not melt like the dripping wax of a dying candle. She was truly one of a kind. Levi wished the military would just get on with it and hang her as a heretic already. 

“Hanji is a good soldier. You could benefit from her presence.” 

Had Erwin dared to say friendship, Levi would have been perfectly happy to go for his fourth attempt at murder. Four was a touch embarrassing for a man who hardly needed one attempt to get a job done, but Levi was nothing if not tenacious when it came to his vivid imaginings of observing Erwin Smith drown in a pool of his own blood, even if the musings had become a little less  _ present  _ as the days dragged on one by one in their annoyingly predictable fashion. 

Levi plopped down with a huffing sigh onto the tree stump he had been hacking wood on, his hand moving to tug at a little twig sprouting from the side of the dead foliage with green buds of fresh life dotting its rugged surface. He cast his glance towards his appendage, allowing some of his midnight-black strands to fall leisurely into his eyes in order to shield from the unalloyed nakedness he felt under Erwin’s intense gaze. 

“Why did you ask if I was selling you out?” Erwin inquired. 

Levi perked at that, looking up and sneering. He had forced Erwin to play the card, to question first, and it provided him no small amount of delight to revel in that fact. 

“You’re not the kind of person to miss out on furthering your own ambitions, and that includes securing resources for the Scouts. I figured you’d want to use me to assist that goal now that I can’t really get out of this hell hole.” 

It had fallen so nicely into his lap: the implication, the obscene insinuation. And why should Levi not play the debauched card? Why should he assume anything but the worst of this organization and every one of its members, none more so than the man who now stood before him?

Erwin understood the intimation immediately, and for once Levi was so gladdened by his intelligence. 

“Lord Wald is an old friend of mine. I did not offer him your body to secure Survey Corps funding,” Erwin replied, and Levi was absolutely delighted to note the touch of coldness frosting his tone.

“Oh.” Levi retorted, raising an eyebrow in mock surprise. “Silly me. I suppose I should be thankful for you.” 

The mental gratification set in as soon as he witnessed Erwin’s open and intentioned shift to something more militaristic and mask-like, a shield that could not crack so simply or easily be offended. And how Levi had intended to offended, how much maniacal joy he found watching Erwin grit his teeth and physically revise his posture to something harder, sturdier and more unfeeling. 

“Levi, I don’t make it a habit of selling my subordinates for favors. I don’t appreciate the implications you have made, either. What you do with your body is up to you.”

How absolutely droll that Smith would phrase such an ardent declaration in such an inviting way. Was it really up to him, when the world seemed so absolutely hellbent on fucking him over? The military was a place filled with such debauched transactions, after all. Close relations with lords and ladies when the need for funding, donations and gifts arose. Subordinates vying for the top bent to their knees in front of their superiors in order to secure the loftiest of positions. 

Levi could not resist. The world was cruel, and he was determined to let that be known. 

“So you’re saying if I wanted to fuck your lord friend for personal favors, you wouldn’t care?” He asked, his voice filled with enraptured contempt that colored his tone malevolently gleeful. 

“As long as it would not inhibit your abilities to perform your job,” Erwin replied, his expression so relaxed and controlled it was a wonder he wasn’t mechanical. 

Levi’s frown deepened. That was not the answer he had been seeking, nor the one he had expected. His brain scrambled for something, anything that would direct the conversation back to his control, that would shuffle the deck in his favor once more

His mind reached out, it latched, it grasped onto what had been itching like a burning rash on the back of his neck. 

“You’ve done it before?” Levi asked slowly and deliberately. “Haven’t you?” 

“Done what?” Erwin inquired, though his tone and mannerisms dictated that he already knew exactly what Levi was referring to. 

“Fucked noblewomen for favors, to secure funding for the Scouts.” 

Erwin paused for a moment in determination, but Levi already knew the man had little virtue to defend and too much intelligence to see any sense in defending it. 

“Yes,” the captain replied mildly, making no attempt to sanctify himself in his subordinate’s eyes. “I’ve had intimate relations with both lords and ladies to help the Corps obtain support.” 

“Intimate relations,” Levi scoffed quietly, still tugging at the little twig. “Can’t ever escape being a pompous bastard, can you?” 

A loss marked for him - one of many. Another attempt to drive Erwin to rage and hatred failed. Levi was beginning to wonder if there was anything he could even do to make the man despise him. 

“Levi,” Erwin continued, ignoring the boy’s whispered comment and palpable displeasure, “I feel it bears saying that I do not expect you to do that if you do not wish to. As I said, what you do with your body is your choice.”

Levi grit his teeth and raised his storming eyes back to Erwin. Of course Smith would dare to be so considerate of his magnificent, little  _ pet _ . Levi could hardly make sense of it. The man was enterprising by nature; there was no point in letting advantage and benefit go unutilized from a person who could not realistically refuse any longer. It was the way the world worked. Levi had seen it with his own eyes in his mother, in Kenny, in every humanoid being that filled the depraved space of the Underground. 

“Why the fuck do you feel that’s worth saying?” Levi asked, though his voice was more emotionless than malicious. 

He did not understand. 

“Because you do not seem like the type of man who would be willing to surrender his being for the sake of personal advancement.” 

Something deep inside Levi burned searing hot with Erwin’s answer. It threatened to consume the small man in his entirety, though Levi could hardly determine with what sort of haphazard emotion. The raven suppressed the flickering flame of the potential wildfire with a mechanical precision. 

“What did you want?” He asked after a pause, suspicion coming as natural as breath to his lungs. 

“Can I not just come see you?” 

Levi scoffed harshly, shooting Erwin an unimpressed glower that did nothing to disturb the man’s calm countenance. 

“Cut the bullshit. I know you’ve been intentionally avoiding me on the premise that I need space, or some stupid shit like that. Just tell me why you're here.” 

“Why do you write off your own healing process as stupid?” 

“Healing process,” Levi muttered, his glare withering. “I don’t need a fucking healing process.” 

He was losing, worse and worse. 

“I was under the impression you were mature enough to realize you are in fact suffering and need time to work through your own grief.” 

“Fuck you, Smith,” Levi hissed. 

“Levi, we already discussed how you are to address me. I expect you to follow that.” 

“Fuck you,  _ Captain  _ Smith.” 

All sense of losing could be abandoned - he had lost completely. His devolvement to petulant outbursts and unsubdued fury ticked the box so neatly and effortlessly. 

“We can discuss this in the morning,” Erwin said placidly, pulling his body off the wall and turning to leave with little care or emotion provided for the raging man paces away from him. 

“No!” Levi shouted, endeavoring when everything screamed at him to give up. 

He stalked up, grabbed Erwin's collar and pushed the much larger man into the wall with all of his considerable strength, desperate for physical victory if the captain had snatched verbal triumph away from him. 

“Just tell me why the fuck you came,” Levi growled, twisting his pale fingers into the rough fabric that scratched against his splinters and callouses. 

It always occurred in slow motion, and Levi was always helpless to react as he watched it happen with childishly wide eyes and a mouth slightly agape in a small ‘o’ shape. Erwin lifted his arm with that deliberateness and heedfulness. He wound his long fingers into Levi’s raven-black strands of hair with precise gentleness and an affable smile that declared just how much he  _ knew  _ about Levi, how much he understood. 

Levi’s wintry eyes fluttered closed in an innate reaction to the immediate pleasantness of the touch. It was a caress so attentive and tender that it aroused something longing and nostalgic deep within like the hazy memory of a lost lover. It was such a specific predilection that Levi had to wonder in vain just  _ how  _ Erwin knew he enjoyed such an intimate connection when he despised most forms of physical contact. 

“Lord Wald invited me to the capital for a ball, and he requested your presence as well,” Erwin murmured quietly, continuing to wind his fingers through Levi’s hair and massage his scalp. 

“Are you telling me to come?” The raven asked distractedly, leaning in slightly to the warm and inviting touch. 

“I’m asking if you’d like to.” 

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” 

“I think that if you want to come, then it’s a good idea.” 

It took a staggering amount of personal will for Levi to pry his heavy eyelids open. He could not help but think Erwin was the biggest bastard in the world for  _ knowing  _ so much when all Levi wanted was for everyone to know  _ so little  _ about him. 

“Fine,” he snapped, pulling back and turning to retrieve his discarded shirt before stalking away, not bothering to give the captain a second glance that would glimpse the keen pleasure that lingered on his features. 

Levi could feel the amusement Erwin watched his receding figure with like he could feel the wind chilling his fingers and the sweat ambling down his unclothed back. It made knots twist in his stomach, and he absolutely despised the feeling. It seemed Levi could not avoid providing the blonde captain company for the long carriage ride to Mitras, though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, politics on the horizon. Happy end of 2020!


	8. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin had made a decade’s process of controlling, subduing and masking all feelings that could leave one in a less than favorable state. Ten years of trite smiles, hackneyed behaviors and vapid beliefs to carry him to the point he now found himself in, and that all seemed to be flung out the window with the scathing conduct of one uneducated, sordid, sewer-rat boy. 

“You really do enjoy making my life difficult, don’t you Erwin?”

The blonde captain smiled plainly as he took in the haggard man sitting across from him with a calm and composed placidity. Erwin had never much viewed himself as a trouble _ maker, _ so to speak; rather, he had always seen himself as an audacious man whose professional and personal ambitions just  _ happened  _ to cause some difficulty every now and then, through no fault of his own, naturally. It was just the prevailing course of things. 

“We would be gone for no more than a week,” Erwin replied, sure to include the commendatory  _ we _ to ease the idea of allowing Levi anywhere off of the base into the Commander’s mind. 

Just as with Mike, Commander Shadis was one of those men who could never understand why Erwin went to such great lengths to keep his ruthlessness underhanded, rather than wear it like a mark of propriety on his sleeve. The Commander himself was as forthright and frank as he was tall and gaunt. He found little joy in making his enemies scramble, and saw more benefit to playing the hand how it was dealt as opposed to manipulating the cards to see how they could bend. 

Erwin was, to put it in simple terms, a markedly different man, and a rather ardent proponent of  _ bending _ , whether it be rules or adversaries. He didn’t make a habit of straying far from the line of decorum and appropriacy as drawn by the ranks of higher men who seemed to have a better understanding of how mankind  _ ought _ to behave, but he did enjoy toeing the boundary just to see what was on the other side. 

“This comes at an extremely difficult time. The base is still in disarray from the expedition.” 

Erwin could not oppose the Commander on that. Reports had, at long last, reached their point of finalization, but that did not mean things were back to what could be generously classified as normal for the Survey Corps. 

“I have faith that Mike and the other captains can see it through.”

Erwin’s pause was a cautionary one. He was testing the waters. The small ripples scattered, but the great waves appeared to be subdued. Commander Shadis watched him with a weary sort of vexation, the demeanor that naturally followed any of Erwin’s proposed  _ schemes _ , but he did not appear wholly put out by the unforeseen request that would deprive his ranks of one of its most domineering superiors. 

“And,” Erwin continued, easing into the murky pond and observing the ambling ripples his own entrance created, “this process could be assisted with the addition of a newly appointed captain to replace Flagon.” 

Shadis’s eyes narrowed to predatory slits of unhindered suspicion. Let it not be said that the man was not a hunter himself. He just did not find nearly as much pleasure in determining his threats and toying with his food as  _ others  _ did. 

“Damn you, Erwin. This is what you came for all along, isn’t it?” 

“I am merely making a suggestion, sir. And I do have ideas for Fletcher’s successor if you feel the need to consider outside opinions.” 

Erwin spoke with a genial repose and poise that placed no emphasis on any single word or meaning. His statement could be taken at face value, it really could, though it ought not considering all the man endeavored to achieve. 

“I fear you are too clever for your own good. It will be your undoing,” Shadis muttered, staring somewhere beyond his enterprising captain’s flawlessly groomed head of hair. 

Erwin smiled something wicked, though it was all ease and charm. He had no intention of becoming undone. He was playing the long game, after all, no matter how nefarious and vicious it was apt to become. Defeat was simply not an option worth providing any ounce of thought to when the pieces had just barely begun to meander forward. 

“Get on with it then,” Shadis huffed. “Tell me who you want.”

Erwin’s iridescent orbs of azure twinkled. “Hanji has waited long enough for a squad of her own.” 

“You do like to play a dangerous game.”

Shadis observed Erwin with an intense scrutiny that could have crumbled a lesser man. The suggestion was not one entirely irreproachable. Hanji Zoe was a soldier of many talents and an individual of many beliefs, particularly about the nature and creation of the world that happened to differ drastically from the crown-approved version of historical events. Erwin was intimately aware of what happened to those who so ardently questioned the complexity of existence, and he more than understood the political nature of appointing a Scout such as his second-in-command to an upper-ranked position in the military. 

“I am more than willing to accept responsibility for Hanji’s appointment,” Erwin declared, his straightforwardness indicating his dedication to the undertaking. 

“It is not that simple and you know it, Erwin.” 

Erwin knew when to push and when to refrain, when to speak and when to remain unspoken. His silence highlighted his keen awareness and profound understanding. This is what Nile Dawk would so delightfully characterize as the “overstepping” of his authority. Erwin could vouch for a soldier, nothing more. He did not have the power or reach to accept complete responsibility for an entire appointment and the baggage that would naturally follow such a politically undesirable selection. 

“Why do you want this so bad, Erwin? Why do you care so much?” Shadis inquired, staring straightforward at his captain again. He was scowling. 

“It is a matter of principal.” 

“What a noble lie, even for you.” 

Erwin’s slight stiffening did not go unnoticed or unnoted by the Commander. Without entirely intending to, he had struck a nerve with his usually amiable and placid Captain who went to such great lengths to remain anonymous in his thinking and ambitions. 

“It is… my reasons are of a personal nature, sir.”

“I’ve no doubt,” Shadis deadpanned. “Careful lest your desires blind you, Erwin, because then you will truly be dead.” Shadis would have been happy to laugh at the uncharacteristic discomfort of his formidable captain had he been more partial to the strenuous action. He settled for a wry smile. “And you’re no good to any of us dead.” 

Erwin resolved for a nod. He so rarely found himself lost of words, but then again he so rarely found himself in the presence of a man such as Keith Shadis. His candidness seemed to cut through the veil of deception so many men fell easily to. 

“You will have many enemies in Mitras, Erwin. You would do well to be wary.” 

To say Erwin perked up would be a bit of an overstatement. He had never allowed himself to become all that noticeably disconcerted by Shadis’s observation, nor had he displayed an overly zealous range of emotions when the Commander had backhandedly approved his request. Erwin did provide a rueful smile, though, and a sort of quiet appreciation in his eyes. 

“I will try my best, sir.” 

“And Erwin,” Shadis said, piercing the blonde with a look chilled as ice, “ensure that not a single questionable thing occurs with that boy. You  _ will  _ be held responsible for that.” 

Erwin smiled, and it was truly something wicked, because he would not have it any other way. 

\--- 

In the expansive realm of scientific exploration and discovery managed by the rather  _ controlling  _ and  _ domineering  _ hand of the state, it had been known for quite some time that the circulation of air depended on its temperature. Loosely packed, warm air rose up and above towards the clouds, while the densely packed, cold air fell from the weight of its tightly wound molecular structure. 

Levi believed that if there truly existed a hell somewhere within and among the extent of human existence, then surely by this simplistic principle alone it would have to be a place frozen-over and glacial to paint the deepest nightmares of man in gelid agony. 

The Underground existed in the subterranean realm of Earth, and was thus inordinately impacted by the savagely frigid quality that air was apt to dawn in such damned places of mortality. Levi had been born cold; in the last month of the calendar; as the year rapidly approached its cyclical death with a sort of equable indifference. That much he knew. 

So Levi just had to wonder, as he had suffered a cold birth and a cold existence in that subterranean city of human depravity, just why, when he had finally managed to escape that  _ frozen  _ hell to a realm somewhere  _ above  _ it where the sun had the mercy to shine, it was still so damn, fucking cold out. 

He had been under the impression when he had first surfaced from that cursed and wretched cesspool of societal failure that it was supposed to be the season of _ summer  _ in the months to come. Vaguely, Levi had understood what summer was, he had been exposed to its concept in his less than standard, rather unvirtuous years of short-lived educational experiences. 

He had never given much of a damn about what occurred with the changing of the seasons from spring to something that apparently could not be classified in a duplicate manner. Crops were to be harvested; Levi was not a farmer. Weddings were to occur; Levi was a whore-son who had never held much regard for the institution of marriage. 

The single guarantee summer had promised that Levi found any worth bothering with was warmth; sweet, simple, splendid warmth. Apparently mother nature had not received the memo, however, or the world was absolutely hell bent on making Levi suffer the full, all-encompassing extent of his miserable, purgatorial existence. 

He stood outside the practical, horse-clad carriage that would carry him to that gleaming city of human ingenuity and mortal debauchery swiftly becoming acquainted with hypothermia and all of the delightful aspects that came along with freezing to death. 

Levi quickly found that when considering the question - could it get worse? - the answer was unequivocally, invariably yes. Yes it could, indeed, get worse. And it did, in predictable fashion. You see, Levi could be standing alone becoming acquainted with hypothermia, and that would certainly be bad. What made it worse was that he was, in fact, not standing alone. Rather he was standing with an unbearably chipper Erwin Smith who had the audacity to appear  _ humored _ by his misery. 

It had been an embarrassingly spur of the moment decision for Levi to accompany Erwin to Mitras. He held what could generously be termed as  _ revulsion _ for the city, its inhabitants, and that shining beacon of privilege and wealth the accursed place so unabashedly stood for. He had been in a rather tight bind at the time, however - that bind being Erwin having the gall to touch him and Levi having the asininity to enjoy it - and thus could not provide a proper amount of consideration, scorn, and disgust for the offer. 

Erwin, for his part, was all smiles and politeness at that infernal, early-morning hour of their departure. He was a model of civility to Levi, to their driver, hell, even to the damn horses that would be lugging them the extensive distance to the capital city. Levi somehow found that considerably more vexing than the cold that was shivering his bones, the rattling that was rearranging his spine, and the insomnia that had deprived him of most of his rationality since the expedition. 

Erwin was in an exceptionally good mood. Levi could not fathom why; he had been born put out, and years of life had not managed to make that better. The blonde captain attempted to goad him into conversation for the better part of an hour, steadfastly refusing to heed Levi’s cutting silence, sour looks and deathly side-eyes in typical Scout fashion. It seemed Erwin was the sort of man that could meet failure without defeat, however. Just as he fell quiet for an extended period of time and Levi  _ finally  _ thought he was in the clear to brood in his own misery in  _ silence _ , Erwin picked right back up again as if Levi had not physically willed the captain to perish with his eyes alone. 

“It is often said that long journeys pass by quicker with conversation,” Erwin said lightly, throwing his unsolicited, unwarranted, and unwanted comment into the stilted air between them. 

“Then talk to yourself,” Levi bit back, more concerned with the feasibility of hanging oneself than the direction of his conversation with Erwin Smith. 

Levi had never been one for polite conversation. Indeed, he had never been one for any type of conversation where imprecations were not the language of choice. 

“That is difficult to do when I have you here to provide riveting discussions,” Erwin retorted, filled to the brim with that infuriating smugness that Levi was made to question just how he had not physically drowned in his own self-satisfaction yet. 

“You can take your riveting discussions and shove them up your ass.” 

Let it never be said that Levi was not a poet with profanity. 

“Crudeness utilized as a defense mechanism will not get you very far where we’re headed.”

It could not be professed that existence - that being the life Levi had endured for the range of eighteen to twenty years - had turned him stony, placid, unamused and indifferent. It was simply just how Levi was; a personality and not a preference; a state of being and not a way of life. When it came to the full range of human experiences, Levi approached them with either rigid detachment or unyielding discomfort. Good food hardly moved him, good companionship was overly-complicated, good sex was often messy in all implications of the term. Levi merely found his predilections favored a behavior of indiscriminate apathy. 

So it truly was something of an experience for him when he turned to stare at Erwin Smith head on and his vision  _ seared _ white-hot with unadulterated defensiveness and rage. The iridescence of his eyes - sometimes blue, sometimes grey - burned flickering flames of pure, predatory fury. 

“ _ Excuse me _ ,” Levi hissed, because how dare Erwin so brazenly, so  _ accurately  _ unmask him. 

“You heard me,” the blonde captain retorted, raising a provoking eyebrow in expectation. 

It was evident, painfully so, that Levi was finished with their short-lived conversation. His moods had the uncanny ability to change the atmosphere of a space, and currently the pair was residing in sub-arctic temperatures of unmitigated malice and fury. 

It was difficult to assess whether Erwin was the sort of man who did not know when to give up, or just refused to give up because he found other’s determinations on such matters to not be worthwhile. Nevertheless, he endeavored. 

“Why is it that you utilize coarseness to get your point across as opposed to other methods?” 

The question was lighter this time, more curious than critical, as if Erwin were more interested in creating a mental stockpile of Levi’s behaviors and quirks than actually criticizing the younger man’s way of being. 

Levi could not be bothered to look at Erwin now. Pride would not dictate it. 

“Why do you utilize bullshit politeness to get yours across?” He snapped, introspectively angry to find, once again, his conduct had degraded to something juvenile and petulant. 

Erwin elicited emotions within him, emotions Levi endeavored to suppress, and he was subsequently endlessly caught between the push and pull of apathy and outburst. It was such a droll and banal display of his youth, and Levi despised every second he succumbed to the boiling chemicals that imbalanced his stony nature. 

“I realized quickly when joining the military that most people much prefer sweet words to hard truths. I find that cordiality has gotten me much further along in the circles I traverse through than any other method.” 

“Cordiality and sticking your cock into all the high-society inbreds,” Levi scoffed without considering what had left his lips to flow as waves of sound through the air and pierce Erwin’s ears. 

It had gone beyond what even Levi intended; a comment meant to be hurtful, degrading, and completely lacking in all respect. Erwin was more than aware of the shortcomings of his virtue to be terribly offended by it, though. 

“You overestimate my exploits,” he responded mildly. “The pleasure of my company has been well sought after by quite a few, but not to the extent that  _ all  _ ranks of the upper classes wish to spend extensive amounts of time with me.”

Had Levi been more willing to credit the man with his proficiencies, he would certainly have been impressed with Erwin’s ability to turn something so gracelessly unnecessary into a sort of half-joke composed of provocative undertones. The man was truly exceptionally confident, or perhaps foolishly so. Levi could not really say which. 

“Could I offer you a bit of advice?” Erwin continued in his typical, unfazed fashion. “I suggest that you refrain from referring to anyone as ‘inbreds’ while we are in the capital. As I am sure you can imagine, such a term is not viewed favorably among many of the nobility.” 

“Is that an order?”

“Merely a suggestion. I would not ask anything of you that you do not wish to do.” 

“Who said you would ask, pretty boy?” 

The remark was out before Levi could rein it in. The words pierced the air with their leaden meaning of provocation, of the deep, undesired extent to which Erwin Smith  _ affected  _ him. 

All that could be heard in the moments that followed was the  _ clip clop  _ of the horses’ hooves against the rugged, dirt-road. 

Erwin’s azure eyes of expectation narrowed to something slanted and beedy, his lips pursed to a tightened line so rigid that his displeasure was as palpable as it was visible. Levi’s toes curled in his boots. 

“You are once again throwing around implications that I do not appreciate,” the blonde captain said slowly, with weight added to each heavy word. “Do you really believe my character is so warped?” 

Levi’s response was as swift and as vicious as a striking cobra. “Yes I do.” Because why should he not assume the worst in the organization he found himself bound to, the man he found himself  _ chained _ to? 

“What?” Levi sneered, those chemicals in his brain firing and broiling and telling him not to give up when it was so painfully, undeniably evident that he really ought to. Erwin remained silent. “Are you done with our  _ riveting  _ conversation?” 

“I have neither a need nor the inclination to participate in such discussions,” Erwin replied without an ounce of emotion to lilt his tone. 

Levi beckoned forth his hatred once more, pushed away all feelings of regret and self-condemnation. He refused to be burdened by compunction. He was such a child - so lost, so helpless, so unsure - when it came to the nature of what Erwin wanted, what the man required from him. It was something so provocative, so deep, going beyond all basic interaction and understanding, that Levi could not make sense of it in the slightest. 

If Erwin wanted to use him, then Levi could deal with that, because he had been used before. If Erwin wanted to fuck him, utilize his body for base and banal pleasure, then Levi could deal with that, because he had found himself in such situations before. If Erwin wanted to mold him, shape him into a dutiful and undefeatable soldier, then Levi could deal with that, because he had been molded - into the sordid character he now found himself to be - before. 

But it was simultaneously all of these things and none of these things and so much more than these things that Erwin wanted, that Levi could not make any sense of just where he found himself, just why he was in the situation that he was in. He did not understand. He wanted to, but he was too afraid to ask for fear of the answer. For fear that it would be exactly and not at all as he expected. 

“Are you intimidated by me, Levi?”

The question was so unexpected that Levi was almost startled. Erwin had been silent for quite some time, after all. 

“Are you intimidated by my position?”

Those chemicals churned and melded and meshed, and Levi soon found his self-reproach outdone by his ire. Why was Erwin doing this to him?  _ What  _ was Erwin doing to him?

“Are you intimidated by my control over you?” 

The branch  _ snapped  _ in Levi’s psyche, the frayed rope untangled in disarray and left two pieces of jagged, uneven, bristly material in its wake. 

“You do  _ not  _ have control over me, Erwin,” Levi hissed, his voice more venomous than a cobra’s striking bite. 

“The nature of my rank and our respective positions is just one of the things that proves that statement wrong,” Erwin replied calmly, his eyes so deep and so probing that they might as well have been taking a knife to all of Levi’s insecurities and vulnerabilities and hacking away for the sheer sake of discovering what twisted, corrupted  _ child  _ lie underneath. 

“I think it is worth noting,” Erwin continued when silence had become as a noose is to a wretch’s neck, “that I will not ask you to do anything you are vehemently opposed to for both me or anyone else,” he murmured with an air of finality. 

That was all Erwin would say for his character, and Levi could not physically say anything more for fear of revealing that unforgivable fact. That he was just an orphaned, abandoned, terrified whore-son with not a friend in the world nor an ounce of comprehension to make sense of the existence he had found himself cruelly tossed into. 

The rest of the journey passed without conversation. 

\---

Erwin was not the sort of man who made a habit of becoming debilitated by emotions of any and all kind. He was an ardent proponent of constant vigilance, believing that favorable emotions could leave one foolishly inattentive to the cruel inner workings of the world, while negative emotions could hinder one’s ability to utilize every situation and individual to their fullest extent. When in a room of likely enemies and potential allies, it was better to not be the man overcome by petulance, rapture, ire or consternation lest one’s judgement be precariously clouded. 

So it was really quite a state for him to arrive in the early evening with the picturesque sinking of the sun to the golden capital city of Mitras feeling inexplicably, overwhelmingly, inhibitively  _ vexed _ . Erwin had made a decade’s process of controlling, subduing and masking all feelings that could leave one in a less than favorable state. Ten years of trite smiles, hackneyed behaviors and vapid beliefs to carry him to the point he now found himself in, and that all seemed to be  _ flung  _ out the window with the scathing conduct of one uneducated, sordid, sewer-rat  _ boy _ . 

There was a lot that  _ could  _ be said for Erwin’s character and disposition - the one that he wore as a mask, the one that existed deep within and represented the truest nature of his temperament - still Levi chose to attack him with the few unsavory censures that  _ did not  _ actually apply to his conduct. Yet Erwin was so provoked, so unveiled because perhaps they  _ could _ apply. He knew the way he looked at Levi, after all, the way he let the thick-skinned layers of deception peel away to reveal the full extent of his lechery, like the stinging peel of an onion that offended the eyes and burned the senses. He was not a gentleman, had never professed to be one, yet people just believed he displayed the best of such bearing as a matter of course. But oh, how Levi did not believe that, and how right he was. 

Erwin arrived at Stephen's capital estate with his sordid, sewer-rat charge in tow feeling decidedly choleric, by Levi’s conduct, by his own behavior, by every blasphemous accusation the boy had  _ spat _ at him that could verily be truth. To put it simply, he was angry, so angry that he wanted to lash out, to strike with precise and malignant indignation. 

From the exact moment of his father’s untimely murder, Erwin had spent every waking and resting second of his hapless existence  _ not  _ lashing out, biding his time, disposing of his enemies in the most level-headed and reasonable of manners. But the truth had a viperous way of presenting crueler than any vindictive lie. Defamation always struck deepest when it could, perhaps, be actually declared valid and genuine. 

Erwin abandoned all attempts at bonding, goading as Levi would denounce it. He allowed rageful silence to be the hangman’s noose. If Levi was hellbent on despising him, then Erwin did not have the current emotional authority to combat that - a rather embarrassing admittance for a man who utilized command as a way of life. 

The retreat of the sun coloured the sky so gorgeously over the gleaming city of ephemeral grandeur that its dichotomy to the monochrome and taut air between the pair was almost humorous. 

“Get out,” Erwin snapped to Levi when he glanced back to find the boy still in the carriage viewing him the way the devout view mortal sin. 

It was perhaps the most honest phrase he had ever  _ hissed  _ at the boy, no layers to unpeel, no mask to deceive just how he felt in the current moment. 

Levi was the most submissive Erwin had ever seen him, jumping out of the wooden box without a word of protest or a scoff of contempt. His eyes, however, painted a different picture entirely. 

It took all of Erwin’s considerable self-control to remain polite and amicable to their attendant, passing off their horses to be fed and rested while settling into the role of ‘sit and wait’ that was so customary in the home of great lords with little to do but always too much on their plates. It seemed they would not be allowed past the first floor parlor until Stephen came to offer his greetings and official admittance to his stately home, and the good lord was, apparently, out at the moment doing whatever banally consequential tasks lords were apt to complete. 

Erwin sat dutifully and quietly like the well-bred, well-mannered man that he was raised to be while Levi paced the floor as a great beast paces a cage in agitation and boredom, despising being held to the practices of base men and their inane whims. The parlor, no doubt most utilized in the estate by guests, was decorated fantastically in fittings and finery only accessible to those few with admittance to the recesses of wall Sina. 

“Sit down,” Erwin commanded, his voice leaving no room for disagreement. “Lord Wald is an exceptionally busy man, and I have no use for you worn out before the most trying portion of the day has even passed.” 

“I didn’t realize your presence did not constitute the most trying portion of the day,” Levi bit through clenched teeth, sitting with an unceremonious plop at the other end of the sofa as physically far away from Erwin as could be allowed. 

“Shut up for a while, Levi. I have no desire to hear anything you have to say.” 

It was the second most honest thing Erwin had ever said to the boy, and perhaps the truest display of what could be constituted as his character, demeanor, comportment and conduct. His tone left no room for kindness or question, he yielded power over his words and actions that could not easily be deterred or combated, not lest one be willing to face the full extent of his proficiencies. 

Contrary to the belief of the recently deceased Fletcher Flagon, Levi did actually heed authority, when he felt there existed an individual who deserved his time, respect, and abilities. Erwin Smith had not earned any of these things in his mind, but he was certainly on the right track with the rather abrupt abandonment of his bullshit gentleman routine. Levi did not require affableness and cordiality to follow, he needed a reason to revere, a reason to listen to any man or woman other than himself. 

It could not be denied that Erwin Smith was a powerful and capable individual more than able to assert his will and bestow his own brand of judgement. Levi clamped his mouth shut on the opposite end of that sofa and remained silent, because he too knew when to push and when to refrain, when to speak and when to remain unspoken. 

Erwin sat that short distance that might as well have been leagues away from Levi observing the boy from the corner of his eye. He perched on the edge of his seat stiff, unamused, and likely irked, but following Erwin’s command in a way no lesser man could. It was not just verbal silence, but the silence of his mannerisms, expressions and entire body that was so astoundingly noticeable. 

Erwin was transfixed. Levi’s ability to follow orders was, it seemed, exceptional when the boy felt the need to yield to directives and volitions other than his own. He was everything Erwin’s ambitions craved, complete and utter temptation from the way his midnight hair fell to the way his deadly blades cut. In essence, he was beauty and ability and enticement manifested in a mortal form so close to grab yet leagues away from actually being graspable. 

“You are just dying to say something, aren’t you?” Erwin murmured, not without humor, as he visually traced the unutilized fireplace structure in front of him. 

Levi remained quiet. He had not been granted permission to speak, after all. 

A lazy wave of Erwin’s hand in a ‘go ahead’ manner was all it took. 

“If you’re going to stare at me, don’t try to be sneaky about it,” Levi deadpanned. 

Erwin felt it bubbling in his chest, climbing up his throat, jumping out his mouth. He laughed, and was legitimately amused. 

“Staring is generally considered to be rude. The sneakiness, as you put it, was meant to follow the standard social dictate of keeping one’s eyes politely averted,” Erwin smirked, glancing towards the stony-faced boy once more. 

“This so-called ‘standard social dictate’ of yours has never stopped you from staring rudely at me.”

“I’ve never professed to be nice.” 

A flickering flash of a glance occurred as Levi looked over to Erwin for the briefest of seconds before letting his gaze fall away once more. He shifted in his sitting position slightly, and Erwin was delighted to find he had better viewing access to the allure and strength of Levi’s form that he so candidly stared at now. 

It was the better part of an hour before Stephen returned to his opulent abode, profuse apologies on his tongue for making his two esteemed guests wait for such an extended period of time. 

“The journey was well, I take it,” the lord inquired as he grasped hands with Erwin and looked upon the blonde captain with the fondness of an older sibling. 

“Largely uneventful,” Erwin replied, smirking when he heard the tiniest of scoffs huff from Levi’s pretty, red lips. 

The pair followed the lord out the parlor and down his winding corridors filled with paintings sized the half-length of sweeping walls and decorations of opulence that served no real purpose beyond impressing and evoking want in others. 

“It’s quite boring here at the moment, I’m afraid. Barley the start of the social season, yet it’s already turning out to be such a dull affair.” 

“Do you not have anyone else staying with you?” Erwin inquired, following in step with the lord as he gestured for Levi to remain by his other side. 

“Only Lady Latymer and her two nieces, which generally turns out to be more of a headache than entertainment on any given day.” 

Erwin smiled wryly, not sure whether to be internally wary or amused by the inevitable fact that Levi would now unavoidably become acquainted with the three ladies. The universe was hellbent on throwing blows his way just for the spectacle of observing how long he could endure. 

“I’m sure meetings of the Council keep you more than busy, though.” 

“Thankfully to an extent,” Stephen huffed. “Commander Dawk has been making them more than treacherous with his recent foul moods.” 

“Beyond usual?” 

“Far beyond. He had to repay his father’s gambling debts yet again. It’s a wonder he hasn’t hanged the man himself on trumped up charges of being a societal nuisance and prevailing idiot.” 

“It’s a wonder no one has hanged Commander Dawk himself on  _ legitimate _ charges of being a societal nuisance and prevailing idiot.” 

“ _ Erwin _ ,” Stephen smirked, “you should watch your tongue. Many among the nobility actually  _ like  _ Commander Dawk, or at least approve of him to some extent.”

“No doubt. He is one of your own, after all.” 

“Indeed. How very trite it was for the Military Police to appoint a Mitras born and bred noble to lord over their operations. Still, you should watch what you say. It won’t serve you any good to alienate his allies if you plan to take over the Survey Corps.” 

“What?”

The inquiry was quiet; sudden and abrupt. He stopped, and they were surprised. He stopped, and so did they. 

Levi stood stock still appearing small in the grandeur of Stephen’s winding halls, a crinkle to his brow and a twisting of his lips that left a flurry of confusing emotions sprawled across his delicate features before they shifted and vanished to something unreadable. 

“Oh,” Stephen chuckled with an awkwardness fluttering the light sound, attempting to take control in a situation he did not fully understand. “Well I suppose we can’t be saying anything prematurely, of course. Shadis isn’t gone yet, but I’ve no doubt Erwin will fill his shoes well once he does decide to leave.” 

"Levi, this is nothing more than speculation for—”

“You’re taking over the Survey Corps,” Levi interjected sharply, “… captain,” he added as an afterthought. 

Erwin paused. The boy’s brow was furrowed, his lips pulled and strained almost to the stretch of a grimace. There was uncertainty in his expression, and trepidation and maybe even a bit of anger as he stared at Erwin with a gaze that shone piercingly. 

“As I was saying,” Erwin continued, raising more to his full height and directing his gaze completely to the agitated boy, “this is nothing more than speculation and something that does not concern you.” 

Levi looked as though he wanted to retort, to fight back and fling out all of the reasons why Erwin was wrong, why it did concern him and his life and continued existence. Erwin’s tone left no room for him to do so, though, and the trio continued down the hall once more in a momentarily pinched silence. 

“Did I tell you Lord Bolton is having a ball?” Stephen inquired with a strained cheer, more than aware that something uncomfortable had just occurred but still not entirely sure what. 

“That’s sure to be an interesting affair,” Erwin murmured, and thus the flow of conversation was restored to something lighter and more jovial. 

Erwin was thankful that the first event of the evening involved their long-awaited supper. The sun had long since disappeared below the horizon and the stars had comfortably made a home across the blackened curtain of the nighttime sky. 

The affair commenced with the rather humorous introductions of Levi to the three ladies: the oldest Lady Katherine Latymer and her two nieces Grace and Charlotte Latymer whom the noblewoman treated as daughters due to the untimely death of her own children years before. The girls were perhaps around Levi’s age, perhaps a touch older, and more than thrilled to meet such a gossiped about character full of mystery and intrigue. 

Levi, to put it simply, felt entirely different about his own acquaintance with the young women, but he managed to refrain from at least verbalizing this opinion. 

Meals at a lord’s estate were always an eventful affair in one manner or another. The food had been meticulously prepared to impress, the wine was heady and flowing, and the conversation was filled with trite gossip that never failed to sardonically amuse Erwin. 

Politics entered as a natural, preordained occurrence around half-way through the dinner when the wine had settled long enough to inhibit the senses and the conversation had centered on  _ critiquing  _ the neighbors to the point that it had turned dull. 

“I cannot understand why the king does not have a more direct approach to handling the military,” Stephen declared passionately, setting his glass down with the fierceness of a man entrenched in his opinions. 

“What’s the point,” the eldest Lady Latymer declared with a lazy wave of her gloved hand. “We live in times of peace and we certainly don’t need a militaristic state to infringe upon people’s lives.” 

“I honestly can’t understand why we still have a military,” Charlotte declared. “No offense intended, of course, sirs.” 

Erwin smiled graciously and nodded towards the girl. It could generously be declared that Levi simply frowned.

“The military is vital to the functioning of our society,” Stephen countered in an increasingly evident display of his lacking sobriety. 

“The Military Police, perhaps. But we have the walls to protect us. There’s no need to go beyond them. We have everything that we need here.” 

“Honestly, Erwin. Aren’t you going to defend your own branch?” Stephen asked with a clap on the captain’s back. 

Erwin smirked. “This is one conversation that I’d rather observe, my lord.”

“So you’re willing to throw yourself in front of Titans rather than argue with ladies?” 

“One tends to be more treacherous than the other.” 

The din of laughter filled the dining room as Stephen lifted his glass in mock salute to his friend before downing its contents. 

“Oh, let’s talk about something more interesting,” Grace whined. “Lady Evelyn has informed me that a _certain_ _one_ of Lord Reiss’s maids has suddenly disappeared,” the girl murmured with a distinctive hushing of her voice. 

“Poor Lord Reiss. Having to deal with those  _ accusations,  _ that he fathered a child with  _ that woman _ , the lowborn thing that she is,” Charlotte muttered in a tone to match her sister’s. 

“Rumors no doubt spread because he flaunted the girl around at one too many court engagements,” Lady Latymer said with a willful arch of her eyebrows. “Knowing Rod Reiss they’re all likely true.” 

A chorus of “oh yes” and “indeed” fluttered around the nobility of the table. 

“I feel bad for the man. Having a bastard child to blight his reputation. Truly terrible,” Grace murmured solemnly. 

“I feel bad for the kid,” Levi grumbled, catching every single occupant at the table off guard as he had hardly uttered a word or sound in the last hour. 

Silence saturated the room with an apprehensive tenseness that filled the air with a palpable weight of unease and discomfort. Eyes darted nervously, seats were shifted in stiffly… 

The leadenness was abruptly dissipated with a fervent chorus of “oh yes” and “of course” in the next second. 

“That poor child,” said Charlotte. 

“The poor little thing. Born to such cruelty,” declared Grace. 

“Is it a boy or girl?” 

“Likely a boy.” 

“No, it has to be a girl.” 

“Hopefully it’s a boy.” 

“Yes, hopefully. It would be easier for the little thing.” 

The banter of what the  _ poor child  _ just had to be continued as Erwin turned his gaze to Levi. The boy was near grimacing, or at least something close as he regarded the conversation with a bland sort of disgust. 

“Levi,” Erwin whispered, but the boy’s jaw tightened and he turned his eyes further from Erwin’s line of sight. 

A slight sigh puffed Erwin’s lips as he caught glimpses of Levi’s agitation through the boy’s slightly cracked mask resulting from the evening of noble tedium. He reached out, under the table, and placed his large hand on the boy’s small knee, rubbing soothing circles into the cap. 

Levi stiffened as his eyes widened, his hand a striking serpent grasping at Erwin’s wrist to mangle and twist the bones until the realization that no harm was coming to his form dawned. He slumped in his seat with a quiet huff, resigning to the physical attempt at comfort with a sour side eye. 

\---

He resided in a cage. One of opulence and finery and grandeur, but a cage nonetheless. The sheets were made of the finest silk - they itched at his skin. The furniture was hand-crafted with material that cost more than he would ever see in his life - it was too stiff. The carpet was plush underneath and left the imprints of his unyielding boots in its intricate weavings - it was too soft. 

Levi viewed his reflection in the matlepiece’s attached mirror. His eyes were sunken and washed out, his skin was exceedingly pale and gaunt, his form was shrunken and part-way to emaciation. He remembered the dripping colour of crimson, the ambling red that had prickled Erwin’s palm. The captain said he had broken a mirror for the  _ emotional release  _ of it. Levi was beginning to wonder if he smashed it simply because he did not like what he saw. 

Levi turned from his warped reflection, tugged at the growing strands of midnight hair that clung to his head a touch too long for his facial structure. They needed to be cut lest they become unruly. Furlan used to cut his hair. Levi knew how to, of course, had been doing it on his own since before his tiny, childish hands could properly grasp the honed shears. But Furlan used to do it for him, used to do it for everyone because he enjoyed the monotonous process, the simple clip of the sharpened blades as they snipped away at those defined features and qualities and textures that made each individual unique and distinctive. 

Levi had been alone, or near to it, for so much of his existence that the corroding sting of loneliness bubbling up from the center of his chest and spreading out all the way to his fingers and down to the tips of his small toes was shocking, perhaps even  _ debilitating _ . It pierced him, clung to his skin and hung off his form like an imagined mark of misery that was so disconcertingly visible, so disconcertingly tangible. 

If it was physically possible to push cancerous thoughts away, then Levi was certainly the individual to do it. He turned his back on them, instead abandoning his mind’s eyes to take in the palatial bedroom offered to him for the duration of his stay in Lord Stephen Wald’s ridiculous estate. The space was larger than any abode he had squatted in or later - once his criminal enterprises had gotten underway - paid rent for in the Underground. It was absurd, to say the least. Levi would have been perfectly content with the sofa in the first-floor parlor for the extent of his harrowing stay, and that still would have been the nicest place and piece of furniture he would have ever rested his body on. 

It seemed Lord Wald was determined to play the role of gracious host exceedingly theatrically, though, and thus Levi received his own room complete with a silk-sheeted bed that would go unused, a monstrous fireplace that would not be needed in the many hours of lingering heat that filled the summer days, and entire sets of furniture that could seat upwards of a dozen individuals that would be paid no mind to as Levi despised being around most numbers of people. 

Levi toed off his tight boots thinking upon his long day of trying vexations. It had been a deplorable day, to put it generously. Erwin’s acquaintances were, as expected, unbearable. The captain himself had been so intolerably asinine save for his abrupt abandonment of all cordial pretenses. 

_ I have no desire to hear anything you have to say.  _ Erwin’s own little way of politely telling him to shut the fuck up. How delightfully droll, and long overdue in Levi’s mind. 

A smirk twisted his thin lips, but it naturally wilted and died on his pinched face. Erwin would be taking over the Survey Corps, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but  _ someday  _ he would. Levi had been so blind, so foolish to not have seen it. 

Levi was no stranger to the workings of the world. For all of the questionable and sordid things he was - a conner, a thief, a murderer -  _ naïve _ was certainly not one of them. He knew, intimately, the continued precariousness of his situation on the surface. He did not have citizenship, he had a known criminal background, and it seemed only one man was willing to vouch for his continued existence in a manner that would not end in a long drop with a short stop. 

So naturally he had to wonder what would happen to him when said man inevitably claimed the most  _ political _ and  _ dubious _ position of any military branch. Would it be worth it for Erwin to continue to protect him? Would he even want to waste the time?

Levi stared at the engulfing and debilitating darkness of the enigmatic nighttime through the double-paned window that decorated his room’s western wall. He stared and he wondered. He could escape, he could leave right now and run, somewhere, anywhere that would take him from this doubtful situation. 

It would be difficult, to say the least. He did not have money, provisions, clothes beyond his uniform. He did not even have the proper paperwork to be allowed within the edifices of wall Sina, much less the look of a nobleman. He was only granted entrance because of Erwin. Leaving would be a herculean challenge, but if he could manage, if he could make it past the innermost walls to Rose territory, then he would be free, or at least further from harm. 

Levi’s skin prickled, his hands twitched with the desire to reach out, to grasp onto the window’s latch and throw it open, to expose his chilled skin to the harshness of the midnight elements and leap from the teetering ledge. The drop wasn’t bad, he’d probably survive, and he was so  _ good  _ at it, so good at running, so good at remaining obscured in the shadows of tempestuous life. 

“I would like to delicately remind you that abandoning one’s post is a crime punishable by death,” a deep and commanding voice sounded somewhere behind him, snapping Levi out of his raging thoughts and bristling every individual needle of hair on his arms. 

Levi’s lips contorted into a rancorous scowl. “Do you not have the ability to fucking knock?” He hissed through clenched teeth. 

“Funny, I recall asking you a similar question in the past.”

Levi turned on his heel away from potential salvation to pierce Erwin with a look devoid of most emotion beyond a flickering contemptuousness that hung somewhere in the back of his eyes. He was perhaps a bit too exhausted for their standard back-and-forth. 

“What do you want, Erwin?” 

“I did want to come and check on you, but now it seems I will also have to stop you from attempting desertion.” 

Levi’s eyes flickered and discerned in the dim candlelight of the expansive space. The slight crimson touch to Erwin’s cheeks did not go unnoticed, the unusual, small sway to his normally pristine posture was noted. Levi’s deep-set scowl twisted to something sardonic and halfway in the realm of a smile. 

“And deny the prevailingly idiotic Commander Dawk the opportunity to have my head?” 

“You would be denying me the opportunity to have your head, actually. Commander Dawk insisted I be the one to dispose of you in the event that you took to your old ways once more.” 

A satirical  _ click _ of Levi’s tongue sounded in the room as he turned from Erwin to take in the ephemeral night sky once more. 

“What a grizzly affair that would be for you, captain. You’d have to get those pristinely clean hands of yours dirty with my depraved bodily goo. I suppose given the vulgar choice between your mantelpiece and Commander Dawk’s, I’d slightly prefer my head resting above yours.” 

“You no doubt find yourself to be witty and urbane.” 

The corners of Levi’s lips twitched up a minuscule amount. “I have to keep myself amused somehow.” 

Levi discerned the slight dip and groan of the fine material of the room’s sofa. He traced Erwin’s path in his mind, from the door, across the overly-plush carpet that would no doubt leave behind the track of his boot prints, and finally up to the lavish furnishings that would hold his lethargic limbs and alleviate some of the stress from his alcohol-riddled brain. 

He imagined the wine coursing through the captain’s veins, the whiskey that no doubt followed the night’s progression beyond mealtime drinks, maybe even a glass or two of botanical-infused absinthe or gin to mark the evening as something jovial and special. 

He imagined the alcohol taking hold of the captain’s system, muddling his comprehension and infusing thoughts of a most debauched nature into Erwin’s brain. What would he do? What would it look like if Erwin severed the rope that was holding him back, tying him down as something respectable and quotidian? 

“By all means, make yourself at home,” Levi smirked to the window, feeling something tumultuous and destructive grip his soul. 

A thick and heady silence clung to the air as Levi experienced the feeling of Erwin observing him, painting his form up and down in lines, curvatures and waves. He wondered what pictures were drawn up in the eye of the captain’s mind, if they were abstract or exact, upright or obscene. 

“You wanted to check on me, captain,” Levi declared as Erwin, for once, was not the one to speak first. His insides were pushed and pulled in an awkward strain of something questionable and pending as he stood with the outward appearance of a man unburdened by the nuisance of emotion. “I have to wonder what kind of checking you intended to do.” 

“Tell me, Levi. Is it just my words you enjoy twisting, warping and flinging back at me, or do you enjoy debasing the words of everyone you come across?” 

“Debasing is a touch harsh, don’t you think?” Levi retorted. 

“Am I not allowed to worry about your well-being?” Erwin countered, shifting around Levi’s sardonic inquiry to get to the heart of the matter. 

“Save your worry for better things.” 

Levi felt himself being scrutinized once more, but it was different this time. Erwin was probing into something beyond his physical form, the deeper part of him that Erwin seemed so hungry to comprehend. 

Levi shifted in his boots, curled his toes, and wondered what Erwin was seeing, wondered if it was something as simple as good and bad. 

“Come here, Levi.”

It was gone again, the layers to his voice, the curtain that veiled his intentions. Everything was left bare before Levi, even if he could not predict a single thing about Erwin. His feet naturally carried him across the room to sit a cushion away from the captain’s side. 

“Relax.”

And Levi’s shoulders instantly loosened. He let his back fall against the scratchy material of the furniture’s woven upholstery. The chemicals in his brain hummed, relishing in something that was so simple to follow and understand. 

“Good, Levi. Thank you,” Erwin murmured, and something in Levi pulsed. “Tell me how you’re feeling. How was your day?”

“My day has been terrible. Mostly because of you,” Levi muttered, his soul completely gripped now. “I’m tired. I despise this city. I despise your friends. And I think this carpet is fucking ugly.” 

“Hmm,” Erwin hummed. “These furnishings were perhaps not the most inspired of choices on the elder Lord Wald’s part.”

Levi snorted drly, relaxing each individual muscle in his sore backside as he waited for Erwin to continue, sensing that the man would. 

“You aren’t required to answer to anyone here but me, Levi. If you need something, you’re to come to me directly. Do you understand?”

Levi shrugged. “That’s easy enough to remember.”

“Good.” 

Levi felt Erwin shift his gaze from staring contemplatively out ahead to watching him once more. He took that as the spur required to look as well, and wintry grey clashed against brilliant blue in the flickering flame of the candle’s dying light. 

“Are you going to stop protecting me once you become commander of the Survey Corps?” Levi asked evenly. 

“I will never stop protecting you.” It was the truest statement Erwin had ever uttered in his life.

Levi nodded slightly and turned his eyes away once again, not out of intimidation or uncertainty, but because he did not feel any competition in the gaze. Erwin could watch him, scrutinize him, and Levi did not feel all that bothered, it felt almost natural. 

“Flagon mentioned to me once that you don’t normally sleep in a bed,” Erwin said to break the quiet that had settled between them.

“The fuck?” 

“Where do you sleep normally, if not a bed?”

“God damn, you’re a weird bastard,” Levi huffed. “I prefer sleeping in chairs.”

“Why?”

Levi jerked his head slightly, something between a shrug and a tilt of his neck, as if the memory necessary was surfacing to elaborate his answer. 

“Have been for as long as I can remember.”

“You didn’t have a bed when you were little?”

“My mom used it.”

“You didn’t share?”

“She needed it for clients.” 

Erwin paused for the briefest of moments, the machinations twisting in his mind. “Ah,” he breathed, “I see.”

Levi waited for the displeasure to arise, for those bubbling emotions of guilt and shame, of  _ dirtiness  _ to surface. Something in him felt oddly quieted, though. His body did not react, for once, to the reminder that he was born as a complete mistake in a human cesspool of filth and sin to a woman who likely had a better chance of survival without him around. 

“Well, I won’t disturb you any longer then,” Erwin murmured, pulling Levi from hushed thoughts of his ill-fated birth and childhood. “Get some rest,” he said, his arm just long enough to touch, to make that connection. 

Levi’s eyelids fluttered shut, and he realized Erwin was comforting him, providing him pleasure and release in a way that was so intimate yet lacking in amatory physicality. Those large fingers of his, roughened and calloused, wound through Levi’s hair and massaged his scalp. 

Levi felt exhaustion cling to his limbs abruptly and mercifully. His eyelids drooped, his arms hung heavy at his sides. It was a loss when Erwin pulled away. 

Levi watched as Erwin rose to his feet and left the room. The loneliness tugged lightly at his soul, but it was now mostly quieted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this a different one? I kind of felt like this one was a little different. Rating may be going up soon (like really soon). I'm drawing inspiration from so many other fics that it's hard to know how to pace my own story. I did promise some pseudo dom/sub in the tags, but I'm still trying to wade into those waters. Don't really know. If anyone has any thoughts on it, let me know :)


	9. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words were not needed, not when a gaze was worth a thousand thoughts. Not when a single memory could define a lifetime. The man, with eyes as biting as the steel color they displayed, pushed his companion aside, rudely uncaring, and turned away. Levi understood the message easily, instinctively. The message to come, if he so dared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for how terribly long this one is. Like, teetering on the edge of ridiculous long. Apparently I don't know how to cut off chapters. Also, explicit content, but mostly it's just long.

Once, when Erwin was twelve, his father had sent him out to the market to purchase a loaf of bread to have with their supper, always shared in each other’s company. He had not hesitated to uptake the task, being the dutiful and benevolent son that he was, eager to please and pleased with the world. Along the way he became lost in introspective musings and youthful imaginings that so often filled his cluttered head of overflowing thoughts and ideas, that he failed to notice how soon he had found himself at the bad end of a knife.

The boy had been young, younger than Erwin himself at the time, and so miserable and wretched appearing that it was a wonder someone could look upon his gaunt form and sunken eyes and still declare that he was, indeed, a child and not some haunting specter listlessly wandering the crevices of the Earth. His clothes had hung in rags off of his emaciated form, torn, disheveled, and bare. His trembling hands were almost too small for the knife clenched between them, like a last desperate line of life, thrusted shakily towards Erwin’s chest. 

His first reaction was fear, and then anger, and then resolve. It was as if a light had been switched on in his brain. A synapse had been fired to spring him forth into movement and complete the unconscious goal of action, but it could never be undone. The signal could not travel back down his brain and deep into the dark abyss it had once dwelled, just watching, waiting, biding its time to be awakened and unleashed. It was unending and indestructible, and the course of his life would forever be changed without his awareness or comprehension. 

It was not difficult for Erwin to overpower the boy. He was older, healthier, stronger; he had never felt the bitter sting of hunger or the piercing bite of cold. Calling the Military Police to intervene was a natural course of action, an inevitable outcome to a preordained conclusion. The men had praised him for his bravery, for his loyalty to the crown in keeping the streets safe from the undesirable urchins that lurked in the shadows of depravity and blighted refined society. Erwin had not once considered how the boy would meet a grisly fate in an unceremonious end to an unfortunate life. It was not something that needed to be given thought, because it was the inherent course of things. 

Two years later, those same uniforms, emboldened by the unicorn insignia, were stopping by to haul his father off for questioning in the dead of night. Five days after Erwin would find news of his father’s body in the morning’s paper, the result of an unfortunate and tragic “accident”. The grim warning did not need to be so much as uttered: this is what happens to the undesirables that lurk in the shadows of depravity. 

Morality, Erwin had learned at a tender age in a cruel fashion, was not what could be considered an obligation, but rather it was a luxury. It had taken the innocence of youth viciously snatched away from him for Erwin to learn that harsh lesson.

It had only taken the men before him now to learn the lesson of truth. 

Truth and morality, Erwin quickly understood, were two sides of the same coin. 

Truth is a luxury, because it is always at a disadvantage. Lies are simple, the truth is complex. It invariably has to stick to what actually occurred, a chain of events that is precise and indubitable and absolute. Lies just have to be easy to believe. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Moot points - justifications people use to vindicate their actions and justify their beliefs. In the end it is never what is good or what is right, but what is easiest to digest. 

Erwin learned that from these men, and it was the finest lesson he had ever received in his life. 

“… the state of the southern side of Wall Maria is nothing short of derelict. There is stone weathering and crumbling away right before our very eyes and holes compromising its structure all along…” 

Lies are simple. The truth is complex. Erwin Smith knew this, and so did Dot Pixis. He stood before the twelve venerated men - a council without a king - and spoke the truth; boldly, shamelessly, but most importantly intricately. 

It was a speech involuted and abstruse. Because the wall disintegrating, collapsing and falling apart, was complex. It impacted millions of lives intricately interwoven with the state, with the twelve men who sat before Dot Pixis bored and unamused and almost as aware as the Garrison Commander himself that the agendas had been set and politics argued long before the diplomacy had even commenced. 

When things fall apart, everything becomes difficult, so why not believe the simple lie? After all, who would choose fear over confidence, and destruction over protection? Who would choose to believe that the walls would eventually collapse when it was so much easier to believe that they never would? 

“Does the king frequently not attend his own council meetings?” Erwin asked the woman sitting with spine rigid and muscles tensed next to him. Her austere face was grim, and she provided a grunting huff as an acceptable response and form of communication. Erwin was quite amused. 

“The king hardly shows up to any of his meetings anymore, leaves the lords to squabble feebly amongst themselves while they put on a theatre of pretending to care about the public.”

The captain smiled good-naturedly in response. He always enjoyed going to the theatre, even as a boy. 

Determining his impromptu companion was not one for the intricacies of polite conversation quite as Erwin himself was, he turned his full and commanding attention back to the Commander of the Garrison. The man’s golden eyes glowed beneath a veil of crinkled wrinkles that only became more pronounced the longer he spoke, the more impassioned his desperate and ardent plea became. For a man who knew the future before it had even occurred, he was quite fervent. 

“… with sufficient funds we could divert the efforts of troops stationed in the Shiganshina District from civilian protection to wall reconstruction in the months before winter…” 

The crux of human civilization is bureaucracy, and the crux of bureaucracy is give and take. Something provided for something appropriated. And what is provided and what is appropriated defines a society. Whispers throughout the whole expanse of Wall Rose and Wall Maria murmured that it was no wonder each territory had only four and two lordly representatives respectively, while Wall Sina had six. It was whispered because anything quieter would not have been heard, and anything louder would have been treason. 

Pay raises for high ranking Military Police officials was simple, because why should funds not be given to the people that protect society? Capital for wall reconstruction was complex, because why should funds be given to edifices that have never failed to trap society? 

“There’s no way the Garrison will get even half of the money it is requesting,” the woman next to Erwin muttered, rather unnecessarily. She scowled the way drunks rambled - intensely, profusely, and with no intention of stopping. 

Erwin hummed, a smile dancing on the corners of his lips. “Commander Pixis is so ardent in his declaration, yet he already knows its outcome,” the captain murmured, only mildly intrigued by his own observation. “Is he frequently like this, Captain Brzenska?”

“Rico’s fine,” the woman grumbled through sour lips and gritted teeth. Erwin made note of the name and stored it in a back crevice of his mind. It was as prudent to remember friends, even reluctant ones, as it was enemies. “The Commander has always been an idealist, even when pragmatism was more practical.” 

Erwin himself had never been much of an idealist, largely because opportunism was always so much more advantageous. There was more worth spinning something simple than hoping for acceptance of complicated things. 

“Why are you here?” Captain Brzenska - Rico - suddenly asked sharply, suspiciously almost with narrowed eyes that seemed to bore into Erwin’s very soul only to find nothing there. 

“I have a lordly friend who is representing Wall Rose in his father’s place,” Erwin stated conversationally, nodding towards Stephen sitting amongst the twelve lordly representatives. The lie was rather simple, easy to digest and believe. “And…” he added, almost as an afterthought, “I like things that are useful to me.” His eyes shone, flickered with depths of something fiendish and flame-like as he said this. Rico could not tell quite _what_ he was looking at in particular. 

She determined not to respond. In a world divided between those who were listened to and those who were not, it was as dangerous to be associated with the ones heeded as it was advantageous, depending on what was being said. And Erwin Smith said dangerous things, because they were simple and lies, and they were simple and truths, too. Rico didn’t yet know where she wanted to fall, on which side she wanted to end up. It would eventually cost the lives of comrades dear to her, but that wasn’t until the walls would fall. 

And they would fall, eventually, because the truth always has a way of catching up with us in the end. 

“I was unaware that Wall Maria had become so rugged,” Erwin murmured in that relaxed air of mildly amused placidity that he was so skilled at manipulating. He could have been in battle, or he could have been at afternoon tea. Either way it would not have mattered, because his voice would have been no different.

“Titan’s paw at it all hours of the day. It’s no wonder the thing’s become so worn-down,” Rico muttered blandly. 

Erwin hummed his acknowledgement, his discerning cerulean eyes dancing around the room the way a ballerina dances across a stage: fluid and intentional, with a specific goal in mind. 

“Who is that man?” Erwin asked, his flickering eyes finally halting in their gliding pirouette across the cavernous hall, tracing the outline of a dark man with a dark aura lingering in the depthless shadows, before flickering away again. 

Rico’s steely eyes did not need to budge for her to know exactly who the Survey Corps captain was referring to. 

“Some Reiss lackey,” she grunted, arms folded tight across her rose-marked chest as she continued to study the bureaucratic spectacle before her with unwavering asperity.

“He doesn’t look like much of a humanitarian,” Erwin noted blandly. 

Indeed, he appeared to be a sort of pinnacle for second society - the type of men who shot first and asked questions second, and argued with knives rather than words to quell discord.

“But a good sell sword for a powerful noble family,” Rico countered. 

It was known that in the noble Reiss family, Uri was the profound and earnest pacifist. Nine other members composed the rest of that family, and there was no telling what they were. 

“Perhaps,” Erwin murmured, his burning eyes performing one last sweeping glance, taking in the man’s sharp features - distinctive, gruff, and pale - as he stood off to the side in a manner so unnoticeable, but with a perforating aura that screamed attention. 

And those eyes. Erwin knew those eyes, or something very much like them. His stomach knotted in twisted ropes of weaving uncertainty, and he tucked the tangled mass deep within a crevice of his body for later contemplation. 

He was humored to find that he was being watched, but not in a curious or enthralled manner. It was a bored kind of scrutiny, a half-interest, as if the dark man with the dark aura could not be bothered to care much about his presence, but it at least provided an amusing diversion when the standard events of the morning became too trite and dull. 

Erwin had similar feelings towards the mystery figure himself, and he had to wonder briefly what a Reiss lackey was doing so far from Wall Rose. He never could have imagined that it had everything to do with him. 

The proceedings continued on in their preordained inevitability. Commander Pixis spoke his plight, with brutal honesty and ardent passion, and then returned calmly and authoritatively to the viewing benches to join his grim captain. The aged man provided Erwin an acknowledgement of mildly amused self-possession before turning to the austere woman to converse in whispered tones. His request would be voted on by the twelve lords at the end of the meeting. 

Erwin already knew its outcome. So did Dot Pixis. 

It was from these men that Erwin had learned the lesson of truth, early on in the first days of his burgeoning military career. Truth, like morality, was a luxury and not an obligation. Lies just needed to be easy to believe, and they would thus always be readily digested. 

Erwin utilized this message with every troop formation he sketched and every inspirational speech he sermonized. Give your hearts, give your lives, and it will be worth it, because it will have meant something. It will have made a difference - to the existence of humanity, to the plight of countless lives - and you will crumble and disintegrate a hero. The more inordinate the plight, the more pride we stand to lose if we back down. So we don’t back down, we go out fighting and kicking and screaming until the bitter end. Because who wants to die a tragedy if they can die a hero? Who wants to die useless if they can die worthwhile? 

Erwin has used the lesson of truth time and time again to lead men to their deaths. He used it in the last scouting expedition, and it shattered Fletcher Flagon’s squad. He will use it in the next scouting expedition, in roughly three month’s time, and it will shatter a whole different set of lives. This never bothered Erwin, because he had always known morality was a luxury and not an obligation. 

He had never viewed himself as depraved. Inhumanly resolute, unwaveringly determined, demonically so at times, but never depraved. After all, it took something so profound, something innate and immovable, to continue to hold on when everything told you to give up. And Erwin had been clinging on for dear life so long that he couldn’t even remember a time where his skin wasn’t tearing. Where his nails weren’t ripping and weeping viscous, acrid blood from the burden of grasping so desperately. When his body didn’t bear the weight of scars, both physical and phantom. 

\---

Levi had begun a game with himself to keep his mind occupied in the dragging hours where loneliness wrapped like a blanket around his soul, but he wanted nothing more than to avoid all company. He had started it in the stretching gaps that Erwin had been absent from the lordy estate they had both managed to weasel their way into, or become trapped in, depending on how Levi was feeling on any given day and how he wanted to view it. He found it slightly amusing, if he let himself, that he relied on Erwin for his food, clothes, habitat, _and_ entertainment now, too. Mostly he found it irritating, like a persistent rash prickling his sensitive skin. 

The game consisted of one rule: pick any single item in the honorable and magnanimous Lord Stephen Wald’s abode and speculate how much more it was worth than all of the money Levi had ever made in his life. Illegally obtained revenue, that is. Levi didn’t have an honest cent to his name, and he wasn’t entirely sure anyone was paying him to be Erwin Smith’s dog, also to be referred to as his service to the Paradis military, depending on how Levi was feeling on any given day and how he wanted to view it. 

Levi could ponder over any hand-painted porcelain vase or upholstered silk draping, threaded together one bloody string at a time, for hours on end and never find himself far from a state of mild revelry and grim humor. It was a great way to get to learn the house and avoid the Latymers - any of them. Kenny had always said knowing one’s trodden terrain by heart was the small difference between intelligent and dead, and Levi now knew Lord Wald’s estate better than the scraggly lines on the back of his small hands. Not that he planned to do anything with the information, per se. It was just nice to know he could. If he really wanted to. And some hours he _really_ wanted to. 

Something had gripped Levi’s soul. It was something tumultuous and destructive. Raging like a small spark catching amongst dried, crisp foliage in a warm breeze. It was tiny now, but it would soon be a destructive, blazing forest fire, burning the land bare and leaving nothing but ashes in its wake. He didn’t know how to approach bubbling emotions, because he was entirely too used to keeping all feelings off of the flame. To smothering the fire and depriving the soul of any and all need to perceive and emote and experience. He wasn’t sure if he could anymore, though. 

But old habits die hard, and Levi was determined to throw freezing water onto the flickering flames. It was too soon to experience, too soon to feel and endure. He had just become lonely again, and he didn’t know how to cope with that. And he was just starting to feel something tug like a little string at the back of his soul, that feeling of bonds, twisting and weaving, and of companionship. He didn’t know how to cope with that even more than the loneliness. 

Levi amused himself for hours hiding from Erwin, hoping that Erwin would come looking for him, hoping that he wouldn't. Upset when he did, and upset when he didn’t. But mostly he was hiding from the atrocious Latymer sisters and the oh-so-holy Lord Stephen Wald. That’s what he told himself, and that’s what he stuck with. 

He was currently pondering the validity of giving a fuck in life in an unnecessary back room of Lord Wald’s lavish capital estste, one that was hardly used but furnished like it would be the last room a person stepped in before they met God. He was lying on a plush sofa basked in the burning glow of Mitras, like a lazy cat lounging in the afternoon sun, hands behind head and boots propped up on the armrest. Such behaviors would normally disgust Levi, but he was one to make an exception when the situation permitted. Let it not be said that Levi was unreasonable. 

It was terrible when the door cracked open a touch and his heart physically jumped in his chest, like it just might be trying to climb up his throat and make a dash for it, but it was even worse when Levi saw _who_ was peering in at him. He scowled. Deeply. 

It was with something akin to passionate intensity that Levi let it be known, through actions and expressions alone, that just because Erwin Smith could give a singular fuck about one pompous, charlatan lord that Levi, as his dutiful subordinate, subsequently would too was entirely false. He had a greater desire to watch Stephen Wald choke on his own wine that he loved to gulp down so much than actually befriend the useful and connected man. Lord Wald had other intentions, it seemed. Or he just enjoyed the thrill of angering a tempestuous, mercurial cougar coming off of an insomnia binge. 

“Levi, I was just looking for you,” the man murmured with that practiced politeness, a perfectly fake smile plastered on his thin lips. 

Something in Levi knotted and tangled angrily. Stephen had come looking for him, and that was entirely too vexing for Levi’s stormy state of being. But even worse, if Stephen had come looking for him, that meant he was back from his grandiose theatre performance on the king’s council, and that meant Erwin was too. And Erwin had not come looking for him. 

Levi settled for a nod to the man’s comment as he inched his way into the room, slowly as if he were an uncertain intruder in his own home. Levi made a point of not standing from his supine position, acknowledging the man’s title, or removing his boots from the armrest in any way. It was such a banal and unnecessary pleasure, but sometimes a win was a win, and Levi really needed a win right now. If Stephen was bothered by his behavior, the lord did not say. 

“I am hoping everything with your stay has been satisfactory up to this point,” Stephen mumbled, eyes darting now. He stood awkwardly off to the side of the sofa Levi lounged on. He didn’t quite know where to fit, even if he was the individual who looked far less out of place in the lavish setting. 

Levi wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a joke, but despite his rather _lacking_ people skills, he could mostly tell Stephen was being serious and not intentionally a malfunctioning mechanical inn concierge just for the hell of it. Levi wore poor the way people wore fine jewelry - out in the open for everyone to see, with absolutely no way of hiding it, even if he tried. There was no way he _couldn’t_ have been _satisfied_ with _everything_ Stephen had provided him, because it was so much more than he had ever received in his life. 

“Sure,” Levi grumbled, giving in and rising to a sitting position, mostly because he didn’t enjoy the feeling of the lord looking down on him. 

Stephen, for his part, appeared almost humorously relieved, as if this was the unspoken invitation he had been waiting with bated breath for. He inched his body tentatively onto the cushion next to Levi. One look from the boy and he was scooting a bit further away. 

“If I’m being perfectly honest, I didn’t come find you just to inquire about how you’re getting on,” Stephen replied, hands twisting and clenching in his lap. He got straight to the point, mostly because his attempt at civility had been completely shut down and rejected with one wintry glare and one grim tug of small lips. 

“Go figure,” Levi murmured with blasé sarcasm, the only indicator that he did actually have a personality beneath the ever-present shell of unmitigated annoyance. His face was stony, his posture rigid, as if he were merely enduring Stephen’s existence on the face of the Earth because being bothered by it would be a bit too much effort. 

“Erwin speaks highly of you,” the lord attempted tentatively, hoping (praying a bit, perhaps) that this would be a better course of action. “You two seem to have a very… unique bond.” 

Levi settled for a grunt. Had Stephen accused him of having a bond of any sort with Erwin two days ago, Levi would have given legitimate thought to shooting him. Now he couldn’t help but feel the man was correct, which was even worse. 

“Do you hate him?” Stephen asked suddenly, catching Levi off guard. His tone had become a touch more confident, as if he knew he was wading into murky waters, but he had some sort of idea of just what creatures lurked beneath the deceptive calmness of the surface. 

Levi thought about answering, for a brief moment, but then endeavored not to. Mostly because he was pondering an answer he could not give. He certainly used to hate Erwin. Now he wasn’t so sure. 

“Do you love him?” Stephen continued when Levi did not answer, and he might as well have been asking the boy to take a swan dive out of the window and pray for the best. 

He looked to the lord, and his eyes _burned_. His teeth bared, and something tumultuous and destructive gripped at his soul. 

Stephen did not seem to shrink back from the dangerous animal now before him as he should have, and that made Levi all the more infuriated. 

“I only ask because I want to know your intentions for him,” the lord muttered blandly. 

Levi had some room left in his enraged soul to be offended. _His_ intentions for Erwin? But no one spoke of Erwin’s intentions for him? Because it did not matter when it was just a good for nothing, criminally malignant, sewer rat boy. 

“I have no intentions for him,” Levi replied through gritted teeth, and he might as well have been baring fangs. 

“I don’t believe you,” Stephen countered evenly, staring off unbothered now as he reclaimed his territory and re-established dominance over his space. “He’s always been an enterprising man, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him quite like this before.”

“Like what?” Levi asked reproachfully, hating himself for the curiosity that tugged at him. His nails were almost digging into the fine material of the sofa, one comment away from clawing it to shreds or lying right back down and basking in the warm sun for an afternoon nap. All depending on how those pesky chemicals broiled and churned in his brain. 

“Like the man he was before he joined the military. Who he really is.” 

Levi was taken aback, if only a bit, but he never allowed it to show in the slightest on his still perfectly stony face. He had noticed, perhaps more than anyone, how Erwin had slowly, deliberately begun to work back the layers of his precisely crafted, theatrical and gentlemanly mold, especially in Levi’s presence. What lay underneath was not something particularly nice or polished or pristine, but Levi didn’t need nice. He needed what he could not have, and Erwin, naturally, possessed that. 

“And you think that has something to do with me,” Levi grumbled, already knowing the answer. 

“I think it has everything to do with you,” Stephen replied placidly, uncrossing his legs and rising from his place on the sofa. “And that's not something you can back down from.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he watched the lord’s movements with predatory intent. He understood everything and nothing of what Stephen was saying to him. 

“Why are you telling me this?” There was something grim in Levi’s voice. 

“Because,” the lord said, turning back to glance over his shoulder from his position at the door. “Erwin is a dear friend of mine, and I care very much about the choices he is making.”

Levi’s lips twisted, if just slightly. “I get it. You’re threatening me.” He was a little ashamed that the realization took so long to dawn. He was starting to understand why Stephen and Erwin had ever become friends. 

“You do catch on fast,” Stephen responded with sardonically twisted lips of his own. “Then again, he said you were intelligent.” 

With that, the lord was gone, and Levi was left to mull over his words. It provided a better distraction than waiting incessantly or massacring his bottom lip. He laid back, slung his feet up onto the armrest once more, and settled in. He’d have to move soon; he had no doubt Stephen would reveal his location if given the opportunity, but that could come in a few moments. 

Despite the rather ardent preachings of the recently deceased Fletcher Flagon, Levi was actually quite a simple man, or at least one that could be persuaded to be simple for the right motivations. As any man would, Levi craved what he could not have. And he despised with a burning passion. 

What Levi despised most in a world of sordid and depraved rules of relationships and existence was disorder. Chaos as it were - senselessness and a lack of control. He craved control, yet the very nature of his birth and life had snatched such venerated things away from him in a cruel and unrelenting fashion. Like the spiteful hand of an uncaring parent snatching away the favorite toy of a small child.

It could be declared that the crux of human civilization is bureaucracy, and the crux of bureaucracy is give and take. Levi was starting to see that the crux of relationships was give and take too, and he was just beginning to piece together what Erwin had to give. What he couldn’t figure was if he was prepared to give too, for the unquenchable desire to take. 

It was truly an awful thing: being reliant on others. 

\---

Someplace where music hummed like the call of angels and wine flowed like the rivers of paradise a dark man with a dark aura stood - watching, waiting, biding his time. Flutters of laughter and chimings of conversation sounded like the pesky chirps of an overeager bird in the back of his mind. His thoughts were clouded by swirling faces and shrouded memories submerged in something dark and tumultuous. He was the sort of man who shot pesky birds that could not figure when to keep their bothersome beaks shut, but he rather unfortunately found himself in a position where this _standard_ course of action would be more troublesome than productive. 

Flirtatious couples passed arm in arm as they swept theatrically onto the dance floor, overcome by the rapture of revelry and wholly unbothered by the dark man with the dark aura who wished them nothing but harm and a lifetime of suffering and sorrow. He amused himself by picturing a fire, vividly in the front of his mind until the very thought physically blazed his eyes of burning iridescence - sometimes grey, sometimes blue. 

He imagined the spark, the ignition and the flames bursting forth as if sprung from the very depths of hell to punish the sinners for their degeneracy, to finally bring forth that long-awaited Second Coming that would bathe the Earth in rivers of flame and bury the land in fields of ash. If society needed a bit of cleaning up, then he saw this as the finest place to start. 

A cruel smile twisted the man’s lips into a malicious sneer. He could _hear_ it - the screams of anguish, the shrieks of terror. Of ladies tripping over their gowns of supple silk in a mad dash to escape the torment of judgement. Of lords pushing their wives and brothers out of the way in a desperate attempt to abscond from peril. He could _see_ it - the tears streaming down faces, the clothes ripped and the fleshy skin charred and burnt. What he wouldn't give to experience those things, to be a touch less _bored_ , if even for a brief and fleeting moment. But he had made a promise to the only man he cared to make promises to, and thus he kept the evocative imaginings locked tightly away inside his head, vivid enough to entertain but subdued enough to remain as mere desires in an evening of trite festivity. 

He waited in the hanging shadows - a silent predator on the prowl. His eyes were as discerning as a hawk’s and his feet as nimble as a cat’s. His left hand discreetly played with the blade resting heavy in his pocket, his fingertips teasing its sharp edge as he imagined the cold steel plunging into warm flesh and leaving crimson spurts of blood tumbling forth the way paint tumbles down a hanging page. The body was his canvas to curve and decorate in beautiful lines of red. Anyone would do, normally. But not tonight. Tonight there was a specific form he wanted to paint, a specific body he wanted to carve and decorate in the precious substance of life. 

He would get his wish. 

His skin was pale, his form tall, yet he seemed to blend naturally into the murkiness of night. As if he had an understanding with darkness and they had managed to become one through many years spent in each other’s company. The icicle shards of the grandeur chandeliers hanging high overhead observed with a placid passivity as their glimmering shades sparkled the iridescence of a rainbow. They had a solitary way of showing the prettiest and ugliest of things that reflect in the world, their prism shards distorting the best and worst features of man until what was truth was all that was unveiled. 

But he could not be seen - not in the reflections; not in the shards. Was it when man looked into a mirror and could not see his own reflection that he was a devil or a god? This man did not know, but he wanted to find out. 

He was a yielding and deferential observer to the evening’s merriment. He did not light fires, he did not spark flames, and he did not paint errant bodies in the crimson of judgement. And he could not be punished for the debauchery in his head, especially not when his smile had become so delightfully inviting, so drolly acquiescent. 

“Excuse me, sir,” a tentative voice called, barely working up the courage to produce the waves of sound that escaped her prettily painted lips. “Would you like to dance?” The girl asked with childishly wide eyes and wavering assuredness. 

He looked to her with bored detachment. Her small stature, bouncing curls, unblemished skin; a mundane display of opulence and finery draped all across her youthful form. Her hair was dark and thin and it reminded him of another woman with a petite shape and midnight hair. He was almost amused. 

His answer came slowly and unbothered. He was not here to play gentleman, and he was certainly no sir. He let his steely, sharp eyes dance in gliding pirouettes across the cavernous hall. They floated up and down decorations and across painted forms. 

Finally, at the western entrance opened like the gates to heaven, his eyes landed upon his desire; his target and his goal. The boy was small, with raven hair that fell a little too long on his sharp facial features and pale skin that seemed to glow ethereally in the distorted light of the crystal chandeliers. The deep green cloak decorating his petite form boldly displayed wings that gave him the appearance of a mythical bird grounded in the tedium of Earth. 

Next to the small boy stood a man much larger in stature and grander in appearance, despite his exact clothing and decorated wings to match the boy completely. His large hand swept into the boy’s hair briefly to push it out of his wintry eyes, but the movement was too deliberate and indicative to be coincidence. The boy did not stiffen, he did not grow rigid by the sudden and unexpected touch. Instead he appeared vexed as he looked up towards the tall man and muttered something that brought a wry smile to his companion’s full lips. 

Hungry adoration lightened azure eyes as the man brought his hand up to crinkle a strand of the boy’s midnight hair between his fingers before he pulled away and walked off in the opposite direction. The boy watched him go, looking a touch uncertain and even more vexed as his eyes moved to sweep across the crowded room. Visible displeasure curled his lips. 

The dark man with the dark aura pulled his eyes back to the young woman waiting in rapt expectation next to him. His lips curled into something wicked and fiendish, but she hardly noticed. 

“I would be delighted to dance with you,” he sang with all of the appearance of a well-bred gentleman. His left hand slipped into his pocket to fiddle with his honed blade while his right hand slipped into the young woman’s gloved one and he led her onto the dance floor. 

He did not begin to enjoy himself until his steely eyes locked with wintry ones, and thunder bellowed and boomed somewhere off in the distance. 

\---

“You do not need to be so uneasy. I will be with you the entire night.”

“No you won’t.”

Levi let his wintry eyes, brimmed with redness and fatigue, fall shut as something pounding and pulsing battered at the base of his skull. His head ached and his stomach filled with unease and nausea. He could not be sure if that was from having too much or too little wine before they had set out on their long, rickety journey through the Sina countryside, but he was certain there was not enough alcohol in the world that could get him through this evening pleasantly. 

“But I will be near you.” 

Levi’s lips twisted as he allowed his tired eyes to open to the glow of the sinking sun once more. He pierced the blonde captain with a stare that left no room to doubt just how he felt about the man’s comment. Erwin stared back unbothered, meeting his gaze in quiet expectation of what his unpredictable companion would do next. 

Levi resisted the tugging urge to curl up in his seat and attempt sleep, or slide in next to Erwin and attempt to throttle him. Both were equally enticing opportunities that would likely end in disappointment. Erwin was as good at evading death attempts as sleep was at evading Levi. And there was only so much disappointment one could take in life before giving into the punches being thrown. 

“You look nice.” 

Levi suppressed the smirk growing like a storm to stretch his lips. Tactics were shifting, it seemed. 

“I’m wearing the exact same shit you are,” he deadpanned, eyes wandering away so that the captain could not see the glow in them. 

He amused himself by observing the distortion of his reflection in the pane of the jostling carriage’s window. He briefly considered smashing the glass just for the hell of it. To feel what Erwin felt. 

“Tell me, Levi, do you despise all compliments, or is it just mine specifically that you find so unappealing?” 

“I’ve never asked for your compliments,” the boy replied quietly, almost dreamily as he sat mesmerized by his own distorted form, the musings of what a devil ought to look like filling his small head. Could a fiend be so little and wretched and unimposing? 

“Yet you take them so gracefully,” came the blasé reply. 

Levi provided Erwin a stare as piercing as ice, his eyes returning to ponder the captain with a detached sort of half-interest that peeked into the depths of his swirling thoughts. He experienced the feeling of Erwin observing him somewhere in the back of his clouded mind. It made something crawl up the base of his spine like the creeping scuttle of a spider’s spindly legs. A slight grimace tugged his lips - he was not a fan of arachnids, neither the appearance nor feeling of them. 

“Why do I have to be here?” 

“Because you are useful to me.” 

Levi made no attempt to halt the twist of his lips this time around. Erwin stared back with equal parts provocative challenge and sardonic amusement. As if he were willing Levi, daring him to find fault in his candid answer. Levi could not. Blue painted grey as grey painted blue. The dim light from the dying sun dipped in and submerged their surroundings in ethereal shadows. 

A pulse pounded Levi’s skull to match the beating of his uncertain heart. He let his eyes fall closed and his head fall back onto the cushioned seat, his arms instinctively crossing over his stomach to form a protective barrier to his vulnerable middle. He felt physically ill as restless flutterings wracked his unsettled gut, but he refused to breathe a word of his trepidation and unease. Vulnerability was a weakness he refused to be subjected to, openly at least. 

“Relax, Levi,” Erwin whispered, and it was with careful consideration and contemplation that the boy finally decided to let his arms fall away and rest at his sides, to let his head fall back into a more comfortable position and expose his throat and jagged trachea under pale, stretched skin. 

It was a funny feeling - feeling defeated. But he wasn’t entirely sure if this was defeat. Resting in ease and comfort could, perhaps, be completely normal and commonplace, but he wouldn’t know. 

Levi was roused from his state of partial slumber when the monotonous _clip clop_ of the horses’ hooves suddenly halted and dissipated in the now stilled and oddly silent air. He peeked his eyes open, not enjoying the strange quiet or the thump that renewed with vigorous intensity against the curves of his battered skull. 

A sigh as heavy as the world escaped Levi’s lips. He was starting to wonder if there was even a single damn good thing about remaining amongst the living, especially when the living forced him to make appearances at trite parties held by banal lords. 

“You look so peaceful when you sleep,” Erwin murmured, opening the carriage door and stepping out into the lingering heat of the evening air with a slight stretch of his long limbs. 

“Fuck off,” Levi grumbled, ignoring the outstretched hand offering him assistance getting down and instead leaping nimbly out onto the paved road. “And don’t watch me when I sleep,” he huffed, pushing past Erwin’s wide smirk and twinkling eyes. 

Being met with the sight of Lord Stepehn Wald and the three Latymer ladies was perhaps worse than if he had allowed Erwin to help him down. There was a smirk on the lord’s lips that Levi so passionately wanted to punch off of his stately face. His newfound and begrudging respect for the lord did nothing to quell his desire to knock the man’s teeth out. 

Levi was so preoccupied with his own misery that he hardly noticed Erwin pushing lightly past him to join his friend. It was too late when Levi realized that meant he would be stuck escorting the three ladies in. His glare cut like a knife into the back of Erwin’s perfectly groomed blonde head of hair, and he had an inkling the man could _feel_ the gaze, though Erwin gave no indication of caring much about Levi’s presence or his burgeoning desire to see the captain perish in front of him. 

Determining that grunting was better than cursing any single syllable anyone uttered to him this evening, Levi settled for begrudgingly standing an arm’s length away from his current house companions and following them inside with the miffed air of a rather violent baby cougar. He occupied his tempestuous mind with imaginings of a small spark igniting one of the gaudy drapes hanging lazily over sweeping paned windows that decorated the lavish estate’s main ballroom. Levi had never been one for arson, but the thought fluttered into and out of his mind briefly as he contemplated manners in which he could escape the evening’s events. 

He acknowledged Erwin’s return to his side with a grim tug of his lips that contorted his petite features into something dour and forbidding.

“You did that on purpose, you blonde bastard,” Levi hissed, clenching his fists tightly at his sides. 

“Must we really re-address how you are to refer to me?” 

“Does Captain blonde bastard work for you, then?” 

“I suppose it does meet the stipulations I provided you,” Erwin murmured blandly, more preoccupied with providing polite smiles and little nods of his blonde bastard head to passing nobility. 

Levi could feel the shell reforming around him once more, like the crystalline structure of a caterpillar’s cocoon molding to hide away the truest nature of the creature’s form. Erwin’s genial and affable mask was in place so perfectly and so pristinely that Levi wanted nothing more than to take a sledge hammer and hack away until the accursed thing was shattered in millions of pieces and beyond repair. 

It was almost a blessing when Erwin’s calloused fingers ran through his midnight hair to push the growing strands out of his stormy eyes. It was something familiar and true, the complete opposite of everything happening as a cacophonous and overwhelming din around Levi. 

“We should have cut your hair before we left,” Erwin murmured quietly, stroking at Levi’s small scalp before pulling his hand away once more. 

“Too late now,” the boy muttered blandly. 

There was a pause as Levi stood rigidly at Erwin’s side experiencing the radiating heat from the captain’s formidable body flickering to his own form. He wanted nothing more than to be closer and further from that grounding feeling of warmth clinging almost desperately to his small body. 

“Lord Bolton is an extremely affluent gentleman with many notable relations and connections. It is an honor for anyone to be invited to one of his engagements, and I expect you to keep that thought in mind as you represent the Survey Corps this evening.” 

“No shit,” Levi grumbled acerbically. “The man must shit gold for fuck’s sake,” he muttered, casting his aggrieved gaze up to Erwin. 

A wry smile pulled Erwin’s lips as he reached to take a strand of Levi’s midnight hair and crumple it between his roughened fingertips. Somewhere within him Levi felt a tug of humor; Erwin was legitimately bothered by having forgotten to cut his hair, it seemed. He crushed the feeling into a tight little ball and pushed it deep down into his gut, though. He refused to feel amused when he was so overwhelmed - angry, and unsure, and lonely. 

Erwin looked as though he wanted to say something. It was building on his tongue, parting his lips, but he turned at the last second. Turned away and left Levi to his own devices. Levi wasn’t sure he could forgive the captain for that. If he could forgive himself for being so curious, for wanting to know what thought had formed in Erwin’s head and built on his tongue before abruptly being wilted and erased. 

He glanced warily around the cave-like room of opulent grandeur. It was filled to the brim with laughter and merriment and noise. Levi despised crowds. He despised feeling trapped. Despised feeling pushed and pulled by the sporadic and sudden movements of others. His senses lit to high alert, perking like the perceptions of a wary animal scoping potential threats. The radiant glow of the chandeliers hanging high overhead blinded his wintry eyes as the din of sound pounded against his fragile eardrums and drilled holes into his battered skull.

A feeling of physical illness gripped Levi’s stomach. His insides sloshed and churned unpredictably as the sharp sting and repugnant taste of bile burned up his throat and pooled sickeningly in his mouth. Levi almost gagged and coughed, doing his best to push the repulsive fluids back down into his broiling gut. 

“A lovely evening, don’t you think?” A voice called somewhere next to Levi’s side. He could hardly tell anymore. His head ached and his skull pounded with the incessant beat of an imagined drum sending wave after wave of unwanted stimulus down his rigid spine.

“No, not really,” Levi practically gasped, doing his best to keep oxygen actually entering his lungs and performing its proper job at keeping him alive and upright. 

A sardonic chuckle sounded somewhere in his right ear. The sharp smell of alcohol barraged Levi’s nose, and he almost gagged again. 

Levi turned to look upon the man who had addressed him. He was aged and stately, with glowing eyes and crinkling wrinkles. He was also quite intoxicated, though Levi got the distinct impression this was a frequent state that helped more than hindered his abilities. Thorned roses adorned his broad chest, and through simple process of elimination Levi figured this was a Garrison soldier. He was not amused. He really did not like the military, even if he had somehow managed to find himself as a permanent part of it. 

“You don’t look like the kind of man who would enjoy himself in such a setting,” the stranger smiled affably, further crinkling his abundant wrinkles as he gestured vaguely to the lavish ball around them. 

“Gee, what would make you think that?” Levi grumbled, really hating that he had made a personal promise to limit his profanities for the evening. It was said that misery loved company, but Levi despised most forms of gatherings. 

“Well, you look like you might be sick, for starters,” the man replied, perfectly conversational, without a touch of consternation for Levi’s degrading and precarious state. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Levi snapped, already tiring of this conversation. He had tried. He really had. 

“I was just curious.” And there was an awful twinkle in his golden eyes. That terrible one that Erwin constantly had. The one that declared provocatively that he _knew_ something. That he knew because he had gone through the trouble of picking out every strength, weakness, and aspect of a man’s character and countenance for the sole purpose of knowing what others did not. 

“I’m really not that fucking amusing, I can assure you,” Levi growled, a rational back corner of his tumultuous mind hoping that this solider was not an esteemed or important individual. The fact that he had survived to ancient in a career in the military did not bode well for those wishes, however. 

“I’ve no doubt,” the man murmured with that unwavering little smile of his, golden eyes shining in their aged sockets. “I was merely curious about the man Captain Smith staked his entire career on.” 

Levi would have growled, if he had been given the chance to. It felt like a provocation, daring and direct, but the man was turning away in the next second, walking off towards the other end of the hall. Leaving Levi standing irked and perplexed awkwardly near its entrance. 

A huffing sigh escaped Levi’s lungs. He glanced to Erwin, finding the man relaxed and unbothered as he floated between groups with ease and grace, the air of a true and proper gentleman about him now. Levi wanted nothing more than to leave, to curl up and hide in the darkness where everything was more certain and comfortable. The lights were far too bright, far too exposing. But he was nothing if not exemplary, and pride alone prevented him from cowering. 

Levi prodded around the vast room like a restless cat in a sealed cage. Erwin wanted to charm money out of these accursed lords, ladies, dukes, and marquises for the plight of the Survey Corps, but Levi had never done something so morally questionable so out in the open before. He would have felt better slitting their purses and calling it a day - there was no need for theatrical performances if one had a sharp knife and a quick hand. Erwin had made it rather clear, in no uncertain terms that is, that that particular course of action would not be tolerated in the evening’s tedium, and thus Levi was left feeling peculiar and out of place, like a strange humanoid in the presence of gods. 

Levi dodged floating forms and curious eyes like a sinner evading the hand of the devil. A pounding pulsed and thrummed like a vibrating string in his head, the corners of his vision filling with black dots and brightened lights. He cursed Erwin, cursed the room, cursed about anyone and anything he could think of silently in his tempestuous head, but his veins suddenly froze and filled with ice. 

Shock had a profound and unpleasant impact on the body. It was immediate and severe, overcoming an individual with agitation and fatigue that could physically deteriorate organs and shut down the body’s vital systems. Had Levi been more of the belief that he could actually be debilitated by such critical conditions, he would have realized that the immediate paling of his skin, bluing of his lips, and expanding of his pupils was cause for serious concern. 

It was as if every structure and network in his petite body was going into overdrive at once. Adrenaline permeated and polluted his veins, turning his legs to lumps of wobbly jelly seconds from giving out on him. His heartbeat pounded like the monotonous beating of a sinister drum in his ears, thrumming vibrations all the way down to the tips of his toes. 

Levi caught his own body, though just barely, as he experienced the panic of almost collapsing in a crowded hall somewhere outside of his own being. It was dazed and dreamlike, as if he were observing the scene of himself standing and shaking in the noisy din of noble festivities somewhere above the sequence taking place. He felt oddly quieted in the span of milliseconds, an odd silence taking over his body, not unfamiliar nor unwelcome. 

Words were not needed, not when a gaze was worth a thousand thoughts. Not when a single memory could define a lifetime. The man, with eyes as biting as the steel color they displayed, pushed his companion aside, rudely uncaring, and turned away. Levi understood the message easily, instinctively. The message to come, if he so dared. He knew to follow. There was not an option that would have been given.

Levi watched himself move in slow motion, somewhere up above where his consciousness now resided, and he felt it even more measured and unbothered. He watched himself move forth, cross the ballroom and slip through an opposite exit leading further into the estate. He watched himself follow the man, and he also felt it, because it was what he was doing. 

Vaguely, Levi realized that he knew this feeling. It was duplicate to the one that he experienced first allowing Isabel to raid merchant caravans in the Underground, when he first held a blade, and he slit his first throat. The all-encompassing, squeezing agitation and fear, and then the terrible calm that followed. The serenity of knowing that there was no point in fearing the outcome when you could not back down. When returning was a luxury and a chosen progression of life no longer an option. 

The dark and eerie corridor was like the eye of a raging storm, quiet and collected amongst a circle of madness. The man existed in shadows, disappeared and reappeared at whim and will, but so did Levi. He was the same. His feet took him where he needed to go, because the hairs on his arm prickled and pointed in the correct direction. Levi found himself in an empty study, the ethereal glow of the moon bathing the space’s furniture in beams of ephemeral light. 

The man emerged, as he had been born, from the shadows. A sneer twisted his lips cruelly. Words were not needed. Not when a gaze was worth a thousand thoughts and a memory defined a lifetime. There was a challenge in his eyes, a note that this would have to be done quickly and mercilessly. They both had people to get back to, people to please. The fact that only one of them would was not worth consideration. 

The glint of silver steel shimmered in the basking light of nighttime. Levi pulled out his own blade hidden in his belt behind his cloak. He had never stopped carrying one. Never would. His muscles tensed in rigid expectation. He crouched low, tucking his limbs in and making himself as small a target as possible. 

Levi could hear the distinctive clangor of steel clashing on steel, but it sounded muffled and odd somewhere in a back crevice of his mind, as if his ears were hearing the sound distorted through a thick wall. He pushed his senses, strained his body to listen harder, to perceive further. But he couldn’t. There was something holding him back. Physically choking him at the neck. Levi gasped and spluttered, and the noise thrummed loud and distinguishable in his ear canals. 

It was then that he realized the steel clashings he had heard were only imaginings in his mind, but the choking was cruelly real. His collar was pressing mercilessly against his trachea as his clothing was held back with a gripping force. Levi coughed and spluttered, the cutting bite of the fabric teasing his airways, blocking them shut in one second and allowing little tumbles of oxygen in the next. 

“Go,” a cold and commanding voice hissed, and Levi's brain was slow to realize the order was not directed to him. 

The dark man with the dark aura that stood before him so calm and unbothered sneered, his lips stretching with snake-like maliciousness. Anger attacked Levi’s soul. He did not want the man to go, he did not want this to end so abruptly. There was a lifetime that needed to be atoned for, repentance that needed to be paid. He struggled and thrashed as the man’s steely eyes shone wickedly in the moonlight, a provocative wink fluttering his heavy eyelids as he slipped past and out the door, not a word uttered or a word needed. 

Levi felt the hand release his collar. The fabric slipped away, leaving only the stinging bite of red welts behind to symbolize its impact. He instinctively reached to feel the skin on his neck, to check his airways that pushed oxygen painfully though his irritated throat. 

He turned, cautiously and crouched, as if preparing to leap forwards or backwards at a moment’s notice, to meet the gaze behind him. It was burning and blue, fire and ice uniting to blaze a storm of frozen fury. The threat frazzled Levi’s nerves. He clenched tighter the silver blade still grasped in a death grip in his small hand, stretching the skin gaunt and pale over his protruding knuckles and thin bones. 

Erwin sensed the provocation immediately, allowing his shoulders to sag slightly from their rigid position as he instead chose to step around the boy and walk up to the sweeping window behind a cluttered mahogany desk. His ice-fired eyes stared out contemplatively as Levi waited with stilted breath for Erwin to break the intense silence as palpable as the audible lack of sound. 

“Tell me, Levi,” Erwin began quietly, his voice intentionally growing louder with each uttered syllable. He never reached a yell, though. His voice only thundered and boomed softly. “Are you really so terrified of appearing vulnerable in front of me?” 

Slowly, millimeter by millimeter, Levi unclenched his muscles, stretched his limbs to stand from his crouched position. It was with great personal effort that he placed the blade back in its spot under his belt.

“Did we not establish that if you were to require anything you would come to me?” Erwin continued, terribly calm, conversational almost as he stood relaxed with his back mockingly turned to the agitated boy. 

Levi gritted his teeth, forced his body to still and relax in hopes that it would quell any attack building in his strained and over-oxygenated muscles. His nails dug little half-moons of red into his palms as he clenched his hands so tight it was a wonder his fingers did not pop and snap. 

“Just say what you want to say,” Levi hissed, despising how Erwin was goading, moving him into position so he could attack precisely and mercilessly at every overwhelming thing plaguing Levi’s soul. 

“You should have told me,” Erwin stated, his voice now deceptively composed as he worked forcefully to keep it even, “that you were feeling ill, that you were being threatened.” 

Anger bubbled over in Levi’s stomach. It gripped him and consumed him, quelled any reasonable reaction and destroyed any rational thought. Why did Erwin demand to know him when all Levi wanted was to remain anonymous? When it was the last desperate thing left he desired in life. 

“I’m not ill and I wasn’t being threatened,” Levi bit back, the lie forming and flowing so easily from his chapped lips. “I just hate it here and I hate you for bringing me.” 

Erwin turned slowly to face him, his expression calm and his eyes blazing. He appeared so terribly unbothered, but his gaze might as well have been lighting a fire to the room and letting it burn everything to ash and dust. Levi felt a shiver chill his spine, his palms clammy and neck wet with perspiration as everything suddenly felt a touch too warm and too cold. He could feel, could perceive something deep within Erwin rumble and churn where the demon that was his true face slept. 

He stalked forward slowly, his long limbs moving with startling amounts of stealth and grace as he prowled the room like a great beast prowls on a hunt. Levi felt small and vulnerable in that gripping gaze. He despised that it was exactly how Erwin wanted him to feel, that he was so utterly enthralled in another person’s aura and control that he could hardly help the state which he had been reduced to. 

Erwin stopped right before the boy and did not look at him, but looked down on him, from his towering position above Levi’s small form. 

“I have only ever asked one thing of you,” Erwin continued, as if there had not been a pause in their conversation that had sucked every last remaining molecule of oxygen out of the air. “That you trust me. And you do not. You don’t even try to.” 

Erwin took another step forward and Levi backed instinctively, his body immediately agitating from the disruption to its personal space. The further Erwin stalked forward the more Levi was forced to flee. His feet padded in quick, careful steps across the bristly rug until he could escape no further, until he felt the small of his back hit the sofa’s armrest and he knew running was no longer an option. 

Every muscle in Levi’s body stilled and tensed as Erwin reached down, slowly and intentionally with eyes blazing fire, to place his roughened palm flatly on Levi’s small stomach, the heat radiating out from the calloused skin and striking the boy’s toned and sinewy middle through his thin, white shirt. Levi’s chest heaved and his breathing quickened, like he was running hard and fast even though he was so completely still. 

“I don’t care if you hate me, Levi,” Erwin murmured softly, moving his other hand up to the boy’s tilted chin. He gripped it lightly, but the feeling was there, and it was all Erwin’s to direct and control. “But I need you to trust me. Why do you not want me to help you with your problems?”

His face was close, his features defined and sharp and glowing in the ethereal light of the pale moon. He appeared more god-like than human in that moment. His scent was light and earthy, his eyes burning and blue, like sapphires glimmering in the sun. 

“Because I don’t trust you,” Levi said calmly, answering Erwin’s inquiry with composure and ease that completely dichotomized the heaving of his breath and the adrenaline coursing through his perforated veins. 

The wild palpitations of his heart had almost halted, though. He felt strangely calm and unsettled all at once, as if his body had been thrown into a volatile maelstrom and flung helplessly around, yet the event was so preordained and inevitable that it had become laughably expected. 

“I need you to trust me, Levi. I need you to trust me to help you,” Erwin said quietly, his fingertips brushing along Levi’s sensitive skin to stroke lightly at his jaw.

“Why should I?” Levi murmured, and there was no malice in his even tone, only question and provocation in his wintry eyes. “You’re a perfectly awful bastard.” 

“Because I am the perfectly awful bastard who is on your side.” 

“Why?” Levi asked with eyes narrowed and body so completely aware of the warmth radiating from Erwin’s hand on his stomach and fingertips on his jaw. 

The smallest of smirks twisted Erwin’s lips. “You already know why.” 

Levi was no longer sure if words were even able to be produced now. The air felt paper thin and burdeningly heavy all at once. His chest heaved but his soul was so terribly calm. As if he understood everything and nothing of how he found himself. The revelation was not terrifying, but it was final. Just like those split seconds before a blade cut a throat or a fifteen-year-old cut a caravan full of goods. There was no going back, not when returning was a luxury and the choices, whether willingly or not, had already been finalized. 

He looked into those deep eyes of startling blue and knew what he was being asked to give up. Whether or not it had been worked for or earned, deserved and merited, was not something he could consider in the moment. He breathed in and could feel that warm, earthy scent deep inside of him, curving around his soul and decorating his form. There was no option left but to try, and trying would be the most arduous task he could ever face. 

“I need you to be silent and still,” Erwin murmured, terribly calm, his fingertips stroking softly and tenderly. Levi regarded the man with an almost bored expression, as if he couldn’t quite fathom what was taking Erwin so long to shed his final layer of concealing skin. To reveal the demon that existed as his true face beneath. “And I need you to keep your hands down.” 

Levi raised a vaguely half-interested eyebrow. “My hands?” 

That touch of a smirk fluttered across Erwin’s lips once more. “I don’t want you disheveling my hair.” 

Levi scoffed. “Goddamn blonde bastard pretty boy,” he grumbled under his breath, wondering for a moment if Erwin was going to close the final gap that existed so tantalizing between them and kiss him. But the man didn’t, and Levi supposed that really wasn’t the point of this. 

Levi watched on with an almost placid indifference as Erwin sank to his knees and brought his calloused hands to his belt. His eyes traced lines and patterns in the blonde strands across the crown of Erwin’s head, picturing the man’s calm and focused expression in his mind as those large hands moved dexterously to undo the intricate claspings of his belt. His weight rested partially between his legs and the armrest of the sofa, his breathing slowing as his mind cleared and his body waited patiently for what would happen next. 

His flaccid cock appeared oddly pinkish and overly lumpy in the lavish room decorated in bold colors and sharp curves. Erwin’s touch was as controlled as his expression was calm. He looked down, but it was almost as if he was seeing something that Levi could not. As if he was looking not at what he was doing, but at what he would do next. Levi supposed that was the tactician in the man. He had probably already planned at least three steps ahead in whatever expedient scheme he had designed in his mind from the moment that they had met. 

Erwin’s fingertips gripped lightly at his soft, flushed flesh, but their warmth was excruciating. It mixed with the oddly cool touch to the air that enveloped Levi’s sensitive skin and frazzled his sparked senses. Levi could feel Erwin’s heartbeat through his fingertips, light and languid, and his own heart’s palpitations synced to beat in time, light and languid too. 

Levi was gone with the first lick to his tip, long and precise and slow. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and his neck tilted sideways, like it had been ages since he had felt something so pure and raw. His hands jerked naturally to reach for Erwin’s pristinely groomed hair, but he forced them down with willpower alone to rest on the man’s shoulders. His nails dug in mercilessly to the captain’s warm, soft skin separated only by a thin layer of white cloth. Erwin showed no signs of caring as he took Levi’s entire length into his mouth, effortlessly and unhurried. 

Erwin gripped Levi’s cock at the base with his lips and moved his head back leisurely, his tongue flicking to the warm underside and tracing a path down the long vein that bulged with the stiffening of Levi’s member. He teased the slit with his tongue long enough for Levi to start thinking that a God did exist and there was meaning to life before circling the muscle back round to lick up from tip to base so effortlessly. Levi’s jaw dropped open in astonishment as he fought to keep every scream and curse tightly locked away deep inside his chest. 

His body could have collapsed, if Levi would have let it. But he remained so pristinely still, so pristinely silent that not even the sounds of his ragged breaths could be heard in the dark room. Erwin bobbed his head, up and down, slow and sinful, and the only signs that Levi was completely falling apart could be seen in his death grip on Erwin’s shoulders and the now almost unnatural tilt to his neck. Erwin pulled back with a lewd _pop_ of his lips that rang cacophonously in the stilled air as Levi’s cock leaked fluids that dripped from the man’s lips and chin. 

“I need you to breathe, Levi,” Erwin said calmly, lowering his head once more to kiss lightly at his weeping tip. 

Levi nodded haphazardly, bringing his hands up to tangle into his own raven-black hair as his entire length became lost in Erwin’s mouth once more. His pale fingers contrasted sharply as they tangled and weaved in his dark strands, following the patterns that Erwin licked and sucked down his shaft. His head dipped back to reveal his smooth throat and jagged trachea, his weight falling further back into the armrest of the sofa as the simple task of standing became near impossible. 

Erwin continued his languid process with slow and deliberate movements of his tongue and lips, as if he had all the time in the world and was terribly unconcerned with how violently Levi’s legs now shook and how harshly the younger man was clamping down on his own bottom lip to stay silent. Erwin bobbed his head up and down, slow and thoughtful, teasing insanity. 

Levi almost fell forward onto Erwin, his forearms resting on the man’s shoulders as he gripped the back of Erwin’s neck, when the man circled his tip and suddenly bit down, not with force but with purpose. His lips fell open and his eyes rolled back into his skull in a manner that must have appeared so depraved, but Levi hardly cared to give a single thought to it. It was with great effort that he rose to push his own weight back against the armrest of the sofa and off Erwin’s broad shoulders.

He heard the lewd _pop_ that came as Erwin pulled his lips back once more somewhere in a hazy corner of his clouded mind. His legs were trembling, his entire form shaking like a leaf on a cold October day. His arms flexed to grip the sofa behind him as his nails dug into the fine, upholstered material of the furnishing, back arching and his chest heaving. 

“You liked that, didn’t you?” Erwin asked with unnerving composure, as if they were chatting over afternoon tea. “Would you like me to do it again?” 

Levi could not tell if he was nodding in confirmation or if his head was just shaking violently. It did not matter. Erwin continued with his lazy process of gliding his lips up and down Levi’s fully erect and weeping cock, sucking along every centimeter of the warm, sensitive skin, his tongue teasing the tip and his teeth biting down to follow. 

Levi finished with a silent scream, his legs spasming and his hips jerking forth to empty into Erwin’s ready mouth. He felt the man sucking his seed down his awaiting throat, his head not moving until he was certain every single drop had been lapped up and would not escape onto the expensive carpeting. A final swipe to lick up the remaining wetness of his tip sent tremors down Levi’s overly-sensitive lower half, but he ignored it in favor of exhaustion. 

Levi sank as if he was falling into quicksand on the floor as Erwin rose and walked with long, purposeful strides across the room, pulling out a crisp, white handkerchief and wiping the saliva and cum from his lips and chin. Levi forced his shaky fingers to fix his disheveled clothing as he watched through hazy eyes as Erwin found a pitcher of water on the room’s desk and poured himself a glass, drinking deep and unbothered. It was quiet for a few moments that could have been hours in Levi’s mind. 

“Do you feel better?” Erwin asked out into the space between them, his voice a touch husky from the use of his mouth and throat, but his demeanor unwaveringly composed and calm.

Levi scrutinized the captain closely as his eyes narrowed and his head fell into a natural tilt, as if he were a contemplative cat perched on a window’s ledge determining whether or not to jump down. Erwin watched back in patient expectation, his body leaning casually against the desk as he took languid sips from his glass. 

“Yes,” Levi answered after what could have been minutes of contemplation. His headache had been reduced to a dull throb and his nausea was now practically nonexistent. 

“You should take better care of yourself,” Erwin murmured without accusation, as if he were providing Levi a suggestion on whether to use marmalade or butter on his bread. 

Levi determined the comment did not require a response, and he endeavored to remain silent and contemplative. He felt quiet and heavy, his muscles exhausted but his mind oddly content. There was no overwhelming emotion of positivity or negativity when Erwin returned with glass in hand and kneeled down to offer Levi the drink. He appreciated the equilibrium - it was peaceful and calm. 

“Are you well enough to stand?” Erwin asked as Levi took tentative sips of the warm liquid. 

“I can’t believe you bit me,” Levi countered, his tone even and unbothered as he stared straight at the blonde captain. 

“I had an inkling you would enjoy it,” the man smiled, the first sign of emotion that was not wholly calm and composed. 

A tiny, almost inaudible sound escaped Levi’s lips - it could have been a snort or a huff - before he was rising on unsteady legs from his crumpled position on the floor. He stumbled a bit but determined the annoyance that normally followed Erwin helping him was not necessary as the man reached a hand out to steady him on his unsure legs. 

Levi was almost startled in the next second as Erwin smiled gently and leaned in to kiss him lightly on the temple. 

The kiss was different, it felt different and Levi was sure it meant something entirely different from what had just occurred. An involuntary shiver wracked his spine. 

“Thank you, Levi,” Erwin whispered against his temple, and Levi could feel the brush of his lips smiling. 

“You’re welcome,” Levi said in a low voice.

There was not much left for him to say. Erwin pulled away as quickly as the kiss had brushed his sweat-salted skin, and Levi had no words for the burning sensation that erupted like a fire in his chest. The feeling was debilitating and uncontrolled, and Levi was once again left to face the terrible fact that he could not face why Erwin was so eager to be on his side. 

Levi followed dutifully on shaky legs, dreading that the evening was not over but tackling it with a grim acceptance. There was no point in fighting the inevitable. The hallway was dark and calm as it had been before, but Levi felt that the storm was now inside him rather than out in the ballroom he was destined to return to. 

He had just made a promise and already despised how soon he would have to break it. Levi wondered vaguely if Erwin would forgive him if he did not come back. He probably wouldn’t, and Levi held every belief that Erwin would claw through the frozen depths of hell to retrieve his soul and force him to live up to their covenant. 

“Why were you talking to Commander Pixis?” Erwin asked curiously as they lingered between the threshold of the darkened hall and the brightened party. 

Levi looked up and narrowed his stormy eyes. “That old fuck is the Commander of the Garrison?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a good 27 pages in a Google Doc. I made up at least three words in this. No idea how long the next one will be, but with the rate I'm going a good 15 pages plus. Thanks for actually reading all of it!


	10. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi’s heart fluttered frantically in his ears like the incessant sound of an ominous drum, thrumming beat by beat in time with the feeling of perforating dread. He was afraid of so few things in the world, and this man could not be declared one of them, but it was what he represented that Levi feared, terribly

If Levi were ever given the opportunity to have answered one of the unending questions swirling beneath his raven-black locks, it would have nothing to do with the state of the world or what lay beyond those imposing edifices that trapped humanity in their stony safety. Contained within him was a thirst for knowledge, of course, and a certain unquenchable audacity that dared to ask _why._ Why the world had been built to be complacent. Why all conviction had been abandoned for distorted morality and a false sense of comfort. 

But for as much as Levi wanted to know, what he yearned for had always been something far shallower and far deeper. It was not grand or striking or even all that noteworthy, but it was a hope Levi had been carrying around so long that he almost forgot he craved something so profoundly. It was humanistic and uncertain, eating away at him because within the question itself contained something he so completely and so strikingly lacked. 

He wanted to know, needed to know why words had to be so simultaneously inconsequential and omnipotent that they seemed to mean so much and absolutely nothing to everything. To every interworking, to every cog turning, to every interaction and connection that weaved together the roughened and bristly fabric of human existence. 

It was always about what was said, but never about what was said, because inherent to the action was everything always left _unsaid_. The implications. The deepest desires behind what was so outrightly stated. Everything that was wanted to be uttered but couldn’t, because it was too deep, too difficult, too exposing and incapacitating that it was a wonder the human heart could even bear the burden of all that was left unsaid in a day, in a year, in a lifetime. 

Levi had watched Erwin watch him. He could feel the man’s curiosity, his hunger, that irrepressible joy that Levi’s attention always seemed to bring him. The cacophonous din of that ghastly ballroom had washed over Levi and he had so suddenly and so desperately wanted to scream, wanted to cry out everything that was afflicting him. It would have been so simple, so easy, and surely Levi, even as bad with words as he was, could have done it. He could have formed the simple phrases, uttered the simple sounds. 

I am afraid. I am lonely. I am unwell. 

Three simple words, four simple syllables was all it would have taken. But it was everything that those words meant and insinuated and represented that Levi could not bear to face. He could not bear it because they constituted something Levi was too terrified to acknowledge, like a scared child too terrified to shuffle down a darkened hall. 

I am afraid. _But you make me less scared._

I am lonely. _But you fill my emptiness with something I cannot explain._

I am unwell. _But you make me feel so completely valid._

If Levi were admitting truthfully, he would say that he was afraid of words, because they were so futile and so meaningful, and he was so bad with them. It was always stated so arrogantly that actions spoke volumes over words. And that was entirely true, but then why did Levi lament so terribly all of the things that he had never said, that he had always been so unable to say that they had ceased to be just words and had morphed into missed opportunities? 

If Levi were to speak about regrets, he would state that he had none, because the simple action of regretting was something so meaningless and unworthwhile that the very notion of it had become something of a foreign concept in his mind. But that was not entirely true, because Levi did regret and would always regret one thing in his existence. 

He lived his life in actions. A man of so many overflowing emotions but so few words. It had been like that since his earliest memories in that dank and dirty room that he had once had the childish innocence to call home. 

He had never asked Kuchel why strange men came into their four little corners of the world at odd hours of the day and night, why they hit her, why they made her cry after they had gone. Deep within him, even at such an impossibly young age, he had always understood, so he never asked. He always dutifully and without fail had run to the blackened closet of that wretched space and hid away, even though he was terribly afraid of the dark in those early days. 

It was an action that had come from the deepest depths of his heart. Strange men with insatiable desires always seemed to fly into an irrevocable rage whenever they found that the night’s entertainment had an unseemly, urchin child. So Levi understood keenly and profoundly that he needed to stay hidden, that he needed to stay in the enveloping darkness even though he was terrified that it would sneak up and snatch away his soul. It was the best way he knew to say what he never seemed to be able to. 

And when Isabel had run to him frightened and filthy and desperate for protection, clutching a dying baby bird adoringly to her chest, Levi had provided her salvation from the depraved thugs chasing her. When Furlan had declared so ardently with determination blazing in his fiery eyes that they would accompany Levi on the expedition even though Levi desired nothing more in the world than for them to stay behind, he had not put up a fight. It was action after action, built up over a lifetime, simultaneously more powerful and too little to express what he wanted desperately to _say._

Levi regretted deeply and profoundly that he had never said it before any of them had left him, before he was left alone time and time again. Three simple words and three simple syllables that were so futile and absolutely everything to existence. 

I love you. 

Determination reverberated through each one of his heavy steps as he stalked out of that grandiose theatre of society, his small form so naturally catching the attention of curious eyes and murmured whispers. There was nothing left that could make Levi care. He had made up his mind. Before Erwin had kissed his temple, so lightly and adoringly. Before Erwin had knelt before him and grasped at his belt. Before the man had declared everything and nothing of what he really wanted to say to Levi, the boy had made up his mind. 

Levi understood completely that Erwin was giving him the opportunity to change his mind, to finally acknowledge their covenant and come willingly into a position he seemed absolutely destined to fill. He supposed that was a kindness the man was offering, because he did care, so much. So much that Levi was precisely certain even Erwin was surprised by the extent to which he cared. And Erwin knew, in that annoyingly persistent fashion of his, what Levi had made up his mind to do. Even as Levi was coming to the realization himself, Erwin had already known. 

Levi could feel those eyes on him, filled to the brim with expectation and control and want, watching his movements, painting his form in the prettiest of thoughts and ideas. But Levi could not live up to trust. Not tonight, maybe not even tomorrow. If the opportunity was even there. There was a lifetime that needed to be atoned for, repentance that needed to be paid, and a debt that was owed. 

Levi was prepared to take and give for all that he was worth tonight, and the cards would fall where they fell, it just would not be with Erwin. That battle would not be fought tonight, perhaps it never would. Perhaps Erwin would not be able to drag him from the icy pits of hell if he tumbled in. But the mere fact that the man would want to was something of a comfort to Levi as he stalked out into the lingering heat of the ephemeral nighttime. 

He had a natural sense for sneaking around places that he was generally not welcome in. Levi did not need to ask a scurrying attendant or a passing party-goer where the stables would be on the estate, because he knew with an innate sense that they would be to the west, pointed away from the general flow of the wind in this part of the countryside. 

It was quite a trek for him to get there, but Levi hardly paid mind to the exertion of his worn muscles and tired limbs. He had a lifetime of memories to flash before his wintry eyes and direct his thoughts to something tumultuous and gripping. Men with plenty of wealth seemed to have enough sense to keep their odorous livestock away from their stately homes, and thus it took Levi the better part of twenty minutes to actually make it to the equestrian docking of the home. His thoughts raged the entire journey, briefly scattering to Erwin and the lively party continuing so far from his existence now, but mostly Levi dwelled on the past, lived in the swirling depths of those haunting remembrances. 

Even at such an hour and on such a night, there was still an attendant seeing to the needs of the stately animals filling the hay-covered stables. A quick glance had Levi guessing four thoroughbreds and six clydesdales in total - horses used for working and racing and flaunting the striking wealth so few possessed. He sent a sardonic little note of gratitude silently out into the universe that Lord Bolton was so well stocked for his traveling needs. 

Levi’s first order of business was the attendant; if he was to leave the grounds quietly on the back of a stolen animal, it would have to be done with as little disruption as possible. He did not need to sneak or prowl around. The battle was well won long before one of the participants knew it was to be fought. 

“Excuse me, sir. What are you—,” was all the scraggly boy dotted with freckles and pimples, perhaps no more than fifteen, managed to get out before Levi struck him forcefully on the head with deadly precision, knocking the youth unconscious in a single, exact blow. 

Levi caught the tumbling boy in his arms and helped him fall gently to the messy ground, not enough room left in his psyche to feel even an ounce of remorse. He made quick work of picking out one of the black racing horses and tossing on a saddle, somewhere deep within a touch amused that he was so easily able to do this because the very institution that had attempted to knock the criminal out of him had taught him to ride. 

He was out of the stables as quickly as he had slinked in, racing with the warm flow of midnight air striking his face and flinging his inky locks away from his pale features. He pushed the stately thoroughbred harder, urged it to go faster so that he might make it back to Mitras in under an hour. There was a sense of urgency gripping Levi’s soul that he had hardly ever experienced, as if he knew what he was running from and was terribly afraid it just might catch up with him, no matter how ludicrous the thought was. 

Memories of his ill-fated childhood filled his mind. Levi was completely certain even to this day that Kenny had never wanted to care for him, had never wanted to give even the minimalist of efforts to trying. But it was love that had forced him to do it, that insatiable feeling and unconquering four-letter word. Not love for Levi, but love for Kuchel. Because for all of the sinister and wicked and sordid things that Kenny was, he was capable of loving - one person, that is. 

Levi was entirely convinced that if Kenny had found him dying on the side of the street amongst filth and waste in the Underground, the man would have passed him by and not given it a second thought. But he had found Levi dying in a dank brothel room amongst sin and depravity, right by the long dead woman, and that had made all the difference. A life for a life. One saved for one snuffed out. 

Kenny had taken Levi in, in the minimalist sense of the term, and had fulfilled the wish of the one person he loved: that the one she loved might get to live - not well, not fulfilled, but alive. Levi could not actually say how long the man had stuck around - long enough for him to beat his first thug and slit his first throat - and then he had vanished into the shadows once more, like smoke dissipating into the air. There was no overwhelming sense of positivity or negativity that had gripped Levi when Kenny had left, just an air of finality. That something was lost for something gained, and he could never get back what was gone. 

The air whipped Levi’s midnight hair and stung his bleary eyes as he rode on, but still he forced the horse to go faster. Hooves clanked on cobblestone streets, and Levi let his natural instinct for detection take over as he raced down partially deserted roads while the moon watched on with equable indifference overhead. Even in the grandest of places, the worst of society still existed, tucked away neat and clean where the best of humanity would not have to view its degeneracy. Unless, of course, they really wanted to. 

Any place where brothels would reside, gambling rings would flourish, and drug dens would thrive would be somewhere in the eastern quarter of the city - close enough to the MP station to serve a certain interested clientele, but far enough if said clientele decided to get a bit too hands on with their duties and the guilty parties would need to make a quick getaway further into the sprawling maze of Mitras. 

Levi abandoned his horse to a darkened back alley somewhere on the outskirts of the eastern section and continued on foot, his veins perforated with adrenaline but his heart so terribly calm in his chest. He glided through the shadows, blending effortlessly with their shifting murkiness as he had been taught to do so many years before. He did not know where he should go, but had an innate sense that his feet would take him where he needed to be without hesitation. 

It was the better part of an hour before Levi found his destination, somewhere in a blighted crevice of the city’s bulging underbelly, drunks stumbling in riches and soldier’s uniforms alike, blown pupils in dilated eyes and the lewd ringing of moans reverberating wherever sound could be heard through the darkened labyrinth of streets. 

The pub was dingy and run down, unworthy of a setting so opulent and grand, but Levi thought it was aptly fitting. He had learned long ago that something existed deep within two individuals of predatory intent, and there was hardly anything necessary for a declaration of provocation. 

He stopped outside the derelict pub and stayed, waiting in patient expectation as exhaustion thrummed through his mind and fatigue weighed his limbs. He ventured out eventually, as Levi had expected, movements unbothered and expression so terribly nonchalant. Cheap booze had only served to make him appear more devilish in the moon’s dim lighting, his sneer stretched to something going beyond the wickedness of an infernal fiend. 

“It took you long enough, kid,” the dark man with the dark aura simpered, his movements intentionally staggered to fulfill some depraved sense of amusement in his mind. “All these years and you’ve barely grown _up_ at all.” 

Levi’s wintry eyes narrowed, his form crouched instinctively. " _Kenny,"_ he bit through clenched teeth, and somewhere something churned and rumbled in the deepest depths of hell. 

\---

Erwin possessed the unique and profound capability of identifying and analyzing stress as a sort of foreign entity in his body. He would take it, hold it in his psyche the way a glass is held in a hand, and dissect its content to determine the roots of the ill-fated problem. It was a process so scrupulous and precise that Erwin was physically capable of taking a depthless void of unease and distress and disquietude and crushing it into something small and unimposing, like a piece of parchment crumpled in an angry writer’s hand. 

He stood before the portly man with the thin and greasy mustache and the twitchy, shifting eyes and did just that, masking his unease with his charm and providing a smile that could have blinded the sun. Inside he was raging, a loose cannon about to blow. Erwin did his best to stifle the fuse. He was drunk and angry, and perhaps if he dug a bit below the shallow surface of his character, just a touch too hurt to be playing at pleasantries when ungodly hours had passed long ago. 

Erwin had not predicted his evening would go so poorly. Indeed, it was going fairly well until about an hour prior, before the burden of responsibility had bore down on his shoulders like a leaden and irrepressible weight. The rather unceremonious downfall of his doomed night had started with a bland conversation that had gone something like this: 

“He just left?” 

“Yes,” Erwin muttered dully, watching with barren eyes as his friend’s dark bangs, now slightly askew with the progression of the evening’s events, jumped on his forehead with each rattle of their rickety carriage. 

The only light that shone through the cramped box was the paleness of the moon, bathing the compact space in lurking shadows that seemed to dance with a devilish life of their own. 

“Did you tell him to go?” Stephen asked incredulously, unable to understand why Erwin appeared so simultaneously calm and empty. 

“No.”

“Did you know he would?”

“Yes.” 

“For God’s sake, Erwin. The boy is your subordinate. Shouldn’t you be _doing_ something about his blatant neglect of his duties?” 

Erwin studied his friend with detached curiosity, as if he was hoping to delve into Stephen’s thoughts and comprehend just how the machinations were turning and toiling to produce ideas in his alcohol-riddled mind. He appeared more blandly amused than overtly angry by his friend’s incredulity, and glanced away with a small shrug and a vapid simper to answer the man’s disquieted bewilderment. 

Stephen sighed, resigning himself to the knowledge that Erwin had determined his actions long before their conversation had commenced. 

“What will you do?” The lord asked in quiet acquiescence. 

Erwin propped his elbow up on the seat’s back cushion and rested his cheek in his palm, staring out at the glowing and indifferent moon as he allowed his thoughts to turn in his head like an incessant wheel on an ill-fated course to spin round and round harrowingly for life. 

“Wait for him to return to me,” he murmured softly, “and then go from there.” 

“And you are sure he will?” The question was reproachful, expressing the full extent of its conveyor’s uncertainty and disapproval with a lilt of a tone and a raise of a brow. 

The rattling of the carriage along the rickety, country road jostled the two men, and Erwin allowed its light and incessant noise to fill the space as he waited almost as a patient observer for his mind to make sense of all his swirling thoughts. 

He had not planned for the night to go as it would. All he knew with great certainty was that Levi had begun it unwell - physically ailing, mentally burdened - and all Erwin could think about was his duty to assist. Not with Levi as his subordinate, but with Levi as his responsibility, as the boy had indubitably become. 

It was perhaps the most debased and reprobated way that he had ever shown trust, that he had ever asked for trust. But Levi had never appeared more alive, more human than he did when he was shaking and gasping and performing so flawlessly every action Erwin had asked of him. And Erwin had never felt more powerful. 

There was an odd sense in the back of his mind that Levi had needed that - something to remind him that he existed. It was more than just the physical need of it, but the mental and emotional one that was just as powerful in molding the young man’s will and shaping his actions. It was all completely for him, and Erwin had gotten the distinct pleasure of watching Levi’s cheeks fill with colour for the first time he had ever witnessed, and the years melt away to reveal something young and enraptured. 

There was nothing much to say afterwards, and the quiet was a beautiful equilibrium that they had never achieved before. Levi had sipped languidly at the water Erwin had given him, had followed the captain dutifully and without ceremony from the office, and parted ways with Erwin filled with an appreciative acceptance and quiet understanding. Erwin had fluttered around the Bolton ballroom knowing Levi would leave, hoping he would not, watching him go, and experiencing a nagging sting of hurt tug at his skin like the vexing prickle of a paper cut. 

He sighed slightly, only to himself. “Yes, I am sure he will return.” And he was, if Levi could.

The remainder of the ride passed in silence. Erwin watched the shadows dance in the pale glow of the moon, their swaying perfectly in time with the jostling of the carriage, within him a sense that he had disappointed his friend somehow. He would never know whether he had made the right call, whether he should have let Levi go or should have forced him to stay. He knew Levi would return, but it was more out of an inclination towards faith than an absolute certainty. 

It was not the matter of coming back that was the problem, but rather the repercussions that would inevitably need to be faced. Levi had disobeyed him, blatantly, and there required a price for that transgression. It was another challenge; one that Levi was waiting for Erwin to live up to, as he was still waiting for Erwin to live up to the “trust” he so persistently liked to fling around. 

Erwin was not in the habit of losing - to anything - but he couldn’t help but feel simultaneously one step ahead and two steps behind Levi at all times, entirely because of himself and his own vested interests. He was racing to stay in sync while concurrently looking behind his shoulder, looking into those merciless eyes of an unnamed and unknown colour saying so daringly, so provokingly: _Do you really think you're worth me? Have you really earned me?_

Erwin hadn’t, but he wasn’t in the habit of earning when taking could be utilized. And Levi wasn’t in the habit of giving without a good reason. 

They were in a constant struggle, an endless push and pull that Erwin could not break, no matter how forcefully he tried to. Levi wanted him to bend, but Erwin was entirely too used to being rigid all the time, to being perfectly upright as a means to disguise the fact that he was so completely crooked. 

Erwin pondered the nature of trust. The give and the take. The bureaucracy of it. How inefficient it could be. But mostly he thought about the taste of Levi’s skin. The look of his ecstasy. The colour of his youth. And he knew he was fully and irrevocably overtaken. 

Because Levi had been wrong, or at least not fully right. Erwin did have emotions, the bothersome things that they were. And he could not deny that they were completely gripped now, for better or worse. 

The pair arrived back to Mitras quietly; what awaited amidst the sordid city was not quiet at all. 

“There is a lord here to see you, sir,” a maid noted as the two stepped out of the carriage, deep lines etched into her tired face that remained profound even as her expression maintained a state of acquiescent passivity. 

Erwin was slightly surprised to find the woman was looking to him and not her lordly employer. It was nearing two in the morning, and even with all of the thoughts swirling unbidden around in his mind, Erwin could admit to the futility of remaining awake at such an hour after such a day. Someone going out of their way to find him at a time so completely ungodly seemed more like an unamusing joke than a legitimate reality. 

His first thought was Levi, that the boy had done something grievous to warrant noble scrutiny. But Erwin knew no self-respecting lord (and all of them certainly seemed to have a lot of that) would make a personal appearance for the conduct of one soldier, no matter how gossiped about the boy was. This visit was completely because of and for Erwin; the thought was mildly unsettling. 

Erwin looked to Stephen and saw that the man was startled but still obliging. He knew which of Erwin’s battles to join and which to avoid. If his home needed to become a base for something ignoble, then he could surely turn a blind eye for an evening. 

Erwin allowed himself to be led to the first floor parlor, decidedly not inquiring as to who had come calling upon him at such an hour. He had no energy left for the weight of the information, and thus took to doing something he so rarely did: postponing the inevitable for as long as possible. 

The maid led him in quickly and left even faster, a little curtsy blurring with the steps of her departure. Erwin was met with the sight of a short man with dark hair and slightly pudgy features, his attempts at leaning casually against the mantle of the fireplace overshadowed by the slight twitch to his eye and the way he clenched and unclenched his hands when Erwin entered the room. The captain immediately recognized him, though he had never personally made the nobleman’s acquaintance. 

“Lord Reiss. What an unexpected and pleasant surprise,” Erwin murmured graciously, meaning the exact opposite of those words. They remained well masked, though. 

The man provided a fidgety smile and a pointed look, something deep and churning in his beady black eyes. Erwin felt thoroughly watched, but he could not tell with what - uncertainty, dislike, curiosity, disdain. It was so completely unclear that Erwin began to wonder if Rod Reiss even knew himself. 

The noble family was certainly an interesting bunch. Uri Reiss had a borderline disturbing and obsessive following for his humanitarian preachings that bordered on the fervent ardor of the wall cultists. Rod Reiss was a questionable man with even more questionable consorts. Rumors of his illegitimate child flowed just as readily in noble circles as the belief that he had a direct and influential line to the king and every decision he made. The rest of the family was simultaneously nonexistent and ever-present in society, as if they were there but somewhere up above where even the loftiest of men could not reach. 

It was peculiar and disquieting, and even as Erwin sat his tired limbs on the parlor’s sofa in the presence of a man that seemed so meek and unimposing, he got the distinct sense that there was something decidedly _disturbed_ about Rod Reiss. 

“It was very kind of you to take the time to come and visit me, even at such an hour,” Erwin continued, when it became clear the finer points of polite conversation were utterly lost on this man. He could not say whether that was inherent to the personality or came from being in a position so _above_ the commonality of society, even society such as Erwin himself. 

Lord Reiss looked out to one of the room’s armchairs, as if he were quietly scrutinizing the merits of sitting, before taking a seat on the cushion’s edge that could be described more as a perch than a comfortable position. It looked heavy, though, completely different from the way Levi perched on furnishings with nimble weightlessness, like the man was waiting for the right moment to leap up and command someone else to cut Erwin’s throat. 

“I was curious to meet you,” the lord finally murmured, as if he had not just taken minutes to respond to Erwin. “You’ve been a frequently gossiped about character as of late.”

His tone was strangely lilting, with an odd air of attempting to be simultaneously placid and convincing. Erwin had never heard anything quite like it, though he did find himself slightly humored by being referred to as a _character_ as opposed to other titles. 

“I’m quite humbled, my lord,” Erwin smiled graciously, despising the hour but loving the game. There was something truly twisted in his soul, depending on whether it was believed he had one. “I’m honored that you would take the time to come visit me personally.”

Rod Reiss stared at the captain head on, and there was something all together boring and unsettling about it, the dull look in his eyes seeming as if something had been sucked right out of them. There was no appearance of weariness or lethargy in his gaze, but he did not appear completely animated either. 

“You are a highly valued tactician of the Survey Corps who has managed to live through many Scouting expeditions. I doubt humbleness is something you ever feel,” the lord muttered blandly, as if they weren’t quite his own words, yet he knew exactly down to the last double-meaning and definition what he was uttering. 

Erwin stilled slightly, his relaxed position with legs crossed one over the other and an arm draped across the sofa’s back stiffening minutely. It was not provoking or daring or even all that interesting feeling, but it sounded like a sort of threat. Like Lord Reiss was saying: _I see you. I know men like you. Why should I be impressed?_ There was something peculiarly manipulating to it, despite the meekness of the countenance and the dreariness of the gaze that displayed on the man in a stupefied dullness. 

“I am impressed you know so much about my background,” Erwin murmured affably, hiding his unease with the skill of a trained politician. 

“Seven years is a long time with the Corps,” Reiss replied distantly, and the implication was certainly there. 

Erwin shifted his position in the slightest degree, so small to the point that it might not have happened. But the body had a unique way of reacting to provoking words as it did provoking actions, and Erwin could not deny that the hairs were now bristling on the back of his neck. 

“Do you have an interest in the work of the Scouts?” Erwin inquired, knowing definitively that the answer was in the negative. The Reiss family had been long-standing proponents of keeping men in the walls rather than advocating for them venturing out, a position that proved difficult given the extent of their murky and uncertain influence. 

Reiss seemed to consider the weight of Erwin’s every word before replying, as if determining how honest answers needed to be. He seemed to look somewhere past the captain’s slightly disheveled blonde hair, seeing something Erwin was almost entirely sure no other man would be able to. 

“The recent work of the branch has been more intriguing than in the past.” 

Intriguing was not the word Reiss wanted to use, Erwin was sure of it. Not when said work involved his troop formations and Hanji’s titan experimentation. Going against the grain was hardly typical or encouraged in the military, but the Corps had been doing so rather openly for a few _years_ now. Repercussions would be met eventually, but in what manner or upon who, Erwin could not say. 

He knew why Reiss was here to visit him, had put two and two together by the man’s second comment, but there was something gratingly tedious and disturbingly threatening to the direction of their conversation. Erwin felt unusually disadvantaged - he had the most relevant information in his grasp to dissect and scrutinize, yet he still felt there was something he was missing. 

“Is there something you came to discuss specifically?” Erwin asked, intentionally dropping his voice to let Reiss know he was done at playing pleasantries. 

The man titled his head a touch, considering Erwin with that same passively bored and intensely drilling gaze. 

“I wanted to invite you to the Reiss estate in Rose. There is something I would like to discuss that I think will be of interest to you and your branch.” 

Erwin was thoroughly taken aback, but he did not let it show, skilled as he was at masking and manipulating his own reactions. Why had the man traveled all the way to Mitras to carry out an invitation that could have been made in a letter? It was unsettling, though Erwin figured that was exactly how it was supposed to be. It was as if Reiss was saying: _I know where you are, always, even now._

“I would be honored,’ Erwin smiled, resisting the urge to add the phrase _and humbled_ just for the hell of it. 

He could be unsettled, but he would not be beaten. Whatever this questionable character wanted, Erwin would not be defeated by the disquietude or the nature of the request. If this man had influence, then Erwin would exploit it for himself and his branch. He was so terribly good at that, after all. And there were so many ambitions he had to live up to. Being outplayed was not an option. 

\---

The moon seemed to shift like a spotlight on a stage, shining down on the two main characters, growing brighter and brighter as the hearts beat faster, as the blood raced quicker, as the peak of the confrontation neared its heinous pinnacle. Kenny grinned in a manner that could have outshone the devil in malevolent intent, the gleam of a fiend in his steely eyes and the look of a rabid dog in his displayed teeth, grinning at the sheer joy of cruelty. 

Levi’s heart fluttered frantically in his ears like the incessant sound of an ominous drum, thrumming beat by beat in time with the feeling of perforating dread. He was afraid of so few things in the world, and this man could not be declared one of them, but it was what he represented that Levi feared, terribly. Because there was the complete and undeniable chance that Levi could be the _same_ , that he could one day bear a duplicate look of flagrant and abhorrent glee at the very notion of bringing destruction and causing chaos. 

They were so similar, after all - in mannerisms, in appearance, in ways of thinking - that it was perfectly reasonable to assume Levi himself was actually _no different_ from the man who stood devoid of all shame and apology before him. That they were cut from the same cloth, crafted from the same mold, and it utterly terrified Levi. 

“I’m surprised that you didn’t bring your trainer with you,” Kenny sneered, cruelly conversational. “You’ve been such a good dog for the Scouts, after all.” 

Levi bristled at the provocation. He knew it was meant to inspire hatred and elicit rage, and he could certainly feel the bubbling of unmitigated fury in his stomach, but he could not be goaded so easily anymore. He wasn’t the same little boy Kenny had left to scrape out a living in criminality. Years had cut him into something simultaneously harder and more human than Kenny could have ever allowed Levi to be in his company. 

“Why are you here?” Levi asked, working to keep his mind silent and voice steady. Kenny would grasp at the first sign of weakness like a hanging fuse and set fire to it, watching it burn and burn until something exploded. 

“I don’t believe that’s any of your business, kid,” the man replied, tipping his hat out of his eyes and leaning against the grimy wall of the pub’s exterior, posture mockingly open and provokingly bored. His eyes could cut steel, though, with the way they slid up and down Levi looking for any little flicker of uncertainty and decrepitude. 

Levi kept his muscles tensed to spring. Kenny was a bomb, not a blade. He happened as a flash, exploding into action in the fractions of seconds it took a man to learn how terribly easy it actually was to steal life from the human body. If it came down to a fight, he could not readily say who would win. Kenny had height and experience on him, while Levi had speed and sheer force of will. 

The difference was the intent. Levi did not always go in with the desire to kill. Kenny never made that mistake. 

“You fuck with me, you make it my business,” Levi all but snarled, his hands tightening into something that went beyond the intensity and danger of a clenched fist. 

Kenny clicked his tongue like a chiding parent, looking down at Levi with deriding admonishment. There was a malevolent and brutal glee to his smile, his teeth stretched like that of a wolf closing in on an injured deer with slow and cruel intent, knowing that dinner had been won but enjoying toying with the food all the same. 

“The mouth on you. Kuchel would be ashamed.” 

The words were a knife, driving into Levi’s heart in the precise way Kenny knew they would. The physical pain it caused the boy, so readily available to see if one knew where to look, was an emotional high for him. He could not remember when heinousness had become enlightening, but he was addicted to it like an insatiable drug. 

Levi could feel his heart clenching in his chest, unbidden as if it had a life and mind of its own. Old pain was always the worst pain, because it was lasting and exhausting, having already left its lingering mark on the soul all too eager to surface and eat away at any feeling of joy or contentment. 

“I’m not sure which she’d find more shameful - the fact that you’re still so damn short, or the fact that you’ve become a submissive little bitch for the military.” 

Levi had to close his eyes to keep himself from seeing the searing white of pure rage flash like an image across his vision. He knew Kenny would never attack him like that - incapacitated with eyes sealed shut. Because the man would want Levi to see him coming, would want Levi to see the pain progress in slow motion, right as it was happening, reverberating waves of sound to his ears and driving blades of steel into his stomach. Blindness was a mercy he would never receive. 

Levi inhaled once and exhaled shallowly, oxygen barely making it across his small body to rejuvenate his muscles and animate his limbs. He opened his eyes languidly, honing his gaze onto everything he could possibly discern from the tall man in front of him. Kenny was leaning completely on his right hip, meaning he probably had a weapon under his coat to his left. Something large given the way he stood, likely a firearm. Levi had already accounted for the blade from earlier, and he knew the man did not require much to kill. 

His eyes traveled up to Kenny’s face - that gaze still completely cutting, smile flagrant as the devil. He reached slowly and deliberately behind himself, knowing where this was fated to head. 

“And what about you?” Levi snarled, his fingers twisting around the cold hilt of his knife’s handle. “I never would have thought groveling at the feet of high-class inbreds was much your style. Not that I’d expect much more from you.” 

“Careful boy,” Kenny hissed, the flames in his irises jumping and twisting like a writhing snake preparing to attack. His muscles tensed a minute amount, his body physically growing taut with the force of his anger filling his muscles. 

Levi gripped his knife harder behind his back, the sturdy and apathetic material cutting red marks into his skin that grounded him in a state of half-reality. His mind was simultaneously calm and raging, as if he were living and observing this scene as two different people - the boy he once was and the man he had become. He was not sure if either deserved mercy or compassion, but he was not being provided the grace of clemency. 

He was being provided an opportunity - to avenge. The small spark in the pit of his stomach that flickered and flamed the unspeakable truth: he was the same terrible chaos as the man before him now. Or the tingles that reached the tips of his toes and fingers, declaring he was no more than the abandoned and terrified child he had always been. It did not matter what was seeking vengeance, what wrong was done that he was seeking to make right. Perhaps it was his own immorality pursuing justice, and this was his long-awaited judgement. 

Levi did not have the answers for the emotions he could not comprehend. It was those last few seconds before the caravan was cut, before all hell broke loose and there was no going back. He was never one to back down, and he did not need to understand to be determined. And he was determined now. So terribly determined. 

“I’ll ask one more time,” Levi murmured, his calm a storm. “Why are you here?” 

Kenny had the audacity to laugh - something savage and clipped, the sound echoing off the dirty walls in bouncing waves that knocked haphazardly into everything in their path. It filled Levi with an empty dread that rested leadenly at the bottom of his stomach. 

“Not for you,” the man smiled, his lips stretching to display every viciously sharpened canine. 

_Erwin._ It was his one thought before the flash banged blindingly, and Kenny was on top of him, knife in one hand and revolver in the other. 

Levi dodged the slash of a blade and the fire of a bullet in a motion that could not be physically comprehended by the eyes of mere mortals, but he barely made it out of the way in time. He tucked his head and tumbled onto his right shoulder, managing to pull off a roll that had him crouched to the ground but at least on two solidly planted feet. He sprung left as another bullet lodged itself into the far wall, his knife shining silver steel in the glint of the moonlight as he drew it fully from behind his back. 

Kenny was toying with him, giving Levi just enough opportunity to flee every ringing gunshot and slashing blade as he dodged in something akin to an intricate and deadly dance out of the way. Delight could not have been painted more joyously; the sheer look of Kenny’s glee bordered on the sublime. 

Levi growled low and fierce as he rolled onto his right shoulder again to dodge a narrowly-missed slash, the little spew of rocks from Kenny’s chaotic bullets biting into his flesh through his white military button down. He sprung forward like a leaping cat with claws outstretched, driving his blade up and into Kenny’s cheek, leaving behind a little trickle of crimson that had his stomach momentarily flip-flopping. 

Levi pushed the sensation deep down. Now was not the time for such weaknesses.

Kenny only chuckled louder, taking more delight in the injury than Levi ever could. Steel clashed on steel and reverberated down the alley like a call to death, the ringing knocking around in Levi’s mind clouded by adrenaline and hatred and something far deeper that he could not name. He ducked to the side as another bullet was fired, the sting of heat enveloping his earlobe and burning the sensitive cartilage. 

Levi panted with vitality more than exhaustion, his chest heaving in partial-ups and rapid-downs as his body accustomed to the familiar tingle of violence and brutality that he had become so well acquainted with over the years. It was like coming home to an old friend - the memories the same even if the details had shifted with the passage of time. Levi could not tell if he hated how easy it was for him to slip back into that cold, chaotic shell, or if he revered it as a natural part of his being. Either way, it consumed him. 

He charged with the speed of a beast pulsing through his feet, knife flipped backwards in his hand just as he held his gear blades, just as Kenny had taught him. He rushed in zigzags that painted invisible patterns into the cobblestoned street, his body ceaselessly twisting and turning in an unpredictable path of precise chaos. He slashed again, his knife tearing fabric but stopping short of skin. 

Kenny dodged with the grace of an alpha wolf, fur bristled and ears perked, his teeth bared in a sneer so maliciously calm. He was unfazed by the blood flowing as a light trickle down his sharp cheek, and the slash that had cut the front of his shirt in a jagged line that teetered on the edge of harmlessness and death. He fired bullet after bullet to force Levi back, to gain the upper hand once more and drive the full extent of his vicious elation towards the boy. 

Levi fell back with quick steps, gliding with the lightness of a bird and the grace of a dancer. He did not need to see to know where to go, he could _feel_ it. His feet would naturally take him there, as if it were an inborn part of their functioning. 

The clash of steel was growing louder and louder, the reverberations more fierce and deadly as they clattered in haphazard spirals down the back alley and sounded certain doom. The ringing of bullets matched the ringing of cacophony in Levi’s head, the clattering of memories clanging around the walls of his mind and battering the base of his small skull. He could not tell if he was growing calmer or more agitated as the seconds passed on as if they were being forcefully dragged through time, and sweat pooled in plump, salty beads across his forehead from the effort of exertion. Reality morphed into a flurry of limbs and a ringing of blows, each spelling potential peril but falling short of the mark. 

It happened in the milliseconds that form the thought of a second. He stepped hard and his ankle twisted from the roll of rubble bits underneath, his foot losing balance and turning awkwardly for a heart beat. It was all the time the world needed to provide, though.

Kenny lunged at opportunity and in movement forwards, his blade slashing in the cruelest of cuts he knew how to inflict. 

Levi saw the blood before he felt the searing sting of pain, felt his stomach roll before he realized it had been slit open. He crumbled, more out of shock than debilitation at first, his body collapsing to his knees but managing enough dignity to stay in an upright position. He had never experienced such injury, was shocked by the feeling of it. Of the cold, and the loneliness. He felt so terribly helpless in that moment, as if his limbs were shackled to the floor and all he could do was strain his neck to peer his fate in its frigid, unforgiving eyes. 

Kenny approached slowly, twirling his blood-stained blade in his hand, looking for all the world bored by the outcome of their encounter. The wicked glint was there, though, in his eyes. Hinting at the debauched pleasure brewing in the depths of his consciousness. 

Levi held his breath despite himself. He was being evaluated, stalked; the meat for the day up for sale. He did his best to stay upright, but his colour was draining fast, his complexion was paling and his body was succumbing to the blistering bite of pain. An arm clutched naturally over his injured stomach as Kenny came close, the sleeve of his pristinely white shirt staining in a bright crimson. 

Kenny stopped only for a moment, only to allow a sneer to twist his lips with the atrocity of the devil, and then passed by. Walked on down the dirty back alley until even the clicking of his boots became a hollow and forlorn sound that then faded altogether. 

Levi understood the cruelty to it, understood so deeply and intimately what Kenny was doing. He was not just leaving Levi to bleed out and die. He was giving Levi a choice. Because the wound wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t make it back to Stephen’s home and seek potential salvation, but it would kill him eventually, if he did not make a move. 

_How much do you hate? The world. Yourself. How badly do you want it to end? How badly do you want to die?_

Levi closed his eyes, inhaled shallowly. He did not have an answer to those questions, because they felt utterly consuming. Because they were composed of words. So many words that were so deep and so overbearing that it was a wonder his heart could take it anymore. 

Memories flashed like a bolt of lightning across his irises. Unbidden memories, the kind that rise up like a wave to drown a conscience in the past. Pictures of Furlan. His eyes blazing. Pictures of Isabel. Her face warm. Pictures of Kuchel. Her expression adoring. 

He pulled his eyelids open languidly, felt his legs shaking, blood pooling sickeningly in his mouth, and made his decision. 

\---

“What would Rod Reiss want with you?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Erwin sighed, providing his friend a wearied glance before staring off into the blazing fire a maid had lit mere minutes prior, the flames flickering in his irises and providing them a new depth and shade of blue. 

Shadows danced across his sharp-cut face as a pull of concern tugged at his brow and distorted his stately features. Erwin could not imagine what Rod Reiss or the man’s family would want from him. Perhaps they weren’t outright enemies of the Scouts, but they most certainly couldn’t be described as friends. 

Coming to see him was a tactical move through and through, but Erwin could not yet tell what game they were playing. Reiss was interested in him as a successor to the Commander, that much he knew for certain. But what motivations would a semi-hostile family to the Survey Corps and its plight have in associating themselves with a forward-thinking and enterprising captain of the very branch they quietly worked to thwart? 

Erwin could not profess he was overly worried about this new development, though; indeed, he seldom found himself in a state of outright agitation, even in the midst of titan attacks during ill-fated expeditions. But concern certainly gripped his senses more than he would have liked. And it was so terribly late now, and Levi still had not returned to his side. 

The sheer volume of all that Erwin felt at that late hour enveloped in the consuming darkness of night could have been overwhelming, if he wasn’t going to such great lengths to suppress most feelings beneath the rapidly bubbling surface of his disquietude. Erwin was not sure he had _felt_ quite so much in years, used to as he was being in an environment that prized durability and resilience over emotion and expression. 

“No matter,” Stephen sighed, filling the space with the sounds of his enervation. “It is an offer you cannot refuse.” 

Erwin hummed his agreement. No matter the feelings rising like a tide in his chest, he would be making the lengthy trek to Rose at first light. There was no other option to be considered, and how he felt about the affair was wholly insignificant. If a powerful and enigmatic lord was intentionally requesting his presence, he would go to any lengths necessary to turn the encounter in his favor, no matter the circumstances. 

Erwin worked to clear his mind of all weighty thoughts as he stared into the flickering flames of the hearth’s vibrant fire, Stephen’s quiet breathing providing a small sense of grounding to remind Erwin that he existed in the real world, or what was left of it anyways. 

Slowly he let go of Reiss - the man’s dodgy face, his darting eyes that could never quite find their mark yet knew exactly where they needed to look. He let go of the Council meeting from so many hours prior - the eyes of the Garrison Commander, shining and vivacious. The lessons that had shaped his life in ways even Erwin himself could not quite comprehend. 

He thought of the softness and sheen to Levi’s midnight hair, could feel it brushing as an unconscious sensation against the tips of his roughened fingers, before pushing all introspections to the back of his mind, too uneasy with the notion that they would cease to be thoughts and diverge into memories. 

His body was desperately pleading for rest and recovery as the tribulations of the day had somehow managed to sink below his shoulders and weigh him down even further, but he could not bring himself to rise and seek long-awaited respite. Something in his mind was screaming for him to wait, to obsess over every little detail of long-passed hours one more time to find that single thing that must have been missed, the place where all his answers lay in wait. 

“Don’t torture yourself forever,” Stepehen murmured, rising from his spot next to Erwin and clapping the captain on the shoulder before making his way out. 

Erwin provided the man’s exit with a bland smile, knowing that his friend was doing the far more sensible thing and giving up on consciousness for the evening. He rose with a heavy sigh and a wearied hand dragged across his exhausted face, making his way across the room towards a low-reaching window. The stuffiness ventilated quickly as Erwin pushed the thick pane up, allowing the accumulated heat to escape into the wispy air of night. 

His eyes became momentarily lost in the dark curtain of inkinesss draped across the sky, stars dotted as little glowing lights to illuminate the night in a pale glimmer. Memories clawed their way up somewhere from the bottom-most depths of his blackened heart. Old memories, the most painful of all, flashing across irises brightened by the flame of aggression and dulled by the pain of vulnerability. Because he was not impervious, and in his own mind existed his worst enemies.

Erwin physically turned his back on remembrances of a happier, simpler time. Whether or not it had been truly joyous and truly easy, he was too much of a coward to acknowledge. If ignorance was bliss, then what was he to make of this partial state of self-imposed omnipotence he had been seeking so desperately like a sinner seeks a god? 

Erwin was not given long to dwell on these consuming thoughts. The winds shifted in an instant, blowing in a fear and desperation the blonde captain had not known the likes of in years. 

A sound of struggle - the single puff of a small, huffing gasp; a little mewl of a deeper, biting pain - resounded by the window, and Erwin was compelled to turn back. He was truly amazed, in that moment. Because the boy had slinked across the grounds unnoticed, because he had scaled a wall of smoothed stone. 

The pair simply stared at each other for lingering moments, as if time itself was slowing to give one time to contemplate the other. Had Erwin allowed himself to display it, his expression would have morphed to something nearing complete and utter shock. 

Levi stood before him on shaky legs, breath panting and beautiful eyes lowered, body barely through the window. His middle section was blushing a deep and gorgeous red. Red the colour of passion. Red the colour of affection and adoration. He was dying in the colour of love. 

Erwin did not need to consider - his body could anticipate. He was at Levi’s side before the boy could collapse, arms outstretched before Levi’s trembling limbs could contemplate falling into them. The boy weighed next to nothing in his muscled arms, it was terrible and elating all at once. 

Erwin sunk to the floor slowly and deliberately, his sharp mind focused on every little mewl of discomfort escaping unbidden from Levi’s wind chapped lips. He was touched by a gentleness he did not often possess, cradling the boy adoringly against his chest, hands fumbling to remove his deep green cloak and press it to the weeping wound. 

“Levi,” Erwin spoke, voice calm and composed, carrying over the crackle of the fire. “I need you to talk to me. Tell me how you’re doing.” 

The boy groaned, and Erwin could not be sure if it was because he was demanding that he speak, or because the pain was cracking his unwaveringly apathetic mold. 

“You have a propensity for requesting really stupid fucking things, did you know that?” The boy bit back, his voice wheezing from the strain of a task that usually came so effortlessly. 

A wry smile tugged at Erwin’s lips, only interrupted by his own mouth parting to scream for assistance and a doctor in a voice that could have reverberated all the way down to the depths of Hell and forced the devil to submit to his will. He was well enough trained to know how hard to press on Levi’s wound to quell the flow of blood, and to realize how _much_ of the acrid, sticky substance the boy had lost already. 

“And you have a propensity for ignoring my every request and getting yourself into unnecessary trouble,” Erwin replied conversationally, willing the heat of his own body to permeate Levi’s in hopes that it would provide just a touch of warmth to the boy’s cold, trembling form. 

Levi’s scoff to follow rang weak and hollow in the unmoving air, the pair entirely indifferent to the scuttle of terrified maids in and out of the room and the simultaneous uproar that so suddenly gripped the entire estate. Erwin held the boy tighter in his arms, willed the gash that cut mercilessly across his small stomach to heal from the strength of his affection alone. It was only seconds before the boy spoke again, but entire lifetimes seemed to have passed for the pair. 

“Am I going to die, Erwin?” Levi asked, his voice more wistful than concerned, as if a part of his soul was no longer entirely present within the room, roaming off somewhere in a far away place unburdened by concerns of the living. 

“No,” Erwin murmured mildly, but not without an underlying determination that strengthened his cadence. “I won’t let you,” and he paused to consider his next words, as he always did with Levi, carefully. “You can’t die on me, Levi, because I still need the opportunity to fully express how unequivocally, undeniably, irrevocably _infuriated_ I am with you.” 

A breathless chuckle, weak and low, burst forth from Levi’s lips, and Erwin held him tighter, because he was entirely convinced that was the first time he had heard Levi genuinely laugh. 

A sensation gripped Erwin’s soul, deeper than any meager feeling that could rise with the tide of his bubbling emotions. His skin was scorched with a prickling so heated and singed that Erwin almost wondered if the flames had jumped straight from the fire’s hearth to lap at his sweat-salted skin. 

His fingers carded into Levi’s silky smooth strands of midnight hair, latching onto the dark roots attached to his small skull. He could feel the boy slumping against his chest, caving into his comparatively massive form in a crumpled, blood-stained heep. Erwin pulled back in a swift and fluid motion devoid of all mercy, forcing Levi’s neck back by his soft strands of hair. 

The intended effect was immediate. Levi growled in fury and cried in pain, his teeth instantly baring and his features seething at the indignant handling of his injured form that strained his neck and exposed his throat. Life shot through his body, colouring his cheeks in a blushing rage and lighting his eyes with a stinging malice. 

Erwin could have smiled, but his face was so terribly calm and composed, as unbothered as a summer’s day.

But in his eyes blazed something that was rarely seen, something that Levi would have thought the man incapable of. His own eyes widened, now viewing the captain through his offending position of having his neck forced back, and it was his turn to be shocked for the day. 

Terror. Utter, undeniable terror. Erwin was terrified. It was not in his face, it did not dare glance his features, but it was directly in his eyes, deep and profound. 

“Stay awake, Levi. That’s an order,” Erwin commanded, his voice leaving no room for question, his features as composed as a cloudless day. 

Air hitched in Levi’s chest. His breath gasped. It in no way had anything to do with the wound slashing his stomach and gushing his blood. 

“Yes, sir,” Levi mumbled, barely aware that other hands were now touching him, hoisting him from Erwin’s lap and pressing fresh cloths onto his weeping wound. 

His mind fell into a state of existence so far away from reality, but the entire time those _eyes_ were on him, blue and burning, grounding Levi in something that surely could not be real.   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was so hard to write. Hopefully it's still okay.


	11. Part One: Turning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Any response he had building on his tongue wilted and died. The man did not wait around for him to reply, for Erwin to collect himself and process the information that he had been one of the reasons Levi had almost died. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a mistake in the last one. The Reiss's actually live in a part of Sina. My bad. Too many places to remember!

Levi had never once experienced the weightlessness of floating in water before. He could not swim - there was never a need nor an opportunity for him to do so during his ill-fated childhood and blurred shift to adulthood. The idea of floating was almost a foreign concept to his mind, just as the notion of summer and waking with the rise of the sun had once been before he had surfaced from his life of darkened and gelid criminality. 

He understood that he  _ could  _ be floating right now, if the notion of floating contained an odd sense of buoyancy that seemed to bob his limbs like the lightly bouncing waves of a calm ocean. He was suspended in an unknown state of apathy, all sense of sight or smell or touch residing somewhere completely separate from the current form of his consciousness. It was as if his own body could not be bothered with such difficulties, instead preferring to distance itself from the harsh realities of existence. 

Levi could  _ feel  _ the laughter, even though his ears could not discern the rolling waves of sound. It reverberated through his body and rattled his bones, jumping down each vertebrae of his spine until it sparked the tips of his small toes. An odd sense of elation filled him, but he could not tell if it was his own. 

Levi knew immediately that this was a memory, as intimate and familiar as it felt, but he could not say for sure if the memory was real. The laughter that grated like nails on a chalkboard against his soul had a distinctly childish air to it, as if a part of his youth was giggling in joy and jubilation. But Levi could not remember ever having laughed so happily or heartily at such an age where adolescent innocence made everything appear humorous and cheerful. 

The warmth of it was contagious, though, filling every little nook and cranny of his small body with a tingling heat that radiated waves of contented delight down his coldened form. Levi allowed the sensation to suffuse his every cell and nerve, unused to as he was feeling such unbridled ease so comfortably and readily. 

A whiff of lilacs perforated his small nostrils so suddenly and sharply that the smell of it was almost overwhelming, the pleasant and light odor almost masked by the abruptness of its appearance. Levi gasped and spluttered, as if his body had momentarily forgotten to continue wading above the surface of this new reality of detached consciousness. Touch and sight remained completely out of his grasp, but he now experienced the fill of a smell so inviting and beguiling that he was almost certain it was familiar. 

Filled with the warmth of laughter and the smells of summer, Levi floated in a state of unknown existence and non-reality, his body as light and ephemeral as an August wind tugging sharply at tall blades of green grass. He understood that where he resided was simultaneously real and nonexistent, as tangible and fluid as a thought swimming around the depths of a person’s conscience. 

He dwelled within his subconscious mind, rolling and churning down the languid stream of his own thoughts and emotions that meandered through the abyss of his existence. It was a serenely comfortable and obligingly familiar experience, as if he were returning to the one place he called home after a long and harrowing trip. 

The brush of something soft and silk-like - the light touch of long, raven hair - tickled faintly at his cheek. Small bursts of sensation prickled the boy’s senses. At the same time, a deep and overflowing ache filled him from the top of his head to the tips of his toes - the gnawing of nostalgia so deep and profound that it seemed to weigh down his very existence. 

Levi felt something sting at the sharp corners of his stormy eyes. His dark lashes fluttered, head swimming as the anchor of his separation suddenly became adrift in a disturbed sea of bright light and distressing stimulation. He blinked and groaned, desperately trying to recapture that nostalgic bearing that grounded him in a state of disconnected reality. 

“You’re crying,” came the call of a distinct voice, markedly raspy as if those vocal cords were being scratched against sandpaper. 

His eyelids remained as the wings of a butterfly, beating in a rapid flutter as he tried to establish some sense of orientation in his blurred surroundings. It was many moments before Levi’s retina could form coherent electrical signals that were not wholly obscured and disjointed. A low gurgle of nausea bubbled in the bottom-most depths of his stomach, and that was when Levi realized he was in an upright position, somehow managing to have sat up as his body released from that odd dream of warm laughter and sweet scents. 

Soft sheets pooled around his naked torso clothed only in the prickly bindings of cotton bandages that blushed lightly a pinkish crimson, the colour of the sky as the sun first rises. He rose a pale and trembling hand languidly to his gaunt cheek, feeling the slick wetness of salty liquid dribble onto the tips of his fingers.

Levi was almost surprised. He had no recollection of ever crying in his life. 

He allowed his hand to fall once more to his bandaged side as his eyes wandered out, at last taking in the form that had addressed him and was now patiently waiting for a response. 

Erwin watched back with a look nearing wariness, the remnants of sleepless nights evident from his sunken eyes and disheveled clothing. His hair was not slicked back to its normal, militaristic perfection, and Levi realized for the first time the man had long, light bangs that fell into his cutting azure eyes. A blanket wrapped in a partial embrace around his shoulders as he sat leaning forwards slightly on the plush sofa of Levi’s guest room, his evenly cut nails biting into the furnishing’s upholstery. 

Levi observed the man for a beat, every indication in his mind that, while the sun shone in bright from the calm outdoors, it had been many days since he was last awake. And Erwin had not been more than a few paces from his side the entire time. It was an odd sense, almost separate from his body, as if Levi did not yet have the capacity to deal with such devotion, and instead set the very notion of it somewhere off to the side of his awareness. 

Erwin rose stiffly, once the silence had stretched and lingered in the distance between them, and made his way up to Levi’s bed, the path having already been carved out by many hours of agitated pacing. 

“Since you’re up, I’m going to redress your wound,” was all he murmured to preface his actions, his large and calloused hands immediately setting to work gently unwrapping the boy’s dirtied bandages. 

Levi could already feel his body tiring from having to hold itself up, even in a position as simple as sitting, for so long. The debilitation of fatigue and exertion was almost shocking, as unused to as he was being so thoroughly incapacitated in any way. 

The redressing of his wound was a quiet affair, Erwin’s fingers moving with deft and nimble precision that hinted at his many years in the military. There was a distinctive quiet that lingered between the pair - the blonde captain not seeking to provoke commentary or goad conversation as Levi had come to expect from the man. Despite the physical closeness and intimate nature of the task, Erwin seemed to barely brush or glance at his body. Every little tickle of his fingertips against the boy’s toned middle seemed almost a mistake as he wrapped and tied the fresh bandage. 

“The wound wasn’t fatal, but you lost a lot of blood,” Erwin commented mildly, going about the monotonous process of wrapping the prickly cotton around and around Levi’s stomach. “The physician stitched the wound closed and administered an herbal salve to help with the scarring. You’ll likely be in a lot of pain as your body readjusts to being awake.” 

The extent of Erwin’s monotone and one-sided conversation ended at that. He completed his task quietly and efficiently, stepping back to observe his work with a placid detachment that dulled his normally brightened eyes. His sharp and stately features held a serene affableness that hinted no emotion or character to his countenance, colouring his entire form in something dull and disengaged. 

Levi’s stormy eyes narrowed as a spark of fury erupted in his already broiling gut. _ “Get out,” _ he hissed, striking the captain with the stinging bite of his indignation. 

A blonde eyebrow rose languidly on Erwin’s forehead, his posture still mockingly uncaring as he continued to observe Levi with that stolid separation. 

His provocation having been completely ignored, Levi barreled forth in the sting of the affront. 

“If you’re just going to stand there and bullshit me, then get the fuck out.” 

Erwin hummed quietly, thoughtfully almost as his expression shifted to one of contemplation, like he was dissecting each of Levi’s biting words carefully and precisely to understand the full extent of the offense. 

The mask cracked and the layers peeled back. A flame lit that could not be tempered or subdued. 

Levi observed as the dullness of Erwin’s blue eyes morphed to something inflamed and infuriated, the full extent of his outrage lighting with a passionate intensity. His breath caught in his chest, fully aware that he had willingly coaxed the beast but having no qualms about doing so. On the contrary, he felt strangely at ease in the presence of that pure, unadulterated fury. 

Erwin stalked forward like a wolf in the night, a bestial tint to his normally reserved and calculating gaze. He marched forth until his knees pressed into the elevated mattress Levi rested on, his long arm reaching out not to strike but to cup the side of the boy’s face, dwarfing the small cheek with the largeness of his palm. 

The touch was commanding, not painful or degrading, but it demanded that Levi provide his full attention to the seething creature hovering above him. He dared not refuse such a direct and candid order. 

“What the  _ hell  _ were you thinking, you idiotic, juvenile boy,” Erwin growled, the ripples of his anger lashing through his sharp cadence. “I provided you the benefit of the doubt in believing you had the maturity and capability to overcome the baseness of your background and upbringing, and you throw it in my face by almost bleeding to death in one of the most disgusting and depraved places of existence.” 

Levi remained silent and unmoving, watching Erwin unravel in the face of his fury. He felt the sensation of the man’s hand heavy against the skin of his cheek. The touch seemed almost to pulse the full extent of the captain’s ire, yet the grasp never tightened or caused pain. It remained surprisingly warm and grounding as Erwin’s words lashed like a whip against Levi’s psyche. 

“Do you have any idea the scandal that could have unfolded from this thoughtless little stunt of yours!? The shame that you could have brought upon the Survey Corps!? The shame that you bring upon the men and women who give their lives for humanity!?”

Levi listened as Erwin’s voice crescendoed in a hiss of unmistakable ferocity and outrage before tapering off to something quieter and more piercing. The captain’s chest heaved thin oxygen in and out of his lungs overworked by the sheer force of his indignation. His face leaned closer to Levi’s, his burning blue eyes almost unfocused as he uttered his next words in the breath of a whisper. 

“Do you even give a  _ damn, _ Levi?” 

The seconds stretched with heavy breathing and leaden silence as one inhaled the anger and hurt and betrayal of the other and exhaled a full flurry of emotional debilitation and uncertainty. 

Erwin sighed heavily and stepped back when Levi did not provide an answer. His warm hand slipped away from the boy’s small cheek as he moved to stand a more respectable distance from Levi’s side. 

“But do not worry,” Erwin murmured with a rigid calmness, his arms drawn behind his back as he stood with posture of military perfection observing the pale and crumpled boy drowned in extravagant silk sheets. “I’m already thinking of clever ways to punish you.” 

“Clever?” Levi questioned slowly, rolling the word around his tongue as if he were accustoming himself to its sound. 

A small, wry smile tugged at Erwin’s lips. “Yes, clever. I know enough about you to know what you dislike.” 

A lift of a dark, thin brow gave Levi an oddly uncertain look. He scrutinized the captain through narrow, guarded eyes, his calm apathy in place to mask any deeper thought. 

“You could have been rid of me,” Levi said, without much emotion to lilt his tone, “once and for all.” 

“That is the last thing I would have wanted,” Erwin replied quietly. 

“Am I really so vital to whatever outrageous and morally fucked plan you have for turning the tide of humanity’s war?”

Erwin’s lips twisted, just a touch. “You are.” 

“So that’s it? My life is worth something because you decide it is?” 

“Your life is worth something because  _ you  _ decide it is, Levi. I can merely provide the tools and guidance for you to live up to that potential.” 

Levi contemplated the declaration, his passive features scrunched in a small sign of scrutiny. Being allowed his life, even with conditions, was a luxury he had rarely experienced. Could this be what Erwin really wanted to give him? What their now undeniable bond could allow? 

“That seems like a shitty deal for you,” Levi replied, thinking carefully over his words. “There’s no guarantee that you’ll win, that you won’t get shot by your political enemies or eaten by a titan in the next fortnight.” 

“And yet I still believe in you,” Erwin countered, the even assuredness of his voice making Levi almost wish to believe him. 

“Why? I’ve gone out of my way to provoke you and make you hate me.”

The calm that graced Erwin’s face was no longer so detached and removed, but there was a serene assuredness to it that caused the subsequent words to strike at the very depths of Levi’s soul. 

“Because I am in love with you,” the captain stated evenly, as if he were detailing the weather. “But you already knew that.” 

Air disappeared somewhere in the maze of Levi’s chest. His breath hitched as if he had been punched in the gut. 

The outward display of his disquietude was almost nonexistent, though. Because Erwin was correct. He had known, deeply and intimately, for quite some time now. He had known, but had chosen to distance himself from that knowledge. Not out of hatred or disgust, but because he lacked every single tool necessary to process such a deep and passionate declaration. 

Erwin watched Levi’s non-reaction with a calm affableness that both completely mimicked and completely dichotomized his serene and placid gentlemanly mask. There was no emotion to distort his features, because everything had already been laid bare from his heart in one simple phrase. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Levi asked slowly, as if he did not trust himself to process this new and long-known information accurately. 

A small shrug of the shoulders was the closest thing to grand action Erwin came. “I thought you should know,” he relied simply. “Despite all odds it seems we will be continuing to work together. You deserve to know how I feel, especially since the Military Police had the audacity to give me your life when they handed you over to the Scouts.” 

Levi turned his head and hid his gaze from Erwin, not wanting the captain to see the full extent of his exhaustion. His body chose to remain detached and dictate its reaction with an all-too familiar numbness that subdued any potential for emotional turmoil. 

Levi resisted the urge to curl up under the warm and inviting covers of supple silk and submit to the land of dreamless sleep. He could not determine whether existing in a state capable of processing and handling Erwin’s declaration would be favorable, but he did not want to be awake to find out. 

“I feel it is worth mentioning,” Erwin began when the silence between the two had stretched thin, “that you do not have to… that is, I do not expect you to… share my sentiments.” 

A touch of a snort burst through Levi’s nose as he forced his body to rotate back and return Erwin’s gaze. He studied the captain with head tilted slightly to the side, all the air of a contemplative cat about him from the shrewdness of his eyes to the capriciousness of his expression. 

“Right,” Levi murmured, a touch amused by Erwin’s uncharacteristic fumble with his normally precisely crafted words. 

Blue locked with grey like a positive to negative charge as the pair contemplated each other in the brightness of infiltrating daylight that seemed to dichotomize the emotionally weighted and electrically charged air to their encounter. What was being suppressed - unrest against adoration - would not be named. 

“Well,” Erwin murmured slowly. 

“You’re leaving,” Levi interjected, anticipating the captain’s words. 

“There is urgent business that I have put off for too long.” 

Levi blinked once. “Right.” 

“A physician is residing in the house if you require anything. I need you well enough to travel in a few day’s time.” 

“Right.”

“Don’t wander.”

A sardonic brow lifted on Levi’s forehead. “Are you telling me to sit and stay put?”

“I’m ordering it, actually.” 

Something between a grimace and a glare stretched Levi’s youthful features downwards. “Woof,” he muttered with a sarcastic drawl. 

A smile dawned on Erwin’s face, light and jubilant to brighten his exhausted features. He gazed at Levi with that now familiar heat flaming his eyes. 

There was not an ounce of hesitation to halt his steps as Erwin paced forwards. His hand reached out to grip Levi’s chin as he leaned down to connect their lips. 

Monetary surprise raced Levi’s system before it tapered off completely. Erwin seemed to suffer no lack of confidence for this action as he did every other, and Levi found himself swept away with the tide of the man’s intent. It wasn’t a wholly unpleasant experience, after all. 

He allowed his eyes to fall shut and his lips to move against Erwin’s. Not exploring, per se, but not a passive participant in the process either. 

There was passion on Erwin’s end, despite the chastity of the kiss. He pulled away only to allow the boy opportunity to breathe, connecting his lips instead with the pale and delicate skin encompassing the curvature of Levi’s graceful neck. His lips and tongue roamed and explored, not stopping until Levi’s irises were obscured by heavy lids and his face held a serenely obliging expression. He pulled away after placing a gentle kiss beneath the boy’s small earlobe. 

“Be good,” Erwin murmured before exiting the room entirely, hardly sparing a backwards glance or a gesture of farewell. 

Levi sat completely still and upright until the task became too exhausting, choosing finally to fall back against the feathery pillows that had held his unconscious and injured form for days. Whatever was in his mind to disquiet his soul, though, he ensured was numbed and subdued before falling into a deep and dreamless sleep. 

\---

The Ovurd District was a densely packed locality residing in the northern part of Sina territory. It was home to a more diverse array of characters and ways of life than found in Mitras, the area itself more friendly to the less fortunate of society, but still aristocratic in a way that the further reaching districts among Rose and Maria territory never would be. 

Having been born in Karanes on the eastern side of Rose, and having joined a branch of the military that prioritized going  _ beyond  _ the walls rather than staying tightly packed within them, Erwin had never had any opportunity or inclination to travel to areas outside of Mitras within the Sina enclave. It seemed that would change today, however, and Erwin wasn’t completely sure how to feel about it. 

Technically speaking, he wasn’t  _ actually  _ in Ovrud. He was a number of kilometers outside of the District, on a substantial tract of land that functioned more as a small village than a single estate for a noble family. The area was equipped with its own granary, lumber mill, earth cellar, and chapel. Erwin had seen entire settlements that did not function as well or efficiently as this single property did, and he wasn’t entirely sure whether to be impressed or guarded by that. 

He had arrived at the Reiss estate in a condition nearing wary apathy. Erwin was entirely convinced that he  _ could be  _ walking into the lion’s den right now. He had even gone to the trouble of contacting Mike to notify the man of his whereabouts in the event that he did not return, informing the sandy-haired captain where some of the more damning pieces of information he had on some of his political rivals resided. Erwin had made his peace with the idea of death long ago, choosing a path of life that simultaneously toed its precarious line and fought like hell against its very notion. 

Perhaps death was on his mind so much at the moment because he was all too aware that he could die here. Or perhaps it was being so near to it in the last forty-eight hours, watching Levi teeter in between life and the beyond, that had put Erwin so on edge. 

A peculiar and uncontrollable fear had surfaced from deep within the depths of his psyche during those two never-ending days of uncertainty and agitation. Erwin had never experienced the full form that terror could take within a man, the closest he had ever come being his first Scouting expedition. But even he had been prepared for that in a way he was not prepared for Levi almost dying. 

It was a consuming and all-encompassing fear of loss. Of loss for humanity. Of loss for himself. Of the sheer and utter unfairness the burden of life had bestowed, not only upon Levi, but upon Erwin himself. It was simultaneously a completely selfish and selfless thing, as so many of Erwin’s actions and behaviors and feelings had become in the last decade of his life. 

He feared losing the person who would give his life for Erwin’s conjectures and suppositions. The man with the capabilities of an army. The individual he had fallen madly in love with, not even having fully realized it himself for the longest time. 

Death was on Erwin’s mind as he stalked the perimeter of that grandiose estate with a glint in his eyes that mimicked that of a starving wolf. It was on his mind as it never had been before. 

Rather than make his presence known right away, Erwin had taken liberties and instead decided to explore around the sprawling acres of rich and teeming land first. He had no doubt it was known he was on the estate the moment he stepped foot on Reiss’s fields of lush green summer grass, but Erwin also knew there was a game being played here. He had made his move, more or less provokingly, and was waiting for Reiss to counter. 

The sun hung at a half-curve in the sky, painting the horizon with lazy colours of yellow and gold as it languidly went about the process of deciding to begin sinking in preparation for the upcoming evening. It was a slightly sticky day out, plastering Erwin’s back with wet perspiration and causing his stiff, military-grade collar to cling uncomfortably to his lightly-pinkened neck. He had passed a number of servants and tenants that appeared rather unbothered and unimpressed by his appearance on the grounds as he meandered his way down dirt roads and cart-cut paths in the grass. 

There was almost a notion that the military did not hold much intrigue or sway in these parts that came from the air and decorum of the people he passed. Erwin had to wonder, yet again, just how much power the elusive Reiss family garnered. There was certainly a peculiar and almost foreign-feeling atmosphere to Erwin’s jaunt across that mock civilization, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on just what that odd foreboding was. 

Erwin was not given long to dwell on these suppositions. Coming along the banks of a glistening lake, its waters lightly rolling waves onto the sandy shore in the afternoon breeze, Erwin was half-tempted to strip down and jump in to relieve some of the oppressive summer heat sticking to his skin. What stopped him was that he was, unfortunately, not alone to enjoy the lake’s splendor. 

A small man stood on the bank, his toes digging deeply into the wet sand on the ground, his gaze focused away from Erwin. He was petite in stature and frame. Even smaller than Levi, Erwin would reckon. There was a kind of distant longing that seemed honed in his eyes and reflected in the way he looked out across that small body of water, his posture calm and considerate as if he had nothing to fear but all the woe in the world to contemplate. 

Erwin had the distinct sense that he had intruded upon a moment that was personal and private for this man. He backed slowly, hoping to not alert the attention of this mysterious stranger who seemed lost in a moment of deep reflection. His efforts were in vain, however. 

“You do not have to leave so quickly, young man,” a whispery voice spoke. 

Erwin shivered slightly, despite himself. There was something oddly beguiling about that voice with no underlying motivation or ambition painting its tone and lilting its cadence. Every word that this strange man had just spoken was meant exactly as it came. 

“I fear I have interrupted something private, sir,” Erwin murmured, surprised himself that he had unconsciously spoken so formally and honestly to this stranger. 

“Not at all,” the man replied, and finally turned his full attention to the captain. 

His eyes were deep and weary, coloured in a light, calm shade that hinted at an underlying wisdom and sageness that almost seemed to go beyond his years. His hair was thin and light, falling somewhere along his neck to brush the tops of the simple robe he wore to clothe his form. There was a vacant look to his gaze that Erwin almost found startling. Yet he still felt completely watched and considered, but not in a rude or appraising manner. 

The man seemed frail and aged, yet Erwin was entirely sure he was actually much younger than he appeared. There was an odd dichotomy to his entire demeanor and appearance, but even so Erwin did not feel uncomfortable in his presence. 

Realizing a little late that it was his turn to speak in this back and forth, Erwin cleared his throat slightly in hopes that it would buy him some time to devise a way to get a handle on this exchange. He was uncharacteristically unsuccessful. 

“It is a lovely day out, don’t you think,” Erwin murmured, internally questioning why he had devolved to talking about the weather instead of learning who this man was. 

“A bit warm,” was the simple reply with no leads or insinuations Erwin could grasp onto and exploit. 

“Yes,” Erwin mumbled, eyes darting now. “I… I’m sorry, but who are you?” 

A small smile stretched across the man’s face and lighted his rather exhausted looking and age-lined features. Erwin almost felt sheepish. 

“Uri Reiss. I believe you know my brother, Captain Smith.” 

Surprise flickered across Erwin’s expression for a brief moment. Having instilled within him at a young age that one provides his betters of society an unyielding and deferential respect, he couldn’t help but feel a touch embarrassed and childish in this lord’s presence. 

The lesson had been taught to him by his father more out of a necessity for safety than a belief in its doctrine, and Erwin had approached it in his later years with more of a mild consideration than an actual credence, yet he still felt that he had just behaved unacceptably in this man’s presence. It was odd considering Erwin hardly ever felt that way about anyone. 

“I apologize, my lord. I had not… I did not realize who you were right away.”

“At ease, Captain,” Uri replied with a simple wave and a small smile. “I would not have expected you to.” 

Erwin wasn’t sure if the militaristic phrase was to tease him or mock him, but he suddenly felt wildly out of place in the moment. Another odd experience for him.

The silence that hung between the two seemed more tense for Erwin than for Uri. Indeed, Lord Reiss appeared more politely amused by Erwin’s uncertainty than the captain himself was. 

“Would you like to accompany me to the chapel?” Uri asked in a relaxed and affable manner, as if he and Erwin were not complete strangers on completely different levels of social class. 

Erwin hesitated, if only for a moment. “Of course, my lord.” 

The pair walked in a silence that seemed more comfortable for one than the other. Erwin was again reminded of how large and complex the estate was. Small fields of grain grew off to the east while luscious apple orchids grew off to the west, the area in between dotted with granaries and store houses and livestock holds. He wondered how many people actually tended to the land and lived near the grounds, considering the entire estate seemed like a small town.

“You are here to see my brother?” Uri asked, his questioning voice pulling Erwin away from his contemplations. 

“Yes, my lord. He invited me to your home a few days ago,” Erwin replied, pausing for a moment before adding, “You wouldn’t happen to know why, would you?” 

“My brother is a single-minded and ambitious man, though he may not always appear so,” Uri murmured, that small smile on his lips once more. “He is set in his goals and beliefs. Not unlike yourself, I’m told.”

Erwin smiled to himself. It did not feel like an accusation or provocation, merely a simple stated fact that he couldn’t help but find just a touch amusing. 

“We have chosen different paths in life, and we often don’t see eye-to-eye on many things,” Uri said, that far-off look in his gaze reappearing, “but he is my brother, and I love him dearly.”

Erwin hummed his acknowledgement, not even upset that his question was completely ignored in favor of detailing this man’s inner thoughts. He found himself intrigued by what Uri Reiss had to say, as if he was somehow drawn to the lord’s words and will despite having never made his acquaintance prior to this meeting. He was starting to understand why Uri had such an ardent following of noble and common supporters alike. 

“What is it that you want, my lord?” Erwin found himself asking, though he wasn’t quite sure why. 

Uri did not appear bothered by the personal nature of the question, though. His eyes glazed over in contemplation for a moment before answering. 

“I want a place, a paradise, where all of our world can reside in comfort and harmony until the end.” 

“The end?” Erwin murmured, though more to himself. 

He thought over the lord’s ideals, recalled the countless brutal deaths he had witnessed over the course of his years, the number of times he himself had been close to such an ill-fated and grim end. Comfort and harmony where two ideals Erwin had almost completely rejected in his life, whether consciously or not. Yet the way that Uri spoke made Erwin  _ want  _ to believe him and agree with him. How much easier would it be if he just gave up now? Gave up on his beliefs and his revenge and spent the rest of his life fostering this harmony the lord spoke of so passionately?

Erwin hardly realized they had reached the chapel when they did. Uri did not appear bothered by his silence and unfocused attention. He provided Erwin an affable smile that actually reached his eyes, looking over the captain with the warm fondness of old friends. 

Erwin found himself gazing back, not really sure what to say but realizing that it was hardly an issue with this man. 

“Would you like to stay, Captain? I’m giving a small sermon to a group of locals in a few minutes.” 

Erwin politely agreed, legitimately intrigued by the invitation. He found himself in a large and minimally decorated space that served as the chapel’s main room, rows of wooden benches filled to the brim with people dressed in finery and patched clothes alike. 

Small was a rather humble term for this gathering, Erwin concluded. The room was packed with people of all classes mixed together, waiting with bated breath for something that seemed almost divine to begin. 

Uri approached the room’s center podium and gazed out at the crowd, that warm fondness still bright in his eyes. Erwin was not sure how long he sat listening to the lord’s speech, but he was completely captivated the entire time. 

Uri spoke of kindness and decency, of treating all individuals equally and respectfully, almost seeming to renounce his own lordly title in the process. There was passion to his words and strength to his declarations that Erwin had never heard quite as profoundly in any other orator. 

He had alway considered himself to be a decent speaker of rousing and beguiling speeches. It took quite a bit to convince men and women to ride out beyond the walls, more often than not to their deaths, after all. But there was something about Uri’s words that struck deeper than conscious thoughts and actions, as if he was seeking to reach into the depths of a person’s unconscious mind and change their entire way of thinking and being. 

Erwin wanted to believe it, he realized. He wanted to feel at ease, safe and sound in a way that he never had before. Not at least since his father died, maybe even before that. Could it be possible? To live in a paradise without strife? Without trouble and war?

But the truth was too real for Erwin to ignore. He had been born blessed into a position above the common man, a position that allowed him to seek the favor of men considered above him by all social dictates. He knew intimately of the wealth of inequality that existed within this world. Had fought with it side by side during his days as a trainee and with the Scouts. The young souls, sometimes no older than twelve, forced to join the military out of desperation. From poverty or abandonment or orphaning. 

And then there was what existed beyond that. Mindless beasts roaming the land, trapping humanity behind stony enclaves of splintered society, not caring if the destruction they caused was on the best or worst of existence.

The world was cruel, and Erwin knew that, yet he desperately wanted to be convinced that it wasn’t. In that moment, he desperately wanted to believe that what Uri Reiss was saying was real. And he knew, deeply and profoundly, that if he believed it everything would be easier. That it would just be simpler to let go, to give in until the inevitability of existence reared its ugly head. 

Erwin almost found himself gripped by those words, trapped in their sweet melody and enchanting meaning. His mind would have almost been turned over, had a flash of darkness not caught his eye, had he not been snapped cruelly back to reality. 

He was pale and dark as ever, the colour of his hair sharply contrasting that of his sharp and ghostly facial features. He walked up to the podium Uri stood at with a bold shamelessness that seemed impertinent in the almost divine-like setting. 

Uri did not appear bothered at all, cutting off his oration to talk in whispered tones with the offending man, his gaze as bright and warm as ever. Maybe even more now, much to Erwin’s surprise and displeasure. 

He felt a chill crawl down his spine when both gazes, one light and one dark, fell on him. That was his cue, Erwin figured. Lord Reiss had made his move. He was no longer welcome just wandering around the estate. 

He left quickly and quietly, not wanting to cause a scene or be seen being directed by others. The bright glow of the warm afternoon sun felt debilitating as he stepped out of that dimly lit and almost solemn hall. 

The trek up to the main house was a lengthy one, but Erwin had peculiar thoughts filling his head to pass the time. Thoughts of doubt and uncertainty - certainly not ones he was used to. He approached them with a well-crafted and well-practiced precision, allowing himself to scrutinize but go no deeper. 

There was an attendant waiting for him when he arrived at the house’s main entrance. Few words were exchanged as Erwin followed the man in, his eyes skipping over the grandeur of the home with a bored objectivity. He had long since become accustomed to being in spaces of such provocative and overflowing wealth. 

He was left in a hall at the entrance of a large study, directed not to enter until granted permission to do so. It was intentionally undermining, being told to wait in such a manner, but Erwin supposed that was the whole point of it. There was a power play going on here. 

He did not allow himself to become vexed by the trite behavior, knowing full well that being at his best would be most beneficial to him. He had been waiting a good ten minutes outside of the room when he heard the clicking of boot heels bounce off the slick surface of the perfectly polished marble flooring. He glanced up and stiffened, all the air of an intensive hawk about him now. 

The mystery man was back, dark and flagrant as ever. His eyes were piercing, cutting and cold as winter. There was a sadistic sort of glee in his air and mannerisms, his approach down the hall towards Erwin happening slow and steady, like a wolf closing in on injured prey. He must have taken a side entrance, Erwin figured, or perhaps circled around the back of the estate. 

Erwin almost braced himself for an attack, the look in the man’s eyes declared he wanted to, desperately. His hackles raised only after the man passed, though, realizing that his presence had solely been to provoke and angering himself because he had been so easily affected. 

He turned to watch the man’s receding form dressed in dark clothes and sharp lines. He was about to raise his voice, thought better of it, and then decided to forge ahead anyways. 

“He survived, in case you were wondering,” Erwin murmured, his voice cold and authoritative. 

He watched as the man stopped, his form seeming almost more relaxed than it was a moment ago, as if he had been eagerly awaiting the provocation. 

He spoke in a voice cold and cutting as his eyes, his back mockingly turned to Erwin. “So he went crawling back to you, then. The little bitch.” 

Erwin sucked in a breath despite himself, his suppositions confirmed definitively. This was the man who had attacked Levi. Who had almost  _ stolen  _ Levi from him. Rage bubbled in his stomach, a brewing storm spilling over his psyche. 

“You must be so proud, Captain, with how you’ve whipped such an untamable dog into submission.” 

Erwin wanted to reply. Better yet, he wanted to strike, to lash out and pummel this man into the brightly polished marble floor. To knock out his teeth and cave in his face with his fists alone. To feel his offending and disgusting blood on his hands. To be the cause of pain and the bringer of chaos. 

He suddenly realized, deeply and profoundly, that this man had been sent to Mitras because of  _ him.  _ To get to  _ him.  _ How clever it had been for him to realize Levi was the best way to do that. His simultaneously weakest and strongest point. It had been a prelude, a warning, a way to remind Erwin how vulnerable he actually was. 

Erwin suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Any response he had building on his tongue wilted and died. The man did not wait around for him to reply, for Erwin to collect himself and process the information that he had been one of the reasons Levi had almost died. 

The quiet of the hall suddenly felt consuming, the clicking of the man’s boot heels dying abruptly in the cavernous and unknown space that stretched beyond Erwin. He felt a million miles away from the calm he experienced being with Uri Reiss earlier in the day. It was unsettling and discomposing. 

A new and unknown hatred and anger tugged at Erwin’s soul when he was finally granted entrance to Rod Reiss’s personal study. This had been specifically done to him, done to Levi, and he’d be damned if he let it go overlooked. 

“Lord Reiss,” Erwin murmured, his best air about him now, “It is a pleasure to see you again.” 

The man appraised Erwin from where he stood by the door, not bothering to rise and acknowledge the captain’s entrance in any respectful manner. 

“Please, Captain, take a seat,” Reiss replied after a lingering moment, gesturing for Erwin to take one of the two chairs circling his desk. Erwin chose the one closest to the window and door - the room’s only exits. “You must be wondering why I asked you here.” 

“Indeed, my lord, I am curious. I was under the impression your family has not always agreed with the actions and undertakings of my branch.” 

“The Reiss family supports all activities dictated by his Royal Majesty. We do not let personal feelings get in the way of duty and decorum.” The answer was precise and mechanical, as if it had been scripted and practiced many times over the years until it flowed, more or less, naturally. 

Erwin hummed his acknowledgement, a bland smile plastered on his lips. Sunlight pooled in from the sweeping, double-pane windows behind Reiss and coloured his pudgy features in a bright gold, highlighting his shifting eyes and insipid expression. 

“Of course, my lord. I would never mean to insinuate that your actions have been counter to the King’s directives or goals for the military.” 

It was a generous statement. The king held little sway over the military simply because he did not seem to care enough to dictate its actions. He left such onerous tasks to the land’s squabbling lords and Premier Dhalis Zachary. But there were certain rules that needed to be followed here, and a hierarchy to consider, no matter how inconsequential it truly seemed at times. 

A silence hung between the pair. Erwin shifted in his seat a bit, crossing one of his long legs over the other as he provided Lord Reiss and affable consideration that did little to mask his underlying hostility. He wanted this man to understand that he was dangerous. 

“I understand that the Survey Corps has been seeking additional support and funding in the capital,” the lord murmured after the air had grown taut and thin around the two. 

_ Because of ignoble pigs like you that intentionally siphon our funds for your own personal gain,  _ Erwin thought, but he outwardly smiled as a vague acknowledgement of the insinuation. 

“I am sure that is a difficult task, considering the branch’s success rates and reputation.”

Erwin was tiring of this rather quickly. The hazy threats, vague insults, and trite back and forth did not hold nearly the amusement it normally did for him today. He had already been away from base for longer than he had intended, his subordinate and charge had almost bled to death during their time spent in the capital, and now he was suffering through speculative interactions with obscure lords. He had been on expeditions that were less tedious and exhausting than this. 

“We manage,” Erwin replied in a tone that could have been classified as clipped. 

“All of the Scouts that I have met seem very dedicated to their cause.”

Erwin would have liked to correct and say  _ our  _ cause, considering that the men and women of his branch gave their lives for the good of humanity, but he would not be reduced to such petulance by this man. 

“I find such dedication to be admirable, however foolish it may seem at times.” 

Erwin’s bland smile hardly hid his bared teeth anymore. 

“I would like to make use of this commendable dedication,” Reiss murmured, and Erwin was caught off guard suddenly, though he would not let it outwardly show. 

His breath quickened despite himself. He could not figure what this man wanted out of him, other than to vet his candidacy for Commander of the Corps. Yet Rod Reiss had never touched upon his potential successorship, even though Erwin was certain he was curious about it. 

Erwin waited for the man’s next words with bated breath. He had a distinct sense there was something important in the works here, and he did not enjoy remaining an outsider to important information. 

“I would like to fund an expedition for the Scouts,” Reiss said. 

Erwin’s eyes narrowed considerably to mask his surprise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of a hard chapter for Erwin. He had to deal with his own emotions and human interactions that didn't go his way. This chapter and the next one are setting up for important events, so naturally they're word-heavy with little action. More will be happening soon, though. I also thought it would be interesting to highlight the very different places Erwin and Levi are in with their relationship. Levi definitely doesn't hate Erwin anymore, and is somewhat warming up to the idea of being around him longer than five minutes at a time, but they're still in (obviously) very different places. We'll see if it causes problems in the future. 🙃

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I've been sitting on this chapter for months trying to decide whether or not I wanted to devote myself to another project. I love origin stories for this pair, but they're kind of difficult to traverse through given that you both have to respect the original creator of the work while creating something with a new spin. I'm finally happy with the result, though!
> 
> As you probably noticed, this story will have three parts of currently undetermined length. It is canon-divergent! Also, be wary of tags, but I will be providing warnings when necessary. I'm not promising any regular update schedule since I have other stories that I need to finish first (and work, and life, and all that jazz); however, I do promise that there will never be huge gaps in between updates. 
> 
> You also probably noticed that this chapter followed the No Regrets OVA pretty closely. The story starts at that timeline, but will diverge from there. 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! Comments and questions are always welcome.


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